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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    But what if the other wanted/didn't want what you did? And aren't the first few dates meant to be about getting to know the other person? And don't ppl have deal breakers?

    I disagree. Ppl fall in lust with each other. Love takes time to grow.
    For me, the deal breakers for the first few dates (it has been a LONG time since I dated LOL) were stinky breath and bad taste in music. And overt racism. Certainly not religion and whether or not the other person wanted kids.

    I do agree that people fall in lust before love. But for me that only reinforces the reason why I would not be discussing serious matters like kids, religion and marriage! Why would I want to have that kind of discussion with a person I am not completely committed to a long term relationship with them? The best thing about the start of any relationship, is how carefree it is before all the serious stuff comes along!

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    In reply to the topic-

    I am from a (practising) Christian family but am not baptised as my parents felt it should be a decision I would make for myself when I was ready. Although I do have a strong faith in God, I am not really 'practising', and have not been baptised.

    My husband's family is Catholic (as in not practising), he was christened as a baby.

    We have not baptised our kids as I believe they should decide for themselves if they want to be a part of a church. My husband's family really wants us to get them done.

    Although I think they should be able to choose for themselves, if it meant that much to him and/or his family, I'd happily go along with it. It is not something I am really passionate about either way.

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    risfaerie  (17-04-2013)

  4. #53
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    Oh, and I fell in 'lust' and got pregnant, so religion and all that wasn't even on the radar! It did later develop into love, but it was too late to back out then if it hadn't lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post

    As for moving on quickly if your DH wasn't a practising catholic.... Eeek! That makes me feel a tad uncomfortable. Couples of different races/religions/nationalities can make it work. Only accepting a partner from your own little world... On one hand I can see the benefit... On the other hand I think it's discriminatory and a bit narrowminded and could make for a dull union (not necessarily saying that's the case with you and your hubby).
    Dh and and I are of different races and cultures. What we are similar in is our religious beliefs, family values and financial behaviours/goals and joint love of good food.

    I wanted to get married to someone who would be supportive in raising children in the catholic faith. Someone who would attend services regularly, follow the traditions and have a working knowledge of the faith. I didn't care where they were born or what colour their skin was, or what code of football they follow.

    I don't see that as discriminatory?

    But I did date a Lutheran for a long time but there were simply too many clashes with religious beliefs. Did not bode well for further growth so moved on.

  6. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    As for moving on quickly if your DH wasn't a practising catholic.... Eeek! That makes me feel a tad uncomfortable. Couples of different races/religions/nationalities can make it work. Only accepting a partner from your own little world... On one hand I can see the benefit... On the other hand I think it's discriminatory and a bit narrowminded and could make for a dull union (not necessarily saying that's the case with you and your hubby).
    That may work for many couples but there is just no way I could be married or in a serious relationship with someone who didn't share the same fundamental views. There are actually a lot of similarities between my exH and my DF. Both are atheist, both lean towards the political left, both are exceptionally bright to the point of being gifted (which I liked because I found it mentally challenging), both have a knock out sense of humour, both were well read and kept up to date with current affairs. DF and I often discuss current affairs. If every time we had a discussion about current affairs we disagreed on the fundamental issue at hand it would make for a lot of debate in the house which is not conducive to a loving relationship. To be honest I don't see how 2 people who share such different views could make a relationship work but I'm not in their relationship so it's not for me to judge.

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-04-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    But what if the other wanted/didn't want what you did? And aren't the first few dates meant to be about getting to know the other person? And don't ppl have deal breakers?
    I still dont get why it is necessary to bring religion up on the first date. Its a bit dramatic. Did you discuss every possible topic of potential disagreement before the third date?
    - farting in bed
    - anal sex
    - if one of you get fatter
    - if one of your parents gets sick and wants to move in with you
    - will you be a stay at home mum when you have kids, doing 99% of the housework
    - who will get up to bubba at 3am
    - have either or you ever had bisexual desires
    - is nose picking acceptable
    -

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    Quote Originally Posted by wannawannabe View Post
    A very Christian friend fell in love with a very Muslim man about 4 years ago. 3 years of a secret relationship (which wasnt so secret because it was pretty obvious to us!!!), they've broken up because they know they won't be able to marry or be together longterm due to their vastly different beliefs and I have a very heartbroken, very depressed (almost suicidal) friend.

    she spent a lot of those 3 years confused about what was more important - him or her religion, but unfortunately he chose his religion and ended it.

    if people could pick who they fell in love with, then I'm sure she wouldn't have chosen to put herself through years of agony.
    Oh your poor friend What a tough situation for them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I still dont get why it is necessary to bring religion up on the first date. Its a bit dramatic. Did you discuss every possible topic of potential disagreement before the third date?
    - farting in bed
    - anal sex
    - if one of you get fatter
    - if one of your parents gets sick and wants to move in with you
    - will you be a stay at home mum when you have kids, doing 99% of the housework
    - who will get up to bubba at 3am
    - have either or you ever had bisexual desires
    - is nose picking acceptable
    -
    I find this post of yours very rude Vic park.

    I didn't say it was necessary, I just said it happened. And Dh asked the question. Maybe cos I come from a country where Catholics are a rarity. He also asked if I spoke English to my parents and if I was here on a visa or permanent resident.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I find this post of yours very rude Vic park.

    I didn't say it was necessary, I just said it happened. And Dh asked the question. Maybe cos I come from a country where Catholics are a rarity. He also asked if I spoke English to my parents and if I was here on a visa or permanent resident.
    Im sorry I thought you were pushing that people should sort out where they stand religion/kids wise within the first few dates...That time could be wasted if people didnt clarify this early on. Did I misinterpret your posts?

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  14. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Im sorry I thought you were pushing that people should sort out where they stand religion/kids wise within the first few dates...That time could be wasted if people didnt clarify this early on. Did I misinterpret your posts?
    Yes people need to sort out what they want from life and their partner earlier on in a relationship. Maybe not in the first week but definitely in that first month if a long term relationship is what you want. But not after kids have arrived and then argue about which church the baptism should occur in.

    For us it was the first few months as Dh was heading overseas on his tour and wanted to know if I'd hang around for him. So we nutted out the important questions. We were both ready for stable long term relationships. I certainly wasn't going to wait 6-8mths for him to get back only to realize that it wasn't going to work out.


 

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