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  1. #361
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    I'm so proud of you! You've turned a corner today and have done amazingly well. Well done x

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    Undercover001  (26-05-2013)

  3. #362
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    Wow. What a huge day, and so many milestones! I don't know if you realise how much strength you have showed today. I think it will get easier, but it may get a little harder at first. You will most likely go through some sort of grieving process, and with grief can come a fear that things won't or can't get better. Also, and this is definitely not a criticism of you, when you are keeping secrets from your loved ones it can have an affect on your mental wellbeing. Meds can take a while to work, or they simply may not be the right meds.

    What you have done today, and what I think you will come to realise, is you have set yourself free. You also may have saved another young woman from this predator. And even if nothing major comes of the report, the fact is that you stood up to someone in a position of authority and power over you: what a role model you are to your daughter!

    Have you tried journaling? I find it helps some days (I have PND and other stuff going on) to just dump all my worries and fears on paper and tear it up.

    Keep coming here if you need, I think we have all come to care for you very much. And lean on your best friend as much as you need. That's what best friends are for...

    Thank you, I think you are so right. Keeping secrets from loved ones is so hard & for what? I keep thinking "I KNEW something was wrong, that's why I went to my step mum all those weeks ago! I needed it ended for me because I couldn't do it.." It is crappy that although he has been instructed NO FURTHER CONTACT he still doesn't listen. So now it really is up to me & I have to be stronger.. & you know the funny thing? He agreed, "yes this isn't good for you...." Ummm how long did I tell you this for! Argh. I hung up feeling angry like "omg.. he showed no emotion, no trying to show me he cared, no anything.. just yeah youre righr & goodbye after I said goodbye. I stewed on that all day! here is a text I had written (never sent!)

    So after that conversation I feel I need to say a few last things...


    "I am not trying to be horrible or hurt you in any way, but I need to get this out. The past six weeks, since things went badly with AHPRA, my emotional state has been worse than any time I have ever experienced (no exaggeration). I have so much family that love & support me, yet I kept coming to you to "fix" me... & you were so kind at times & so horribly cruel at others. You once told me that you had never seen another anxiety patient as severe as me, shouldn't that have been enough for you to know how vulnerable I was? Everything I believed you to be was fed to me by you & I hate that I was unwell enough to let you. I hate that you have affected my marriage & family & I hate that you were my doctor & you know what I was going through & I confided in you about everything.. & you took that for your own gratification. I was crashing... I reached out to you & you let me fall to pieces. I understand that it put pressure on you in your job but YOU are the doctor.. My doctor.. & you did this to me & then failed to acknowledge the severe implications that you had on my mental well being. I don't want you to reply. I don't want you to tell me you "care" or that "it is hard for you too". You've told me these things so many times, that it no longer holds any truth.... So, please delete my number, I deserve better than what you have caused me & you certainly do not deserve to have me in your life.


    I don't hate you. I feel sorry for you & I hope you figure out your problems because you CAN NOT do this again. It is unfair and cruel. Please take responsibility.


    So, for the last time, goodnight Mr........... & good luck."


    Ohhhh wish I was in a better frame of mind to deal with this properly but I am doing the best I can & you I can't even tell you ladies how much help you have provided!! So so much!

    I do expect I will grieve - & I will see my psychiatrist this week and get her to review my meds..

    I have not tried journaling, I may do that. Yesterday I posted a Facebook status re mental illness & shared it on my page (very scary as I used to be so strong and no one really knows about my struggles!!) & the response has been overwhelming. I have now started up a page dedicated to it & it has taken off & it has been a good distraction... Hopefully I can built it up & make something good come of it for others who are struggling too!

    sometimes reading your replies I want to cry (happy tears!) thank you for making me smile & genuinely caring about my situation.. It means the world and I am so so glad I opened this thread 6 weeks ago! Thank you for all following along xoxo
    Last edited by Undercover001; 26-05-2013 at 20:51.

