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  1. #181
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    I agree that tampering with contraceptives is horrible. I think SimplyMum's point was that if you're with somebody who could do something so callous you need to protect yourself. I'm not sure if I was too OTT but when I didn't have 100% commited relationships it was always condoms plus I had an IUD to protect myself.

    I'd have no idea how to prove whether something was tampered with or a genuine accident, I know I barely remember to take my vitamins. I think somebody would be stupid to assume that I'd be able to remember to take a pill at the same time every day.

  2. #182
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I agree that tampering with contraceptives is horrible. I think SimplyMum's point was that if you're with somebody who could do something so callous you need to protect yourself. I'm not sure if I was too OTT but when I didn't have 100% commited relationships it was always condoms plus I had an IUD to protect myself.

    I'd have no idea how to prove whether something was tampered with or a genuine accident, I know I barely remember to take my vitamins. I think somebody would be stupid to assume that I'd be able to remember to take a pill at the same time every day.
    I think actually genuinely forgetting to take the pill is an accident. Deliberately not taking it, however, is not. This is what i find abhorent. Deliberately doing something to fall pregnant against your partners wishes is, as i said, on the same level as forcing someone to have an abortion or raping someone on my moral compass.

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  4. #183
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I think actually genuinely forgetting to take the pill is an accident. Deliberately not taking it, however, is not. This is what i find abhorent. Deliberately doing something to fall pregnant against your partners wishes is, as i said, on the same level as forcing someone to have an abortion or raping someone on my moral compass.
    Ditto, but I think you have taken SM's comment out of context. I believe her point was if you can't trust your partner you need to be in charge of your own contraception.

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  6. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy wanderer View Post
    I actually met and conversed with a 5 year old who said he would have preferred that he wasn't born to his present parents so that he could, "make a better choice of parents next time.." and went onto explain to me that there's a selection process prior to birth and that death isn't the end...and that existence is everlasting.

    That kinda put a lot of things into perspective for me. LOL

    I don't understand what the big fuss is. Plenty of women attend sperm banks and do the IVF things...which I personally find abhorrent. But this method is accepted so why shouldn't getting pregnant naturally with someone you know be an issue? After all, this society espouses the self in that if you want to do it, just do it and to hell with the consequences.

    I know of two women who have done this and have signed agreements with Child Support to exonerate the male party from all responsibilities. Of the married women I know, the pregnancy has been an assumed consequence of sexual relations. Some marriages have subsequently broken up. Some have stayed together. It all boils down to what you value more.

    If a woman is prepared to do this (and many aren't..which I find equally abhorrent) then why not? But with many children born into this situation, I'm acutely aware of the long term blame that is placed on the shoulders of the child which isn't fair but that's what it is. Again, it's a consequence and if you are prepared for them then okay.

    I normally suggest to people who yearn for another child of their own to seriously reconsider the r'ship they are in or to foster a child.

    But I have a question. Why should the husband be allowed to dictate the landscape of his marriage? As far I knew, marriage included two people (in this country). When you marry, one accepts that such a union includes or excludes children. If children are already in the mix, then why should one partner be allowed to renege? Why is it then implied that the WOMAN is the JEZEBEL or LIAR in this marriage when she is simply fulfilling the contract they initially entered into? Where are the husband's responsibilities here? If he's flatly refusing to have more kids is that not, too, an abrogation of said responsibilities?

    Just askin'....
    Wow, I really don't understand where you're coming from but I will try to answer you.

    I have no idea why using IVF to conceive a wanted pregnancy is abhorrent to you but tricking a sexual partner into impregnating you is fine. Child support aside, how is it ok to take someone's genetic material and make their offspring without their consent, in fact going against their wishes? And what do you mean, you find it equally abhorrent that a woman wouldn't be prepared to do this?

    It's not a matter of the husband dictating the landscape of the marriage. If one of the partners has a change of heart, why should they be forced to have a child? It's like say, buying a house. Say both partners have saved up enough money to pool together and buy a house, and then one has a change of heart, is not ready to buy yet, or isn't sure they want a house. Does the other partner then have the right to take that pool of money and buy a house anyway? Of course not.

    If he OR she decides they no longer wish to make children, they have the right to decide this at any time up until conception at least.

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  8. #185
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    I remember a couple of incidents on fictional TV shows that would definately classify as trapping.

    They both involve using a condom for oral sex, then saving the result and using it for assisted reproduction later. Surely that would definitely be considered trapping.

    The first case was a music star, and the woman stored the product for several years until its value went up then sold it on the internet. This caused all sorts of problems for the man in the story whose wife believed she had been cheated on when he was contacted for child support for a 4yo child (that it was eventually determined was conceived by a sample that had been stored for five years prior).

