when you say, "if looking at it though it is an emotion affair is a kick in the pants you need, then do it but realise it might make it harder in the long wrong?". What do you mean there, do you mean if I believe that, it will make recovery harder? Sorry, I'm so confused.
I do realise my flaws in all of this. I just wanted help, I wanted him to care about me because I felt like he could save me, of all people, my doctor wanted to being me out of the blackness & knowing he cared made me believe he could. I feel silly because everything I'm writing sounds so silly.
thankyou thankyou thankyou for your reply, I'm so glad you wrote all of that.