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  1. #1
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    Default My doctor has feelings for me....

    I am here undercover tonight... I am really in need of some advice. Just a bit of background, I have had severe OCD, anxiety & depression for the past 8 months (the life consuming, soul destroying, can't face living each day type..)


    My GP, who met me at my very, very worst after a bad reaction to my first medication, Zoloft.. Has been an amazing support, my calm within this storm of my life. I have been through many many failed med trials, & he has been there every step of the way. Offered advice via text at my worse, & saw me as much as I needed.


    Fast forward to March this year... I text him in error & quickly apolagied. Somehow we started talking about life & not so much my anxiety & the texts went on all weekend. On the Monday I saw him & he told me had feelings for me... As the days/weeks went on, the texts continued, the appointments continued frequently & the conversations for stranger. It seems silly but I was glad he was feeling this way; I felt supported.. In a way that no other family member or friend could provide.. I was supported, I was cared deeply for, by a highly respected, highly regarded doctor. That feeling was so calming.. A calm I had not felt for almost a year. I started to find myself depending on him, relying on his messages to being me calm (reassurance/compulsive behaviour, I know).. But it had been so long that even any compulsion or reassurance seeking could even help at all, so I was reluctant to give it up. As time has gone on, the friendship has grown, we have caught up outside of the clinic & he still see's me as his patient. He has told me a lot about his life, struggles within his marriage & a whole lot more I never knew. I feel sad for him & I also feel I owe him my help.. He has told me he has never ever broken this boundary with a patient .. That I am different, that he has never my anyone like me, that he is falling in love with me..
    There is so much more but I'm sure that communicates quite a lot of my current situation..
    I am feeling a little vulnerable.. I little scared of how much I feel I need him now, & have so many mixed feelings about the relationship. I feel that the fact he is my doctor, he can save me, is drawing me in to a very very complicated situation.. I don't want to let the communication go (he texts about 50 times per day..) because, even before all of this, he was my strength, my rock. Now, he has become an even bigger strength, a calmness for me I so badly needed... I'm scared to let the friendship go, the texts go, because I don't want this to get back to where it was before.. But, in the process, my marriage is becoming very strained, I am frustrated & confused and I truly don't know how this evolved.
    How can my doctor feel this way? I don't understand how this became so complicated with my health care provider. Also, I am 25 & he is 47. I'm so torn & would love an outsiders perspective, I clearly cannot talk to anyone about this.


    Please don't quote, I will delete this all later.


    I'm so glad to get this off my chest!!!!


    Thank you for reading..

  2. #2
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    I'm not sure who you should contact but that is so freaking unprofessional. It needs to be reported.

    Hopefully someone else can suggest who you can report to...

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  4. #3
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    Honestly? He's taking advantage of you & his position as your care provider. He had absolutely no right to cross that boundary with you, particularly when you are clearly vulnerable. Every man who attempts to have an affair seems to have a terrible wife/marriage/life, is this a coincidence or a convenient excuse for someone seeking satisfaction outside of their marriage? I believe if he cared for you as much as he claims to he would have kept his feelings to himself and maintained a safe, professional distance so as not to complicate your situation further & offer you appropriate support as your dr.

    This isn't romantic or probably what you hoped to hear, but I think you deserve better.

    Wishing you much luck, I hope that you are ok.

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  6. #4
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    Wow, I can't believe he has done that and while you are sick and in need of his help. I really don't have advice because I find it shocking to be honest. It must be more confusing and stressful for you with the both of you being married.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathermy View Post
    Honestly? He's taking advantage of you & his position as your care provider. He had absolutely no right to cross that boundary with you, particularly when you are clearly vulnerable. Every man who attempts to have an affair seems to have a terrible wife/marriage/life, is this a coincidence or a convenient excuse for someone seeking satisfaction outside of their marriage? I believe if he cared for you as much as he claims to he would have kept his feelings to himself and maintained a safe, professional distance so as not to complicate your situation further & offer you appropriate support as your dr.

    This isn't romantic or probably what you hoped to hear, but I think you deserve better.

    Wishing you much luck, I hope that you are ok.
    I have to completely agree with this. Sorry if isn't what you wanted to hear

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    Thank you all so much for your reply, it is so nice to be able to talk to someone about this, & thank you for not judging me. I feel so terrible that I have managed to somehow draw my doctor to me, I was just so grateful for his support. He tells me things that are so comforting & brings me such calm.. But I wonder what will happen when he takes it all away. This has been going on for 7 entire weeks, about 50 messages every single day, morning to evening. My depression, has gotten a little better, but I feel that is only so because he is right there every minute of the day. He almost kissed me yesterday, I pulled away. He held my hand, kissed my cheek. I don't want to disappoint him, I feel without him, I will not survive (how weak does that sound? I was so debilitated by my depression & anxiety before this. I used to be so strong...)
    I don't know what the hell to do, but I am so grateful I have got this secret off my chest!!! Thank you so much all of you!

  11. #7
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    & there is no need to apolagise for giving your views, I have come here for just thank, so thank you

  12. #8
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    50 text messages a day isn't normal behaviour in my opinion. You need to find another gp ASAP, and consider reporting him.

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  14. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Undercover001 View Post
    Thank you all so much for your reply, it is so nice to be able to talk to someone about this, & thank you for not judging me. I feel so terrible that I have managed to somehow draw my doctor to me, I was just so grateful for his support. He tells me things that are so comforting & brings me such calm.. But I wonder what will happen when he takes it all away. This has been going on for 7 entire weeks, about 50 messages every single day, morning to evening. My depression, has gotten a little better, but I feel that is only so because he is right there every minute of the day. He almost kissed me yesterday, I pulled away. He held my hand, kissed my cheek. I don't want to disappoint him, I feel without him, I will not survive (how weak does that sound? I was so debilitated by my depression & anxiety before this. I used to be so strong...)
    I don't know what the hell to do, but I am so grateful I have got this secret off my chest!!! Thank you so much all of you!
    I couldn't judge you for a second! It's your gratitude & reliance on him that makes the dynamic completely inappropriate for any kind of healthy relationship. He is in a position of power and he abused it. I really think you need to seek out someone else to take over your care, this man has a clear conflict of interest and should not be in charge of your treatment, particularly medication.

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  16. #10
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    This is so inappropriate and unprofessional, his behaviour is predatory imo. No judging here except on the professional that is meant to be caring for you when you are at your most vulnerable. You need to get another dr and I would also speak to someone you trust irl about this.

    Why did you have his mobile number to txt at all?


 

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