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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    It is a cruel irony that the sex that generally has the stronger desire to procreate is the one that has significantly less opportunity to do so.
    What's that?

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlsRock View Post
    Hmmmm, at the risk of being completely flamed here, I thought I would tell my story.

    DH and I have 2 children conceived via IVF. After #2 was born I was desperate for a 3rd child but DH was dead set against it. When #2 was 12 months old I had come to terms with the fact that we wouldnt be having another child and actually felt happy with 2 children, the desire for a 3rd child just went away.

    One day, completely to our shock I discovered I was pregnant (no trapping, completely accidental, after years of never falling pregnant naturally, just didnt think it could happen). After a few weeks of freaking out we both grew excited about having another baby. Unfortunately however I miscarried at about 9 weeks.

    I was completely and utterly devastated and suddenly my desire for a 3rd child was back in full force. My DH however was still happy with 2 and didnt want to try for a 3rd. I will be totally honest here when I say that for a few months after the miscarriage I totally knew when I would be fertile and made sure we had sex in the hope of falling pregnant again. I justified it in my mind that DH was willing to accept a 3rd child when it was accidental, so again he would be accepting.

    Thankfully I never fell pregnant through that period and while my desire for a 3rd child still rears its ugly head occasionally, I now completely have my wits about me and realise its not fair to DH to trick him into a 3rd child when he is completely happy with the 2 we have.

    But yeah, I can understand how sometimes you get into the headspace that if it happens your partner will accept it. I know its not right, but I do understand how someone manages to justify that its okay.

    Also, for the record, I'm not horrible or untrustworthy or most of the other things that have been mentioned. My desire for another baby completely over ruled any other thoughts I might have had about whether what I was doing was wrong or not.
    Thank you for being brave!

    I didnt expect this thread to be so one-sided. I know my topic heading "trapping" has only negative connotations, but i was at a loss as to what else to call it. It cant truly be called trapping when you're already committed to each other. So for that i'm sorry!

    I do want to try to see her side of it. I just cant see past the deception - no matter what the reason behind it. But your description of being overtaken by your desire for a baby does ring true. She has always been a really good friend and this seemed so out-of-character for her that i didnt understand what was going on.

  3. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to steel magnolia For This Useful Post:

    GirlsRock  (06-04-2013),αληθη  (06-04-2013),Sarelou  (07-04-2013)

  4. #33
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    I have a friend who "accidentally" fell pregnant as soon as she got married, but I know it wasn't accidental. Her husband was quite young and not ready to be a dad and they split up when the baby was about 6 months old.

    It didn't turn out well for anyone and I don't think it's the moral or responsible thing to do.

  5. #34
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    I understand the yearning for just one more but falling pregnant without discussing it with your partner...it's just all kinds of wrong.
    Op, maybe mention the 'snip' scenario that a pp raised- if she's ok doing this without her partners knowledge then in turn if he had the snip she should just accept it.

  6. #35
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    The way I see it...would you steal from your best friend/family if you desperatley needed the money? IMO It's plain and simple....just wrong/betrayal

  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlsRock View Post
    Hmmmm, at the risk of being completely flamed here, I thought I would tell my story.

    DH and I have 2 children conceived via IVF. After #2 was born I was desperate for a 3rd child but DH was dead set against it. When #2 was 12 months old I had come to terms with the fact that we wouldnt be having another child and actually felt happy with 2 children, the desire for a 3rd child just went away.

    One day, completely to our shock I discovered I was pregnant (no trapping, completely accidental, after years of never falling pregnant naturally, just didnt think it could happen). After a few weeks of freaking out we both grew excited about having another baby. Unfortunately however I miscarried at about 9 weeks.

    I was completely and utterly devastated and suddenly my desire for a 3rd child was back in full force. My DH however was still happy with 2 and didnt want to try for a 3rd. I will be totally honest here when I say that for a few months after the miscarriage I totally knew when I would be fertile and made sure we had sex in the hope of falling pregnant again. I justified it in my mind that DH was willing to accept a 3rd child when it was accidental, so again he would be accepting.

    Thankfully I never fell pregnant through that period and while my desire for a 3rd child still rears its ugly head occasionally, I now completely have my wits about me and realise its not fair to DH to trick him into a 3rd child when he is completely happy with the 2 we have.

    But yeah, I can understand how sometimes you get into the headspace that if it happens your partner will accept it. I know its not right, but I do understand how someone manages to justify that its okay.

    Also, for the record, I'm not horrible or untrustworthy or most of the other things that have been mentioned. My desire for another baby completely over ruled any other thoughts I might have had about whether what I was doing was wrong or not.
    I don't see this as "trapping". Your husband has sex with you willing, without contraception, knowing this had resulted in a previous pregnancy. It doesn't sound like you lied at all.

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  9. #37
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    This is my biggest fear about getting judged on this as it has happened to us twice. We had an accident last year i was on the pill and we both made the decision together that we would terminate a month later I got the mirena implanted and just over a week ago found out i was 15 and a half weeks pregnant again with the mirena still implanted. We were both more then content with our 3 children and I am worried people will look at me and think I deliberately did it to the point where I was ashamed to go back to my doctor and tell him I was yet again pregnant.

  10. #38
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    Its extremely wrong. A ex friend of mine who already had
    achild wanted another one did everything to have another lying re thepill and yes even poking holes in his condoms. She got her wish two fold as she got preg with twins but now shes a single mum of 3 at 22. I lost all respect for her and is why were no longer friends
    Last edited by MonsterMoosMum; 06-04-2013 at 17:04.

  11. #39
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    Trapping seems the wrong word in this scenario...they are already together and attached and (from the sounds of things) not looking at breaking up.

    My ex's wife did something similar...i don't know all the details but i do know that pregnancies don't last 11 months and she claimed to be pregnant and they stopped BC...and then 10 months after he told me she was pregnant...she had bub. I know the dates because he told me via email...so, there was def something dodgy....but, they are both dodgy so no great surprise.

    DH and I don't use birth control...we don't count days or anything. We needed IVF to get our bubba...both of us having issues. If we get pregnant, it would not be ideal or planned...but he knows I will never have an abortion. He has sex knowing we are not protected.

    So, if he does not want another...but she does...and he knows they are not using BC...well, that is on him. He has to know there would be a chance.

    If he thinks she has some form of BC...then that is a problem. My main issue would be the lie...even if it is a lie of omission (as in she just fails to tell him she has stopped taking the pill).

    If he really did not want another bub...he could chose to use condoms...but if he trusts his wife is on the pill...wellllll, that is complex.

    I could never lie to my DH....and he knows I went through a crazy clucky stage about 6 months ago but not clucky enough to make an IVF appointment lol

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  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by our3boys View Post
    This is my biggest fear about getting judged on this as it has happened to us twice. We had an accident last year i was on the pill and we both made the decision together that we would terminate a month later I got the mirena implanted and just over a week ago found out i was 15 and a half weeks pregnant again with the mirena still implanted. We were both more then content with our 3 children and I am worried people will look at me and think I deliberately did it to the point where I was ashamed to go back to my doctor and tell him I was yet again pregnant.
    Accidents are different to falling preg on purpose behind his back. We have had 4 accidents each with different results that we have both discussed and agreed on.

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