  9. #186
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    A guy my husband use to work with got "trapped", she got pregnant purposely so he married her "to do the right thing"
    They now have another child together, he loves his kids but doesn't love her, and makes it quite well known he doesn't.
    I couldn't imagine anything worse that being with someone who didn't love me

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  11. #187
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetseven View Post
    I remember a couple of incidents on fictional TV shows that would definately classify as trapping.

    They both involve using a condom for oral sex, then saving the result and using it for assisted reproduction later. Surely that would definitely be considered trapping.

    The first case was a music star, and the woman stored the product for several years until its value went up then sold it on the internet. This caused all sorts of problems for the man in the story whose wife believed she had been cheated on when he was contacted for child support for a 4yo child (that it was eventually determined was conceived by a sample that had been stored for five years prior).
    I agree this is wrong and reprehensible as is deliberate sabotage of BC ie lying about the pill, poking condoms etc

    But accidents do happen and if either party does not want children EVER or no more. Then they need to take action. If I don't want kids in the next few years I get BC and its my responsibility to maintain it as Dh doesnt really mind.

    But Dh doesnt want more than 4 kids and has said that he will get the snip after we are done. I'm happy to have more so BC becomes his prob.

    But if men or women accidently stuff up ie condom breaks or missed pill then both parties need to own up and not blame the other.

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  13. #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlotchedTabby View Post
    My brother has three kids - he was happy with two and his wife wanted four so three was the compromise (plus a puppy ) and they are very happy.

    The resentment can work both ways though - if you 'accidentally' get utd your husband may resent you/child or if you don't have another then you might resent your husband. Both situations will probably end badly as resentment can destroy relationships.

    I'm sure in the same situation i would try to persuade my partner to have another...i honestly don't know how women who say its gut wrenching they cant have another child can live with themselves. I would be miserable and don't think I could more on with my life tbh. Its just something that I value that highly. I certainly wouldn't trick my partner into having another but if he refused and we couldn't come to some agreement it would just naturally destroy the relationship.

    Also, you only live once. If i accepted to have less children than I wanted because dh said so then i would never have an opportunity to have more children ever again. I couldnt live with that.

    Someone who wants to trick their partner into having children needs to sit down and have a pretty deep conversation with dp/dh.
    Thats how I feel, I know I would be devastated if it wasn't something I decided on, I guess after I have 2 I may change my mind and be happy. He hasn't got his mind definite yet. I keep reminding there is no need to build a massive 4 bed house for 2 kids lol. Just wish his mates would shut up and stop pushing their views of their poor choices on him cause he says if we had twins second it wouldn't upset him and neither would going for a 3rd after 2 boys lol. I don't think anything good could come out of lying.

    Will just have to be happy with what we can have first I guess then aim for more after the first hoping there is no problems getting PG in the first place. Everything will be perfect when just have that 1 perfect but that turns around and Call DH dad, his heart will melt he is so good with friends kids I know he can't wait either.

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  15. #189
    TrulyBlessed is offline Winner 2009 - Member you would most like to meet in Real Life
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    This is what my ***** of a SIL (who I know is stalking me because my ex dobbed you right in der) told my ex I did to my DP. Not that it's any of their business they just like to think it is and I often wonder if my older brother actually knows what his wife is still doing to this day. Probably not.

    When in fact my DP saw me take each and every single pill at the same time each day (I have a reminder set for each and every day) as he was home on holidays at the time of me actually falling pregnant. Due to my body being screwy on my original pill I was put on a really strong one while my GP was away on holidays and had been on it for a few months before I had to go back to see him when I had pneumonia he didn't think that pill was appropriate for my age and my normal GP then changed me to a slightly lower dosage pill and 3 months later I fell pregnant. So tell me how that is classed as Trapping my partner.

    My partner knows me and we have goals as to building our dream home and that we would wait until this year before starting TTC. Having fallen pregnant unexpectedly back then shocked us both. He actually got his head around becoming a dad again before I did about having another baby. Yes we want one together but when that time comes will come down to my DP & my choice.

    As for TTC I wouldn't actually post on here as I know my ***** of a SIL is a $hit stirrer is still here.

  16. #190
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy wanderer View Post

    I don't understand what the big fuss is. Plenty of women attend sperm banks and do the IVF things...which I personally find abhorrent. But this method is accepted so why shouldn't getting pregnant naturally with someone you know be an issue? After all, this society espouses the self in that if you want to do it, just do it and to hell with the consequences.
    There is nothing accidental about IVF. Men donate freely to help infertile couples, they are not "trapped". They volunteer to do this.

    You should perhaps reframe your language on a parenting forum such as BubHub, of which there are many women currently undertaking IVF as it is not appropriate. It also is not comparable to the OP, there is nothing deceitful or accidental about IVF.

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