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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by casio1 View Post
    I agree that you seem quite strong even though you dont feel it. thats why I think you have the faculty to start building an alternate support network ASAP to protect yourself if this current one stops (seeing as it is highly inappropriate and the Dr would definitely know that what he is doing is plain WRONG).

    There is one thing about this situation I can not shake, and I really don't want to distract others from keeping up the excellent posts that can help you, but I think it's worth considering. When I read your story, I got the same creepy gut churning feeling I do when I hear about terrible cases of kids being abused. So often those kids are vulnerable and someone comes in to their life and preys upon them because they know they are easy targets, and more often than not those adults are in positions of authority/power. There are quite a few parallels here in my mind and I am of firm belief that this is entirely his abuse of his power and position of trust, and that you are in no way to blame, you have simply become his victim. I do not think you are in any way to blame for the situation; I think that if you started to feel partially to blame may make things harder to recover from in the long term.

    Having said that, if looking at the situation as an emotional affair is the kick in the pants you need to cease contact, then harness that feeling but do so knowing that it may make things tougher in the long run.

    I just don't think you should beat yourself up and think it is your fault. Being depressed, suffering anxiety, these things can make your thoughts stray so far from what a rational, mentally healthy person would think. I find sometimes people who have not been in that position can not understand how far removed your thoughts can be and can not understand HOW your mind could tell you these thoughts and that you'd actually believe them. And that's not YOU, that's your mental illnesses making that happen. So in my mind your actions would hardly constitute a conscious choice to start an emotional affair. In fact, your actions when under fire have suggested that you understand the inappropriateness of this situation and your want to stop it (turning down the kiss, avoiding contact since, posting on here looking for help). The tough bit now left for you is sorting out that alternative support network
    You know... I just cried reading your reply.. That really hit home & I can't believe I just cried reading that... It gave me goosebumps too, what am I doing.....
    when you say, "if looking at it though it is an emotion affair is a kick in the pants you need, then do it but realise it might make it harder in the long wrong?". What do you mean there, do you mean if I believe that, it will make recovery harder? Sorry, I'm so confused.

    I do realise my flaws in all of this. I just wanted help, I wanted him to care about me because I felt like he could save me, of all people, my doctor wanted to being me out of the blackness & knowing he cared made me believe he could. I feel silly because everything I'm writing sounds so silly.

    thankyou thankyou thankyou for your reply, I'm so glad you wrote all of that.

  2. #72
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    Ok, dirty great big red flag went up when you said he wanted you to stop taking the meds because he could make you better.

    Honestly, he sounds like he has manipulated you into a seemingly permanent state of dependency, as soon as you started showing signs of improvement he got nervous and told you to stop them so you stay needy of him. You can not just stop taking the meds, and certainly not after such a short amount of time.

    You doctor seems to have rather large problems of his own, and you absolutely can no longer trust him to have your best intentions at heart. Get out of this situation now, as soon as you can. Tell your psychiatrist that the effexor (I think that was what you said had helped a bit) seemed to be helping but that you can absolutely no longer see your GP ever again, and let her take over the care of your meds and cut ties with GP ASAP.

    I can not believe that some of the people we trust to look after the vulnerable and sick people in our community can do this, it makes my blood boil. I just hope you can see how very very wrong this situation is and can build enough support quickly to cut ties with him as soon as possible. Good luck OP

    ETA: reply to OP's question. Ok, apart from in the long term you healing from your current anxiety and depression related issues, if you see this as an emotional affair that you consciously bought in to (as opposed to your mental illnesses allowing your judgement to be clouded and for you to get into this situation), then later on you are going to have to come to terms with your feelings of guilt around the 'affair' you feel you had as well. And that is just completely not fair on you. No one blames a child for being sexually abused, yet many victims continue to struggle with their own feelings of guilt even though everyone would correctly reassure them in a heartbeat it was NOT THEIR FAULT. So if you start out already assuming you were guilty (rather than just taken advantage of) then I can only imagine how much tougher it would make your recovery process.
    Last edited by casio1; 13-04-2013 at 23:02.

