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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by casio1 View Post
    This is exactly what I was afraid of OP.

    You said your husband knew of the texts etc, and you've been pretty honest in what you feel while you've been explaining stuff to us and you certainly did not begin this thread by saying "I think i'm emotionally cheating on my husband", so if you honestly didn't think you were at the start of the night, then I think that's your answer to your own question. There are enough things that you already feel guilt about, don't add this one if you don't think it warranted.

    At its very worst, mental illnesses can convince people of all sorts of non-truths such as that they are better off not alive. If that's not clouded judgement then I don't know what is, but when someone is unwell, they can easily enough start to believe the lies/misperceptions their illnesses feed them. So if mental illness let you believe that this GP was doing the right thing by you even though to an average person off the street it seems at least a little fishy, then heavens, I think you could be forgiven in making the wrong judgement. He abused his position. You went in assuming that GPs are there to help and can be trusted, and you went in unwell and needing help. He did nothing to advertise that he was not trustworthy, in fact he fed you stories to believe that he was exactly what you needed and could be trusted.

    I think you were preyed upon and are a victim in all this. There is no shame in this as you are vulnerable at the moment. Do not go adding another issue around guilt from a perceived emotional affair to your situation if its not a real issue.

    I hope that you can get through this and get help.
    thabk you, I can't belt have how much helpful info you are giving me but I am really grateful!! I understand what you are saying, that he has the power, I am unwell etc... But I feel like some of it was my fault. I replied to the texts, I talked about things with him, I wanted to please him(god that sounds so sick) I just wanted him to never ever leave because then I might just not survive. Again, I see how illogical this is sounding. I played into a really poisonous situation knowing the dangers because I so badly wanted to be well. I should have stopped it so much earlier...

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    see, this makes me feel terrible. What if he was suspended?! He could make my life hell if he turned this back on me. He is powerful. I am not. He is strong, right now, I am not. If I destroyed his career, I'm certain he would destroy my life
    Why the hell do I still feel like I need him!! You ladies tonight though have made me look at this differently, and I hope you realised how much pain this could potentially save me from inflicting on myself..
    Don't report him until you feel strong enough. And powerful enough.
    Don't let the fear of what he COULD do stop you getting the help you need.
    Edit to add: YOU are not destroying his career. He knows the conseqyences for these things.
    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub
    Last edited by Jennaisme; 14-04-2013 at 00:09.

  3. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Don't report him until you feel strong enough. And powerful enough.
    Don't let the fear of what he COULD do stop you getting the help you need.
    Edit to add: YOU are not destroying his career. He knows the conseqyences for these things.
    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub
    Thank you.. You are right. Maybe I need to be stronger..

    You ladies have made me wonder tonight, what if I'm not as special as he told me? That I am not actually the only one he does this to? Though he swears I am.. I am normally, pre this "mental breakdown" a strong person.. I guess that stopped me from letting it get too out of control just yet, though I know I am still in deep. At times I wanted to run away from my family, friends & run to him because he could take away my blackness & that's all I wanted in the moment. I never did, I could have, but I had a tiny bit of strength and logic saving me. What if there are other young, struggling woman out there that are worse, don't have strength left...
    he would have happily, although he always said otherwise, watched my marriage further crumble... & he wanted to save me in that scenario too. God. This is so bloody messy, what a dangerous web I have spun!

    Ladies, I cannot thank you enough for your input tonight. I can't believe how helpful, caring & responsive complete strangers can be....

  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Thank you.. You are right. Maybe I need to be stronger..

    You ladies have made me wonder tonight, what if I'm not as special as he told me? That I am not actually the only one he does this to? Though he swears I am.. I am normally, pre this "mental breakdown" a strong person.. I guess that stopped me from letting it get too out of control just yet, though I know I am still in deep. At times I wanted to run away from my family, friends & run to him because he could take away my blackness & that's all I wanted in the moment. I never did, I could have, but I had a tiny bit of strength and logic saving me. What if there are other young, struggling woman out there that are worse, don't have strength left...
    he would have happily, although he always said otherwise, watched my marriage further crumble... & he wanted to save me in that scenario too. God. This is so bloody messy, what a dangerous web I have spun!

