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  1. #1
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    Default Don't feel like a good mum

    All I wanted was to have a baby and we ttc for nearly a year when we finally fell pregnant with a little boy who is now two weeks off being 1!

    I love him to death and our family feels complete but I'm really not the mum I thought I would be!

    I don't even want to admit this - but I have found since having him that I am really lazy, I don't play with him as much as I imagined I would, and I don't keep the house clean or cook every night.

    I am so ashamed - I am normally very organised and love serving my family but lately I feel like I just can't be bothered to do anything and now my home feels like chaos and I feel so depressed that I am not the mother I thought I would be.

    I feel like my mum thinks I am a hopeless mum and I really want to change but I just don't know what to do! I feel like it just isn't as simple as just doing it, and I am wondering if anyone else has felt like this and if so, what did you do?

    Please no nasty comments, I feel bad enough already

  2. #2
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    Hi OP,

    I was like this first time around, mine was from sheer exhaustion and lack of sleep from a refluxy/colicky baby.

    I went and spoke to my GP about it and turned out I had PND. Postnatal depression isnt a sign of failure in any way, its a chemical imbalance in the brain from hormones.

    You arent a failure in ANY way, whatsoever.

    What support do you have around you?

  3. #3
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    Please don't beat yourself up, we ALL have days/weeks like that. Being a Mum is the most challenging job on the planet, it really is, and sometimes 'normal' things can seem ridiculously overwhelming especially when you have a little one. Baby steps hon, you don't need to be everything to everyone all the time, just do what you can manage for now and be kind on yourself.
    If I feel like you are, I take a deep breath and focus on what I can and do feel like doing, even if it means having to delegate some things to DH when he gets home or cooking in advance. I often grab the kids and get out in the air, even if it's just a little walk around the block. They get so much out of that, even if it feels lame to me. (if I'm feeling down).

    Do you have a supportive DH/partner? Can you share the load of the things that you feel are getting neglected? Do you think you could be feeling overwhelmed with your boy turning one? Sometimes others can make a big deal out of the first birthday and if you're already feeling a bit down that may well be compounding it.

  4. #4
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    I don't think many mums don't have guilt over not playing their kids enough, not cleaning enough etc. As a mum no matter what you do you will never feel like its enough and you will always feel guilty.

    Set aside a certain amount of play time each day and make sure you're meeting that quota, then spend the rest of the time doing what you want.

  5. #5
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    I just wanted to say you are not alone, I think everyone feels like this at some point. For me I think it comes from losing 'who I am.' It feels like my identity is 'mum' and 'wife' and it can really start to make me depressed and unmotivated. Often being a parent isn't what we expected it to be especially if you are a SAHM.
    I'm not sure what advice to offer other than try to get a sitter and go out to dinner with your partner where you get to dress up and be yourself or whatever you enjoy doing its so important to still enjoy yourself and have 'me' time and time alone with your partner.
    Sorry I'm not much help I just wanted you to know that you are not a failure, motherhood is hard whether you've got 1 child or 6.

  6. #6
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    I often wonder, and have days where things seem like that.

    I found a clean house had me energised to do things like cook good food and play with ds. I start in the easy rooms to clean as I can see progress, and that motivates me to continue...I now have a routine, and its even easier. Bathroom, toilet, laundry, bedrooms, kitchen and lounge. Vaccum all, then mop when ds sleeps. Takes maybe an hour in the morning. I re tidy when he goes at night, dishes and pick up his toys.

    Meal plan! write out what meals you would like before shopping, buy the ingredients... I then cook In bulk or prepare as much as I can! Spaghetti sauce is perfect, can do lasagne, tacos, pasta bakes etc from one thing and freeze. If I'm having a stir fry, I slice the meat before freezing. Precut a few days of vegies/salads/fruit at once....

    It takes a bit to get into the routine, but once you start, the effort is only once or twice a week, some meals are so quick and you feel great that you are feeding the family healthy food with minimal effort at the time. we shop thursdays, I prepare then, batch cook fridays.

    E.g. tonight we are having quiche. I have a pastry free recipe, and the bacon was diced before freezing, and onion is already cut in the fridge. I buy grated cheese. Will take me 5 mins to go from getting the bowl out to mixing it, to putting it in the oven. And about 5 mins to whip up a salad with the ingredients already prepared in the fridge.

    The other night I was just not feeling up to cooking, so pulled some spaghetti sauce from the freezer and heated it. I know it had lots of vegies in it (onion capsicum mushroom celery carrot pumpkin and zuchinni) it also had a can of kidney beans pureed in it. it took me 10 mins to cook the pasta, and the sauce was done in that time.

    I also find cooking similar ingredient things easier... So last week I steamed a chicken, deboned and skinned it, cut the meat up and used it to make 2 different soups and a mornay. The chicken and veggie soup had grated vegies, like I used in the spaghetti sauce, and also in a veggie/zuchini slice. 10 mins to peel and cut chunky, 10 mins to grate them in the processor. Only need to wash the processor once for the week, instead of 3 or 4 times!

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to shadowangel0205 For This Useful Post:

    GreenMama  (16-04-2013),Isabellabean  (16-04-2013)

  8. #7
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    Yeah, I know what you mean OP. I think most Mothers can relate to your experience, perhaps the only difference could be that these feelings/thoughts are affecting you more intensely at present.

    It does indeed sound like you may be depressed and I would encourage to seek help from a Doctor/Psych etc.

    Having said that though, although I would not say I am depressed but I still have frequent moments each day where I think I just cannot cope with anymore Incy Wincy spider and wishing I was somewhere else...then I feel guilty.

    Your Mum really needs to get on board and support you too. Less guilt and judgement is what you need. I wonder if your Mum realises that you are depressed, not lazy. I know it can be hard but it would be really helpful of you could give her more information about what you are actually going through.

    What State are you in?
    Last edited by Albert01; 16-04-2013 at 11:55.

  9. #8
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    Just wanted to offer you some hugs, I feel much the same today, in fact I just sent my DH a msg saying I feel like a crappy mum cos I am just so tired all the time that I dont do anything fun with my kids cos it takes all of my energy to just stay awake. I can only hope a little bit of the exhaustion goes away once #3 is born...

    Try to be kind to yourself, you are not alone by any means.

  10. #9
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    Thanks so much everyone, I think I might go see my GP and see if he thinks I may have PND. It does make sense because I wanted this so badly and now I feel hopeless. Yes my husband is very supportive and he takes the reigns most of the time. He is really worried about me but hopefully we will figure this all out soon. I'm in nsw

  11. #10
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    I think that's a good idea ^ and it's also reassuring to hear you have a very supportive DH too. Take care.


 

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