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  4. #73
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    Oh hun.what a difficult situation he has put you in. I can't imagine how confused you are because he must feel like your safety net when things get tough.i think and I assume you know hence why you posted that his behaviour is very inappropriate and not healthy for you given how fragile you are . Please. You need to talk to someone else about whats been happening. None of this is your fault.you were fragile and vulnerable and he has taken advantage of that . As hard as it is you need to find another specialist to treat you because catching up outside of your appointment is treading a very fine line.i don't have a lot of advice but for your own wellbeing you need to cut ties with this man because he is doing you and your recovery more harm than good.i hope you can get the help you need because you deserve to be happy without being reliant on him xxx massive hugs

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by casio1 View Post
    There is one thing about this situation I can not shake, and I really don't want to distract others from keeping up the excellent posts that can help you, but I think it's worth considering. When I read your story, I got the same creepy gut churning feeling I do when I hear about terrible cases of kids being abused. So often those kids are vulnerable and someone comes in to their life and preys upon them because they know they are easy targets, and more often than not those adults are in positions of authority/power. There are quite a few parallels here in my mind and I am of firm belief that this is entirely his abuse of his power and position of trust, and that you are in no way to blame, you have simply become his victim. I do not think you are in any way to blame for the situation; I think that if you started to feel partially to blame may make things harder to recover from in the long term.
    I totally agree. This whole situation reeks of you being groomed by a predator. Manipulated by a person abusing their position of power into believing that you have contributed to this situation. That you need him, that he saved you.

    You need real support in order to change this. You MUST talk to your psych.

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  8. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by casio1 View Post
    Ok, dirty great big red flag went up when you said he wanted you to stop taking the meds because he could make you better.

    Honestly, he sounds like he has manipulated you into a seemingly permanent state of dependency, as soon as you started showing signs of improvement he got nervous and told you to stop them so you stay needy of him. You can not just stop taking the meds, and certainly not after such a short amount of time.

    You doctor seems to have rather large problems of his own, and you absolutely can no longer trust him to have your best intentions at heart. Get out of this situation now, as soon as you can. Tell your psychiatrist that the effexor (I think that was what you said had helped a bit) seemed to be helping but that you can absolutely no longer see your GP ever again, and let her take over the care of your meds and cut ties with GP ASAP.

    I can not believe that some of the people we trust to look after the vulnerable and sick people in our community can do this, it makes my blood boil. I just hope you can see how very very wrong this situation is and can build enough support quickly to cut ties with him as soon as possible. Good luck OP
    thank you, all of your points, I know they are right. I am finally starting to see that he may not have my best interests at heart (it's hard though, he is constantly telling me - "all I want is to see you happy." Or "I'm always here for you, my professional opinion has not changed" (that was after asking him if I should see another GP for medication management).. He even says things to try and help me (I am having my own marriage troubles and have been for some time) and he says things like "go and spend the day with your husband, do something nice" or "you can fix your marriage, nothing would make me happier"... So then I feel like he really is my friend!!!)

    What would happen to him if he was reported? :|

  9. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    thank you, all of your points, I know they are right. I am finally starting to see that he may not have my best interests at heart (it's hard though, he is constantly telling me - "all I want is to see you happy." Or "I'm always here for you, my professional opinion has not changed" (that was after asking him if I should see another GP for medication management).. He even says things to try and help me (I am having my own marriage troubles and have been for some time) and he says things like "go and spend the day with your husband, do something nice" or "you can fix your marriage, nothing would make me happier"... So then I feel like he really is my friend!!!)

    What would happen to him if he was reported? :|
    He would be thoroughly investigated, more than likely suspended and if he is discovered to have done this to others, lose his license.

    And this is NOT YOUR FAULT. EVER. AT ALL. There are rules and guidelines in place for medical practicioners because they are in a place of trust above most professions.

    Other women would be saved from this happening to them. Some may not be as strong as you are.

    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub

  10. #77
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    OP, a few of us have said it before, only report him if/when you feel strong enough. Know that if you do you will help others too, but only do it if and when you are ready to.

    Certainly dont let the potential consequences for him influence what you do, you NEED to make changes to protect yourself first.

    And he is grooming you. I didn't want to say it before, but he is. All these things he says are designed to make you feel a certain way so you keep coming back and he keeps the situation the way he wants it. Even when he seemed ok with you going to another GP, thats cheap talk when he KNEW his victim wouldnt go to someone else because they were essentially addicted to you, but gosh didnt it make you feel re-assured that he was an A1 top bloke, thus drawing you in deeper. Dont be fooled, he is manipulative and you are unfortunately an easy target for his skills.

    I agree with other posters (sorry cant remember who, baby brain!) that while it might feel embarrassing, you need to confide everything you've said here to someone professional that can help. Even the bits about what the doctor has said and done, and be honest about your fears for your mental state without him as your crutch. The heavy reliance on him is now a whole new additional problem on top of the anxiety and depression you were battling before, that's thanks to the Dr who was MEANT to be helping you get better. If it's all too much to deal with in one go, tell them you do not want to report them just yet as you are not strong enough. A proper professional will understand that and will understand how critical respecting that will be to your recovery. And they will keep you safe however they need to, dont be scared, or shy or embarrassed as they WILL have your health as their top priority. You need proper, responsible help!

