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  1. #41
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    I am so sorry you are going through depression and anxiety. This doctor is crossing so many boundaries its not funny. He has a code of ethic to follow and that definitely doesn't include trying to kiss patients. As soon as he realised you were in any way dependant on him he should have referred you on to another doctor. I do have to agree with Vicpark regarding an emotional affair. That's exactly what is sounds like to me. Id suggest cutting all ties with this doctor and finding another you can trust. Then reporting this doctor for his behaviours.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Hi Kirst,
    thanks for your reply. I know there are hundreds of anti depressants.. I have tried all of the SSRIs, an SNRI, older tryclics, antipsychotics, anxiolytics .... God, I have tried so hard.

    I also know being this dependent is not healthy, I realise this and I have told him he has led me to be dependant. At the start, I was still quite ill. I mentioned I was too dependant, his reply "depend away. I am a doctor, I will help you, always." So I did. I have. I'm in so deep. I know you are right, all of you.. & I am going to try & do what I need to do.. I'm so bloody irrational at the moment.
    Honestly, the best place for you, and I say this with no malice, is the physiatric Ward where people are equipped to deal with mental health. I'm sorry but a regular GP is NOT. The doctors at the hospital can help you wean off of him and learn to be dependant on yourself and appropriate people. If your doctor, in a professional and alleged friend capacity has not recommended this while knowing your dependance on him then he is not your friend and a bloody horrid doctor. Please don't believe him when he says you're the first, its a manipulation technique. Its designed to make you feel special and cared for. Get professional help from people who know what theyre doing and won't knowingly and willingly make your mental health worse.

    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub

  3. #43
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    OP, yes, the situation is that wrong. Your instincts are already telling you this and it is plain as day coming through in what you write.

    What he is doing is entirely innappropriate. In my mind he is preying upon you because you present as an easy target to him, you are vulnerable and trust him to help you, which immediately gives him the "in" he feels he needs. It is also immediately obvious from what you have written that you are unwell, that you are struggling with issues and feeling that make you vulnerable, but perhaps you should consider the response of the posters here, and the other professionals you have sought previously as a good sign of what is right and normal behaviour. I personally dont feel that you are in a position to be held particularly accountable for emotional affairs etc, as you are mentally unwell and your judgement can be affected by this.

    I dont know if this will help spurn you in to action, I certainly dont want to alarm you but I really think you need to think clearly now - other posters have made really good suggestions about how to get help from external sources and I think you need to follow them up ASAP. But consider this. If he gets some idea that he's not getting where he wants to with you (eg kissing, intimacy, development of a further emotional relationship) he may clam up quickly, knowing that he has become very vulnerable too as you are not behaving how he had hoped and expected - he may fear that he misjudged you and he will realise he is deep in the poo if you reported him. He may withdraw his support suddenly and you'll lose that support you currently are relying on. So for self preservation alone, I think you REALLY REALLY need to step away and start getting help from elsewhere ASAP. Its never ever healthy to rely so much on one person so completely for your happiness, he is NOT helping you to get better.

    Consider reporting him only later when you are feeling stronger (or now if you feel you need the separation to be enforced somehow), because chances are he may cause the same confusion and unhealthy situation for another young, vulnerable woman in the future.

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  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Hi.. Can you tell me what you mean here? I genuinely want your opinion, I really do. I'm not a stupid person (normally!!) & I appreciate you even giving me the time to give me your opinion...
    I think that what Vicpark means is that you are perhaps not seeing how wrong this situation is, that there is perhaps a bigger power imbalance (for want of a better term) in this situation then you are seeing. Perhaps because this friendship/support/relationship is giving you a feeling of being better that you may have blinders on to how unhealthy it really is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Hi.. Can you tell me what you mean here? I genuinely want your opinion, I really do. I'm not a stupid person (normally!!) & I appreciate you even giving me the time to give me your opinion...
    It seems like you are a lovely person in a really difficult situation. But you appear to be totally oblivious to the responsibility you hold in this inappropriate relationship. To me, it is so obviously inappropriate that for someone to not see that... Suggests to me they need a professional helping hand (and there's no shame in that).

    Sure you haven't slept with the doctor and you didn't let him kiss you. But you continue to meet with him after he has been inappropriate with you. That is leading him on. Enabling him to be emotionally unfaithful to his wife. Spending such a significant amount of time and emotional effort in engaging with the doctor... That is time you could be spend repairing your relationship with your hubby. It's not fair on your hubby. You are essentially putting yourself in the situation where you are the mistress in an emotional affair.

    I am not saying this to be nasty. I hope that by acknowledging your responsibility in this situation... You can unlock the power within and use it to remove yourself from the situation.

    You deserve to be happy and that will
    Not happen (for the long term) while you have contact with the doctor.

    Good luck I genuinely hope you can get better and be happy.
    Last edited by VicPark; 13-04-2013 at 21:59.

