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  1. #161
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    Sheesh a person changes their mind and their supposed to be lied to and be ok with that! Hell to the no! It's wrong...just simply wrong

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  3. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy wanderer View Post

    I don't understand what the big fuss is. Plenty of women attend sperm banks and do the IVF things...which I personally find abhorrent. But this method is accepted so why shouldn't getting pregnant naturally with someone you know be an issue? After all, this society espouses the self in that if you want to do it, just do it and to hell with the consequences.
    I am so desperately hoping I am misunderstanding this comment...

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  5. #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I am so desperately hoping I am misunderstanding this comment...
    Me too...

  6. #164
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    No one who is in favour of lying to their spouse in order to have more kids has answered these questions:

    What if your spouse were infertile? Then what would be acceptable to you to do? An affair?

    What if you got pregnant, and your partner didn't want the extra child? Would it be okay for them to slip you the abortion drug, without you knowing?

    What if one of you no longer wanted a sexual relationship? Would it be okay for the other to force things?

    I'm really confused by the level of hostility some people seem to be showing toward their spouses too. If DH hadn't wanted to do IVF (which was necessary for us to have kids), then we wouldn't have had another child. I would have been devastated, and there would have been many conversations about it, but I would also respect his right to decide if he didn't want another child. I love him. I couldn't imagine betraying him over something so important.

    There are many men in the world who WOULD care if they had a child out there somewhere, and who couldn't just ignore it/ switch off and pretend it didn't exist. It's a ridiculous argument to say "So what? If he doesn't want it then he doesn't have to have anything to do with it." If I had a child out there that existed then I couldn't do that! I know DH couldn't either. But that doesn't mean it's right to trick them.

    Some of the comments in this thread are repulsive. And they definitely give women a bad name.

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  8. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I am so desperately hoping I am misunderstanding this comment...
    Me too, Peanut Monkey

  9. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by mama and her little bear View Post
    my sisters kids are 10, 8, 6 and 5.

    he was broken up with her when the 5 year old was concieved and left for good when it was 18 months old and has seen them like 6 times since he left,

    the older 3 think their dad is a douche bag (NO influence from her) the first two already reached that point after they grew up with his behaviours (like chucking a tantrum about having to leave World of Warcraft because she was in labour with #3 and tons more ****), #3 has decided this with age because he has seen many promises broken by his father, #4 has no care either way, he is happy with or without his dad.


    My ex's father left when he was 10 months old and never saw him again, the only thing the ex cared about was a medical background so we knew what our son was in for health wise,

    the ex's father reappeared when Q was a baby, ex met him twice, got medical records and never bothered again

    Maybe boys are different? idk but that's 5 kids I know personally who really wouldnt care if their father dropped out fully tomorrow.
    I'm not trying to say you're wrong, I'm right... blah blah etc... but that's NOW too. What about when they're teenager? Adults?

    Right now DD hardly talks about her father - but I'm not so silly as to assume that just because that's how it is now, that's how it will always be. Perhaps as her life changes, she will start thinking about it more. Perhaps when she gets a sibling (she has one by her father, who she will likely never meet) she'll think about it more... maybe when she has kids of her own... etc.

    I was definitely not suggesting that everyone who doesn't know their father is lacking, or feels somewhat empty or whatever... but it's certainly a possibility, and why would anyone willingly increase the odds of that happening, by falling pregnant deliberately against their partner's will? It's surely likely to do little more than make that child's life more stressful than it needs to be. Even if it's not about the absence of a father, it could be due to being brought into a tension-filled relationship or whatever as well.

    As to the other PP who's going on about how men shouldn't be allowed to change their minds after marriage... WTF?! I change my mind all the time. I didn't enter into a relationship intending to change my views on stuff... but people grow, they experience new things that lead to changes of heart, etc... the fact that people can and do change their minds isn't a bad thing. It's a normal thing, and it's not something that needs to be punished!

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  11. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I'm not trying to say you're wrong, I'm right... blah blah etc... but that's NOW too. What about when they're teenager? Adults?

    Right now DD hardly talks about her father - but I'm not so silly as to assume that just because that's how it is now, that's how it will always be. Perhaps as her life changes, she will start thinking about it more. Perhaps when she gets a sibling (she has one by her father, who she will likely never meet) she'll think about it more... maybe when she has kids of her own... etc.

    I was definitely not suggesting that everyone who doesn't know their father is lacking, or feels somewhat empty or whatever... but it's certainly a possibility, and why would anyone willingly increase the odds of that happening, by falling pregnant deliberately against their partner's will? It's surely likely to do little more than make that child's life more stressful than it needs to be. Even if it's not about the absence of a father, it could be due to being brought into a tension-filled relationship or whatever as well.

    As to the other PP who's going on about how men shouldn't be allowed to change their minds after marriage... WTF?! I change my mind all the time. I didn't enter into a relationship intending to change my views on stuff... but people grow, they experience new things that lead to changes of heart, etc... the fact that people can and do change their minds isn't a bad thing. It's a normal thing, and it's not something that needs to be punished!
    So true SM, as a child I couldn't care less about my lack of 'father', except maybe at school for functions etc... as an adult my feelings have changed dramatically. I yearn for knowledge and I guess some kind of familiarity.

    As for trapping someone into a pregnancy. The thought is just awful, but I think it happens a LOT more than is spoken about.

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  13. #168
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    I don't believe the 'trapping' side of it works whatsoever. If a relationship is bad enough that one feels the need to 'trap' the other I am adament that in the very vast majority of those relationships, if not all, they will eventually fail anyway and there's the added stress of a child - child support, giving up career, custody etc.

    I won't believe it for a second that if someone is miserable with their partner, and she falls pregnant unexpectedly, that it will last long-term or forever. It would be, at best, a temporary band aid solution and will end up a much more complex issue when it does inevitably fall apart.

    I do agree with others that people are allowed to have change of heart. Especially when it's something as important as children. I have had people change their mind on me for near a decade now, and I am just about broken, but I would never 'trap' anybody. Ever. I have my soul mate so I have to forego the children I wanted which will never stop hurting, but it's not as easy as "just leave and seek sperm donation/fostering/whatever". Life just isn't that black and white for me.

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  15. #169
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I don't believe the 'trapping' side of it works whatsoever. If a relationship is bad enough that one feels the need to 'trap' the other I am adament that in the very vast majority of those relationships, if not all, they will eventually fail anyway and there's the added stress of a child - child support, giving up career, custody etc.

    I won't believe it for a second that if someone is miserable with their partner, and she falls pregnant unexpectedly, that it will last long-term or forever. It would be, at best, a temporary band aid solution and will end up a much more complex issue when it does inevitably fall apart.

    I do agree with others that people are allowed to have change of heart. Especially when it's something as important as children. I have had people change their mind on me for near a decade now, and I am just about broken, but I would never 'trap' anybody. Ever. I have my soul mate so I have to forego the children I wanted which will never stop hurting, but it's not as easy as "just leave and seek sperm donation/fostering/whatever". Life just isn't that black and white for me.

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  17. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I do agree with others that people are allowed to have change of heart. Especially when it's something as important as children. I have had people change their mind on me for near a decade now, and I am just about broken, but I would never 'trap' anybody. Ever. I have my soul mate so I have to forego the children I wanted which will never stop hurting, but it's not as easy as "just leave and seek sperm donation/fostering/whatever". Life just isn't that black and white for me.
    I'm so sorry Benji this has happened to you. It must be heartbreaking.

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