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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToonZie View Post
    Just wanted to throw this out there for thoughts and/or possible suggestions.

    A friend of mine who is also pregnant was quite surprised recently to find that her husband feels very strongly about having their baby baptized. She was baptized but isn't religious and he isn't practicing. She feels that it's a choice that a person should make when they are old enough. Her husband is pretty insistent that he wants an earlier baptism. She has tried to suggest a non religious naming ceremony, but he's not happy with that.

    Just got me a curious about other people's experiences etc on this sort of thing...
    I am a "fringe Christian", who has grown up at various times at church and at other times away. I have pretty strong but pretty left wing views on Christianity, probably not agreed with by the more main****** church.

    DH is science based. He is not an atheist, he simply believes that he is not the one with the answers. He would lean towards atheism, though he is accepting of others and their beliefs.

    We were both christened, though neither of us find it necessary for our children. Neither of us see the point in christenings, baptisms, or naming days at all. My kids will make their choices when they want to. I find non-religious people baptising their kids incredibly hypocritical actually. And I don't understand naming days AT ALL. Your child already has a name. Don't get it?

    Depending on your DH's denomination, some churches offer a "dedication" which is a welcoming into the community. Far less official than a baptism. Also, pp's suggestion of some form of party with a minister saying a special prayer could be a nice compromise too.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Can you get your name removed from the church records?

    Then maybe get a tattoo, have some lesbian sex and dishonour your parents too?

    ... and any of those wonderful things the bible forbids, but Australian law doesn't.
    Being an unwed single mother is a good start I think Good suggestion about the church records, I must look into how I can do that.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by JD Mumma View Post
    Does your friend really understand what baptism actually is? Its not an act of a parent committing a child to something without their agreement, or forcing decisions upon the child about how they are going to believe.
    A baptism is a welcoming ceremony to a community, yes this community is religious and yes they have their traditions and values and what not. This is the time that you provide the child with the tools, information and ideals of what this community is about.
    At a childs confirmation is the time that they then accept this for themselves. It is their choice.
    For those non believers, a baptism is merely a child being splashed on the head with water, right? If you believe it is all hogwash then why is it such an issue?
    I understand their are the zealots out their that indoctrinate their children into kinda crazy ideas and that can be off putting for some who dont have any other view into religion. However, from my experience, both from my own religious upbringing and my extensive volunteer work amongst other religious groups, they are foremost a community. A support, a network.
    From my experience in this situation (DH is an atheist) when it really came down to the open and honest conversation, he didnt want to be left out, so he didnt want to let it happen. He had this idea that DS and I would get all exclusive becquse we shared something he didnt. Which at the end of the day was just the opposite of what I wanted to do. After he undertood that he would be included in all those things and decisions, he was on board.
    Maybe the reasons are more than 'i dont believe and i wont let this happen because of that'
    When you baptise or christen your child, you are required to repeat an oath that will bring your child up according to and within the denomination that you have had the ceremony under. You sign paperwork. You elect god parents. You agree to bring your children up according to the bible. So you are entering an agreement (though not legally binding) to bring you child up within a certain belief.

    Which is why I wouldn't do it. I want to be as far away from the "religious" side of Christianity as I possibly can be!

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I never spoke about religion, marriage, kids on first few dates

    First few dates are for fun, then again, religion is not high on my priority list.
    But what if the other wanted/didn't want what you did? And aren't the first few dates meant to be about getting to know the other person? And don't ppl have deal breakers?


    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I suspect from this that religion is very important to both of you. But for a lot of people religion isn't something that is discussed. Unless it's something you're heavily committed to I don't agree it would automatically come up. DH and I didn't discuss kids or marriage until we'd been together for over 2 years. I had no idea about his views on religion before then.
    By 2yrs Dh had already served two tours in Afghanistan and we were engaged waiting for his return to get married. I had already moved interstate to be near him and wasn't going to hang around 'waiting' for the relationship to not work out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    Most people I know avoid religion (and politics) as discussion topics for a fair while- too contentious!

    Gosh, the third date ( back in my single days) had an entirely different meaning I can't say I'd ever discussed marriage on the third date!

    As to the "why" you'd fall in love with someone who had different beliefs... Gee, I don't think I've ever consciously decided to fall in love! Just kinda happens.

    We're all different
    I'm not saying to not to fall in love with someone of different viewpoints but at least work it out before you get too deeply embroiled. And if its a deal breaker for you then you are aware nice and early. Otherwise time is wasted by all.

    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Because love just happens to lots of people, it's not something that is planned via a set of criteria.
    I disagree. Ppl fall in lust with each other. Love takes time to grow.

    Also there are times where we might love someone but they may not be good for us. Ie financially unstable, addictions etc. Or they may not want what you want ie kids. Then would you still stay? I know I wouldn't.

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  6. #45
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    I'm athiest and couldn't give a cr@p that I was Christened as a baby. To me it's just one of many decisions my parents made that doesn't affect me now. It's not like circumcision which is irreversible.

    I cant understand how a grown adult can let their baptism status affect them to the point they feel they need to vent/Remove themselves from church records. I dont mean to be rude but to me that says there are deeper issues at play.

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    Lauzy83  (18-04-2013)

  8. #46
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    If religion was that important, I suspect it would've been discussed, like you did.

    The first few dates for me were never discussing things like that. Dating is supposed to be fun, which can lead to something serious. Well that's how it was for me anyway. I didn't have a checklist out, ready to discuss, lol!

  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I think its wrong to baptise your child if BOTH parents are not on the same practicing page.

    These things need to be sorted out before you set up house and have kids IMO.

    If Dh was not a practicing catholic I would have moved on quickly.
    One could also say that they think its wrong for a child to NOT be Baptised if both parents aren't athiest.

    As for moving on quickly if your DH wasn't a practising catholic.... Eeek! That makes me feel a tad uncomfortable. Couples of different races/religions/nationalities can make it work. Only accepting a partner from your own little world... On one hand I can see the benefit... On the other hand I think it's discriminatory and a bit narrowminded and could make for a dull union (not necessarily saying that's the case with you and your hubby).

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  11. #48
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    Also, it was never my life mission to find a husband, marry and have kids. I wanted to do loads of other stuff first

  12. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    One could also say that they think its wrong for a child to NOT be Baptised if both parents aren't athiest.

    As for moving on quickly if your DH wasn't a practising catholic.... Eeek! That makes me feel a tad uncomfortable. Couples of different races/religions/nationalities can make it work. Only accepting a partner from your own little world... On one hand I can see the benefit... On the other hand I think it's discriminatory and a bit narrowminded and could make for a dull union.
    I agree!

    My husband is Irish. He is catholic. One of his best friend's wife's parents got married in Ireland during "The Troubles" in Ireland. The wife 's mum is Protestant and the father is catholic. They're pretty happy and been married a long time, despite both being very religious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    As to the "why" you'd fall in love with someone who had different beliefs... Gee, I don't think I've ever consciously decided to fall in love! Just kinda happens.
    A very Christian friend fell in love with a very Muslim man about 4 years ago. 3 years of a secret relationship (which wasnt so secret because it was pretty obvious to us!!!), they've broken up because they know they won't be able to marry or be together longterm due to their vastly different beliefs and I have a very heartbroken, very depressed (almost suicidal) friend.

    she spent a lot of those 3 years confused about what was more important - him or her religion, but unfortunately he chose his religion and ended it.

    if people could pick who they fell in love with, then I'm sure she wouldn't have chosen to put herself through years of agony.


 

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