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    I agree it's an emotional affair. I think my DH would hit the roof if this was going on with me. You're emotionally dependent on him when you shouldn't be and that is really inappropriate for both your relationships. Does his wife know? What would she think? If the answer is that she would be hurt, or that your husband would be hurt if he knew the full extent of this relationship, then it is an inappropriate relationship for you to be in.

    I'm curious as to how long you've tried each anti-d and dosage. Of course I have had some not work but my GP rarely switched me onto new ones. I usually tried one at various doses for quite long periods of time. Are you on any right now?

    I actually think he's done more harm than good. This relationship I feel has probably increased your anxiety, whether you think talking to him helps or not. It's quite shocking that he wanted you to be dependent, how would that have helped you learn to not be anxious, if the thought of not talking to him makes you more anxious? I think you should give the Alfred a call, and be honest about all of this so that they can shed some professional light on it, you don't have to give his name if you don't want to 'turn' him in.

  9. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It seems like you are a lovely person in a really difficult situation. But you appear to be totally oblivious to the responsibility you hold in this inappropriate relationship. To me, it is so obviously inappropriate that for someone to not see that... Suggests to me they need a professional helping hand (and there's no shame in that).

    Sure you haven't slept with the doctor and you didn't let him kiss you. But you continue to meet with him after he has been inappropriate with you. That is leading him on. Enabling him to be emotionally unfaithful to his wife. Spending such a significant amount of time and emotional effort in engaging with the doctor... That is time you could be spend repairing your relationship with your hubby. It's not fair on your hubby. You are essentially putting yourself in the situation where you are the mistress in an emotional affair.

    I am not saying this to be nasty. I hope that by acknowledging your responsibility in this situation... You can unlock the power within and use it to remove yourself from the situation.

    You deserve to be happy and that will
    Not happen (for the long term) while you have contact with the doctor.

    Good luck I genuinely hope you can get better and be happy.
    thank you for the clarifications. I never saw myself as that person... I hope I have not been. I haven't seen him since he tried to kiss me, that was yesterday (& the first and only time I've seen him away from his clinic as he was not working & I was having a particularly bad day....). So no, I have not seen him since he did this, & it is why I am now so confused. I knew he cared & all along he was happy we had formed a friendship, but when I saw him yesterday I didn't expect that. I do not see how I encouraged this?

    Thank you again & none of that is said in a rude or arguing way (it can be so hard to expres feelings in writing!!) I really am just after opinions & it's great you are doing that..

  10. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It seems like you are a lovely person in a really difficult situation. But you appear to be totally oblivious to the responsibility you hold in this inappropriate relationship.

    Sure you haven't slept with the doctor and you didn't let him kiss you. But you continue to meet with him after he has been inappropriate with you. That is leading him on. Enabling him to be emotionally unfaithful to his wife. Spending such a significant amount of time and emotional effort in engaging with the doctor... That is time you could be spend repairing your relationship with your hubby. It's not fair on your hubby. You are essentially putting yourself in the situation where you are the mistress in an emotional affair.

    I am not saying this to be nasty. I hope that by acknowledging your responsibility in this situation... You can unlock the power within and use it to remove yourself from the situation.

    You deserve to be happy and that will
    Not happen (for the long term) while you have contact with the doctor.

    Good luck I genuinely hope you can get better and be happy.
    Whilst I agree with the general premise that you deserve to be happy I strongly disagree that you are 'leading on' or 'enabling' him to be emotionally unfaithful to his wife. Please do not take this on as your fault, this man is in a position of power and you are vulnerable, please talk to a mental health professional.

    Vic Park you need to be very careful with what you are saying, suggesting the op is responsible or enabling the behavior of a person who has a power imbalance over her is treading a very fine line.

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  12. #49
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    Also, I am guessing that he would not have documented the full extent of the *support* that he is offering to you, which would tell me that he would know how inappropriate he is being, and perhaps it is no accident that it is you that he is paying so much attention to. So young. So in need of help.

    Would you consider requesting your records from the medical centre? just to satisfy yourself that if this support is not being recorded, he may have reasons for doing so.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    thank you for the clarifications. I never saw myself as that person... I hope I have not been. I haven't seen him since he tried to kiss me, that was yesterday (& the first and only time I've seen him away from his clinic as he was not working & I was having a particularly bad day....). So no, I have not seen him since he did this, & it is why I am now so confused. I knew he cared & all along he was happy we had formed a friendship, but when I saw him yesterday I didn't expect that. I do not see how I encouraged this?

    Thank you again & none of that is said in a rude or arguing way (it can be so hard to expres feelings in writing!!) I really am just after opinions & it's great you are doing that..
    Totally know you're not being rude or argumentative

    Infact, I'm surprised at how willing you are to hear different views. It's not normal for Bub Hub. To me that says you're a pretty strong person and have the balls to get through this.


 

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