  4. #363
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Thank you, I think you are so right. Keeping secrets from loved ones is so hard & for what? I keep thinking "I KNEW something was wrong, that's why I went to my step mum all those weeks ago! I needed it ended for me because I couldn't do it.." It is crappy that although he has been instructed NO FURTHER CONTACT he still doesn't listen. So now it really is up to me & I have to be stronger.. & you know the funny thing? He agreed, "yes this isn't good for you...." Ummm how long did I tell you this for! Argh. I hung up feeling angry like "omg.. he showed no emotion, no trying to show me he cared, no anything.. just yeah youre righr & goodbye after I said goodbye. I stewed on that all day! here is a text I had written (never sent!)

    So after that conversation I feel I need to say a few last things...


    "I am not trying to be horrible or hurt you in any way, but I need to get this out. The past six weeks, since things went badly with AHPRA, my emotional state has been worse than any time I have ever experienced (no exaggeration). I have so much family that love & support me, yet I kept coming to you to "fix" me... & you were so kind at times & so horribly cruel at others. You once told me that you had never seen another anxiety patient as severe as me, shouldn't that have been enough for you to know how vulnerable I was? Everything I believed you to be was fed to me by you & I hate that I was unwell enough to let you. I hate that you have affected my marriage & family & I hate that you were my doctor & you know what I was going through & I confided in you about everything.. & you took that for your own gratification. I was crashing... I reached out to you & you let me fall to pieces. I understand that it put pressure on you in your job but YOU are the doctor.. My doctor.. & you did this to me & then failed to acknowledge the severe implications that you had on my mental well being. I don't want you to reply. I don't want you to tell me you "care" or that "it is hard for you too". You've told me these things so many times, that it no longer holds any truth.... So, please delete my number, I deserve better than what you have caused me & you certainly do not deserve to have me in your life.


    I don't hate you. I feel sorry for you & I hope you figure out your problems because you CAN NOT do this again. It is unfair and cruel. Please take responsibility.


    So, for the last time, goodnight Mr ******* & good luck."


    Ohhhh wish I was in a better frame of mind to deal with this properly but I am doing the best I can & you I can't even tell you ladies how much help you have provided!! So so much!

    I do expect I will grieve - & I will see my psychiatrist this week and get her to review my meds..

    I have not tried journaling, I may do that. Yesterday I posted a Facebook status re mental illness & shared it on my page (very scary as I used to be so strong and no one really knows about my struggles!!) & the response has been overwhelming. I have now started up a page dedicated to it & it has taken off & it has been a good distraction... Hopefully I can built it up & make something good come of it for others who are struggling too!

    sometimes reading your replies I want to cry (happy tears!) thank you for making me smile & genuinely caring about my situation.. It means the world and I am so so glad I opened this thread 6 weeks ago! Thank you for all following along xoxo
    You sound like you have taken huge strides. Can I suggest you take his name out of the post above because he could google and find you and use this thread against you (not sure how) but yeah, I just don't want anything to compromise your privacy or your progress.

  5. #364
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    I just had to pop in and say WOW! What a huge leap you have made, using your support system to do what you have to do to excise this tumour from your life.

    When I read your post about having OCD my heart fell (I can't believe he knew this and didn't help you get more assistance when it was obvious texting him was playing into the OCD, that he says you are more anxious than any other patient, and grrr, I could go on and on getting angrier about his treatment of you). How hard it must be to resist texting him and YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT!
    I am so proud of you and happy for you.
    Your whole perspective seemd to be turning around - you do sound lkke an addict who suddenly realises how bad and unhealthy the addiction is. You are taking control of your destiny.
    I hope you can present something similar to your above unsent text to APHRA as a vitim impact style statement. I hope he gets whatever book thrown at him.
    Keep up the good work. I hope you can see what huge strides you are making, and celebrate them. The roller-coaster ride may continue, but it's so much less daunting when you are at least driving it some of the time. You did it! Woohoo!

  6. #365
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    Well done!

  7. #366
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    Good on you! Big steps

  8. #367
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    You're doing so well! I know it doesn't feel like you're getting better, but you're making huge steps.

    Wrote down everything you feel but don't send them to him. Honestly he doesn't care how you feel or how he's affected you or he wouldn't have put you in this situation to begin with.

    Am I the only one who doubts this is the first time he's tried this cr@p?

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    Lauzy83  (27-05-2013)

  10. #368
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    Sent from my PP4MT-7 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    You have done something amazing over the past couple of days. I don't know you yet I am so proud of you x

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    I forgot to say you are finding your inner balls!


 

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