When she says he's not religious and never goes to church, once your child comes along, all the things you yourself did as a child and the things that had meaning culturaly come back to you and you want to share that with your children. I think that's quite normal.
When people say they get their kids baptised for the family etc. I can also understand that because I do think it's a lovely ceremony and tradition for the whole family.
What is the harm in her child being baptised? I find most people who were baptised still make their own decisions on their beliefs later in life and I honestly don't believe it will harm him/her.
I find the most confusing part where, how can someone be with another person and not know their beliefs. Didn't they ever have the discussion?
I do think religion usually trumps because that's a belief steeped heavily in culture, tradition and family. If you don't believe in anything then thats not really cultural, it has no tradition and so I don't think that holds as much value.
It's like marrying someone who is jewish, you are atheist, then never allowing your children to have shabbat dinner or not allowing them to become involved in their families religious traditions, and saying 'I don't believe or I'm atheist and thats just as important so we're having pork instead' I don't know, I don't think that's right.
If you both have strong beliefs like 1 is muslim and 1 is catholic and you have to choose 1 because you can't be both, then that is a discussion you have to have before you have kids or get married at all. It breaks alot of couples up that I know of and familes even. It's definately important for alot of people.
Your situation was specific to how your relationship worked out and what was important to you and your now husband. I believe some people would say before having children that religion wasn't important to them, but then change once they actually have children. I don't blame them for that - but it's something that would be challenging.
Its important to understand that infant baptism is merely church tradition and not founded in the bible itself for anyone who is considering it.
It doesnt even match with the bibles definition of baptism which is full immerson by a consenting person who has 'chosen' to follow christ of their own accord.
An infant cant do any of these things. They are judged purely by their parents standing according to the scriptures until they are of an age to make a decision for themselves.
When I first met my husband, we were both going overseas and would not see each other for a few months, but to ask those questions was not our priority, even though we knew we wanted to see each other when we got back.
Last edited by BigRedV; 18-04-2013 at 06:50.
I can totally see how the question never comes up. DP and i have very similar beliefs. We're both left leaning, feminist, highly educated, travel loving somewhat tree huggy atheists. So when I was pregnant with DS, I was really surprised when DP was talking baptism. He just thought it was a nice ritual, somewhat if a family tradition, and he liked the idea of God parents.
I could NEVER baptize my kids. I would feel like I was walking into a church and telling a lie, which I think is so disrespectful of someone else's religion- even if DP was strongly religious I couldn't do it. I would let him baptize our children himself, if he wanted to raise them religiously.
In the end, we named Heathen Parents for our children
I simply could not be in a relationship with someone who is religious. It just wouldn't work. Like I think it was said by Sassy, I am not just atheist, I am actively anti-religion. I just wouldn't gel with someone who didn't share these beliefs. If I was seeking a new long term partner there would be no point if they didn't have similar views.
Obviously people are different but these kinds of things are not deal breakers for me, neither is their religion, ethnicity, financial situation etc.. I met my DH when he was penniless, living in a $hit dive in inner city melbourne with no job, the only thing he had was his dog, some clothes and a train ticket and I fell in love pretty much instantly - not lust.
The only things that I would leave someone I loved for would have to involve them abusing me in some way or if they were cheating on me. I would never leave DH if I loved him because he lost money or developed addictions.
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