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  1. #71
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    I've never understood girls who consider "trapping." If somebody loves you, they'll stay with you. A man will move heaven and earth to be with you if he really wants to. Tricking him into having a baby will just cause hatred. And what makes people think that their partner will stay with them if they fall pregnant? They could still leave and you'll be left to raise a child on your own.
    I had a friend who was having unprotected sex with this douche bag & I know a part of her believed that he'd stay with her if she fell pregnant. He'd always say things like "if you fall pregnant, we're moving in together and raising this baby together." They would have had a miserable life together. They fought like cat and dog, and he treated her like dirt.
    It's such a huge risk to take and it's really not worth it. Especially if the other person does not want a child or another baby.

  2. #72
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    And if it's a couple who is already married but one wants another child while the other doesn't... It shouldn't be done.. I think a deep and long discussion is needed. I've seen marriages fail because one did not want a child and the other tricked them into having one. It's breaking the trust.

  3. #73
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    Not something I would do. DH waited a few years for me to be ready to start TTC, and I waited for him to be ready to start TTC#2. #3 we were both ready at the same time amazingly.

    Ive told him that physically, emotionally and mentally I cant see myself having a #4. He has accepted that for now but in the future if he wants to discuss it we will.

    My SIL went off birth control without telling my brother and she fell pregnant straight away. He knows that she did it and he wasnt happy at first - it affected them. Their child is now 7 and it took him 5 years to agree to a #2 because of the issues surrounding #1. I couldnt ever imagine doing that to my DH.

  4. #74
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    I've known two people to do this. My brother's partner fell pregnant "accidentally" while swearing black and blue that she was on the pill. 18 months later it happened again. I KNOW she did it on purpose because she later admitted she did. This is the same chick who wanted to know how much child support my brother would pay for her eldest daughter (who had a different father). Fruitcake is too nice a word to describe this woman!!!!

    The second woman is a good friend of mine who desperately wanted a third and actually poked holes in the condom that they were using. Luckily she had a major attack of the guilts and only did that once. Thankfully she didn't need me to tell her how stupid that was

    I take a very dim view of women who do this, probably because of my brother's experience.

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by dancingchipmunk View Post
    Really? I don't mean to come across as mean in anyway so please don't think that, but do you think you would feel ok with it if the other person wasn't ready/did not want children?
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantingtostart View Post
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?
    If I was in that position I would leave as it's not the person I married.

  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantingtostart View Post
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?
    And what if you had the change of heart, and your DH started poking holes in condoms or tampering with your pill to trick you into falling pregnant even though you'd changed your mind? You'd be ok with that?

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantingtostart View Post
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?
    Why wouldn't you? Ummmm let's see..... Maybe because you don't have the right to trick someone into having a baby!! In the case you describe then it would be time to end the marriage and move on, not just go ahead and fall pregnant anyway!

    I find the whole thing appalling. Seriously. How could anyone sleep at night knowing they are being so deceitful!

    I agree that we should all be responsible for our own contraception if we want to avoid pregnancy, but with a relationship there is a trust is the other persons word.

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantingtostart View Post
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?
    Lots of reasons.

    Because it's dishonest.

    Because it's a betrayal of his trust.

    Because you're forcing him into a financial and emotional arrangement that he doesn't want.

    Because (in doing that) you have decided that your needs are more important than his.

    Because you would be bringing children in to the world who weren't wanted, and who will have to live with the ramifications of that.

    Because you would effectively be saying that your desire to have more children is greater than your love for your husband, and your consideration for those children (those that you do have, and those that you would be planning to trick him in to).

    Does that also mean that if your husband were infertile then you would leave him, or would have an affair?

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  11. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantingtostart View Post
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?
    I would find a new husband to be honest, one who wanted kids straight away.* My DH knows this as well and I told him early on that I wanted four kids and if i wanted more kids than my partner wanted i could not live with that 'emptiness' of having an unfinished family.

    * my mum kind of did this but she didnt leave her first husband. He left her. After thirteen months of loneliness (apart from the company of two 4 and 6 year old boys) she met my Dad and concieved my third brother within two months - completely planned. Two years later Dad adopted my oldest two brothers (their bio father didnt want to see or pay cs anymore), they got married and had me. 28 years after meeting they are still together. So the prospect of finding another partner doesnt faze me too much...(btw, i absolutely love my dh and dont want to ever get divorced).


 

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