    Ladies, I cannot thank you enough for your input tonight. I can't believe how helpful, caring & responsive complete strangers can be....
    You may have been the first, maybe not. I can guarantee you won't be the last. It's this notion of you being "special" that is symptomatic of him grooming you - grooming is an an incredibly complex process. When do you see your psych next? Is it possible to have your husband come with you and you print this thread off and show it to your psych and your husband - this needs to come out into the open in order for your GPs power to be diminished.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    You may have been the first, maybe not. I can guarantee you won't be the last. It's this notion of you being "special" that is symptomatic of him grooming you - grooming is an an incredibly complex process. When do you see your psych next? Is it possible to have your husband come with you and you print this thread off and show it to your psych and your husband - this needs to come out into the open in order for your GPs power to be diminished.

    can you explain grooming? I had never heard this before & it is making me feel sick because although I'm not sure of the definitive meaning, I can only assume...

    I don't see my psych for 3 weeks! I was actually only there yesterday... She is aware of the situation - kind of - but obviously I couldn't tell her it was my doctor that she communicates with so much because for one, she would have to report him, & I wasn't ready.

    I have emailed her (we email occasionally if I'm really strugglingd) some parts of this thread tonight.. While I was feeling brave. We will see where that goes.

    Thank you again..

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    I havent read this whole thread yet, but had to reply. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and although I am in a good place atm I havent always been and understand what an ongoing battle depression is.

    First of all, I think you are a very strong person to be making an effort to stop communication and to have pulled away when he tried to kiss you.

    I do beleive your doctor is abusing his position of trust, where you are so vulnerable and he is taking advantage of your need for support and reassurance. He is trusted by patients by his profession, age, and confidence and in my opinion is not doing the right thing by you - both morally and otherwise.

    I think its important for you to stay strong, and look to your dh for support as even though he may not always understand, he loves you no matter what and supports you - just probaly doesnt always know how to show that.

    I can tell you from experience that as hard and as impossible as it may seem to move on and get to a better place, it is possible and you will feel proud of how strong you are and what you have overcome once you get there.

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by penguinbaby View Post
    I havent read this whole thread yet, but had to reply. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and although I am in a good place atm I havent always been and understand what an ongoing battle depression is.

    First of all, I think you are a very strong person to be making an effort to stop communication and to have pulled away when he tried to kiss you.

    I do beleive your doctor is abusing his position of trust, where you are so vulnerable and he is taking advantage of your need for support and reassurance. He is trusted by patients by his profession, age, and confidence and in my opinion is not doing the right thing by you - both morally and otherwise.

    I think its important for you to stay strong, and look to your dh for support as even though he may not always understand, he loves you no matter what and supports you - just probaly doesnt always know how to show that.

    I can tell you from experience that as hard and as impossible as it may seem to move on and get to a better place, it is possible and you will feel proud of how strong you are and what you have overcome once you get there.
    thabk you for your reply & opinion. It is really nice to hear other perspectives, & tonight, you ladies have kept me from replying & actually made me feel a little mad at him (I haven't felt like he is wrong through all of this). Thank you for your encouraging words, I am so glad you are doing better & you do give me hope!

  8. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    can you explain grooming? I had never heard this before & it is making me feel sick because although I'm not sure of the definitive meaning, I can only assume...

    I don't see my psych for 3 weeks! I was actually only there yesterday... She is aware of the situation - kind of - but obviously I couldn't tell her it was my doctor that she communicates with so much because for one, she would have to report him, & I wasn't ready.

    I have emailed her (we email occasionally if I'm really strugglingd) some parts of this thread tonight.. While I was feeling brave. We will see where that goes.

    Thank you again..
    Grooming is a term used predominantly with regard to pedophiles - it's the process that they use to emotionally manipulate their victim and their victims family into trusting them. They entrench themselves into the lives of the victim, they make the victim feel part of the abuse - make them ultimately feel like they complied, made them like it - it made them feel special and then they feel unable to tell or to seek help. They trap them in this web but the victim thinks that this can't be bad? He's my friend, he wants what's right for me. It's all web.

    I think this might be happening to you.

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  10. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Grooming is a term used predominantly with regard to pedophiles - it's the process that they use to emotionally manipulate their victim and their victims family into trusting them. They entrench themselves into the lives of the victim, they make the victim feel part of the abuse - make them ultimately feel like they complied, made them like it - it made them feel special and then they feel unable to tell or to seek help. They trap them in this web but the victim thinks that this can't be bad? He's my friend, he wants what's right for me. It's all web.

    I think this might be happening to you.

    That resonates with me, & I'm feeling so scared.. Thank you for your insight. I somehow need to find the courage to untangle myself from this consuming web..
    Its hard though.. He has been my lifeline for so long now, how do I change that perception? How do I learn to live without it when life without is so scary? I know I can only answer these questions for myself in time. Thank you.

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    hi I have just been reading your thread and I would like to pm you with my advice and how it affected me, I just don't feel comfortable explaining it on here, its up to you if you want to read it


 

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