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  12. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by casio1 View Post
    Ok, dirty great big red flag went up when you said he wanted you to stop taking the meds because he could make you better.

    Honestly, he sounds like he has manipulated you into a seemingly permanent state of dependency, as soon as you started showing signs of improvement he got nervous and told you to stop them so you stay needy of him. You can not just stop taking the meds, and certainly not after such a short amount of time.

    You doctor seems to have rather large problems of his own, and you absolutely can no longer trust him to have your best intentions at heart. Get out of this situation now, as soon as you can. Tell your psychiatrist that the effexor (I think that was what you said had helped a bit) seemed to be helping but that you can absolutely no longer see your GP ever again, and let her take over the care of your meds and cut ties with GP ASAP.

    I can not believe that some of the people we trust to look after the vulnerable and sick people in our community can do this, it makes my blood boil. I just hope you can see how very very wrong this situation is and can build enough support quickly to cut ties with him as soon as possible. Good luck OP

    ETA: reply to OP's question. Ok, apart from in the long term you healing from your current anxiety and depression related issues, if you see this as an emotional affair that you consciously bought in to (as opposed to your mental illnesses allowing your judgement to be clouded and for you to get into this situation), then later on you are going to have to come to terms with your feelings of guilt around the 'affair' you feel you had as well. And that is just completely not fair on you. No one blames a child for being sexually abused, yet many victims continue to struggle with their own feelings of guilt even though everyone would correctly reassure them in a heartbeat it was NOT THEIR FAULT. So if you start out already assuming you were guilty (rather than just taken advantage of) then I can only imagine how much tougher it would make your recovery process.

    Thank you for all of your helpful guidance tonight, it is really appreciated.
    I just feel like he has had my best interests at heart, & even more so since he developed feelings for me.. But you are all helping me to see my skewed perception, & in the back of my mind, I had been weary all along, but he just kept reassuring me & I think that is just what I needed. My AMAZING psychologist keeps in close communication with him, telling him ways to help me, not providing reassurance as this is detremental to my recovery (i.e. learning to sit with the anxiety/uncertainly rather than seeking reassurance.. ) yet, even after he reads her reports each week on my ocd, anxiety, depressing and the consistent severity, he continues to play into it, telling me "I'm here, be assured." .. "Rest assured". Maybe that's why it felt nice, he was giving me safety, reassurance, hope. But maybe it really is for his own good?

    & on the emotional affair thing. This has really really hit me tonight. God am I capable of that? I love my husband. I would not do that. I am not unfaithful. This is killing me tonight!!!!!! I hope that I have not done anything so cruel oh the guilt sets in..

  13. #79
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    This is exactly what I was afraid of OP.

    You said your husband knew of the texts etc, and you've been pretty honest in what you feel while you've been explaining stuff to us and you certainly did not begin this thread by saying "I think i'm emotionally cheating on my husband", so if you honestly didn't think you were at the start of the night, then I think that's your answer to your own question. There are enough things that you already feel guilt about, don't add this one if you don't think it warranted.

    At its very worst, mental illnesses can convince people of all sorts of non-truths such as that they are better off not alive. If that's not clouded judgement then I don't know what is, but when someone is unwell, they can easily enough start to believe the lies/misperceptions their illnesses feed them. So if mental illness let you believe that this GP was doing the right thing by you even though to an average person off the street it seems at least a little fishy, then heavens, I think you could be forgiven in making the wrong judgement. He abused his position. You went in assuming that GPs are there to help and can be trusted, and you went in unwell and needing help. He did nothing to advertise that he was not trustworthy, in fact he fed you stories to believe that he was exactly what you needed and could be trusted.

    I think you were preyed upon and are a victim in all this. There is no shame in this as you are vulnerable at the moment. Do not go adding another issue around guilt from a perceived emotional affair to your situation if its not a real issue.

    I hope that you can get through this and get help.

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  15. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    He would be thoroughly investigated, more than likely suspended and if he is discovered to have done this to others, lose his license.

    And this is NOT YOUR FAULT. EVER. AT ALL. There are rules and guidelines in place for medical practicioners because they are in a place of trust above most professions.

    Other women would be saved from this happening to them. Some may not be as strong as you are.

    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub
    see, this makes me feel terrible. What if he was suspended?! He could make my life hell if he turned this back on me. He is powerful. I am not. He is strong, right now, I am not. If I destroyed his career, I'm certain he would destroy my life
    Why the hell do I still feel like I need him!! You ladies tonight though have made me look at this differently, and I hope you realised how much pain this could potentially save me from inflicting on myself..


 

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