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  1. #131
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    See, I think THINKING about it is fine. THINKING, "Stuff you, I'll go do it anyway!" after an argument about it is probably a fairly normal reaction to have. Thinking about it in a day-dream sort of way is fine too. I think it's normal to fantasize about getting what you want.

    Actually going through with it is another thing altogether though.

    I often talk of all sorts of things I'd never actually do - smashing into some idiot driver in front of me, sticking a cork up DP's backside for endless farting (lol), telling that b*tch at work exactly what I think about her using as many colourful words as I possibly can... but actually going through with it is so different from thinking about it.

    It's that GOING THROUGH WITH IT that takes a normal adult to a deceitful, selfish, immature jerk.

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  3. #132
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    In the past I have felt incredibly trapped because I have been told yes to a baby, then no at the last minute. My son's father used to tell me all the time we could give DS a sibling, then he'd take it back. It made me feel trapped, and I believe he was being dishonest.

    I think having a baby with someone to 'trap' them is just as stupid as breaking life-altering promises such as yes I will give you a baby and then not deliever. Both will not make the person love you more but, in my opinion, drive them further away.

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  5. #133
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    No I definitely would not!

    Dp is my best friend and I could never do that to him.

    Imagine how she would feel if she didn't want another child and he was pricking holes in the condoms! Bet you all hell would break loose

  6. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by TaylasWorld View Post
    No I definitely would not!

    Dp is my best friend and I could never do that to him.

    Imagine how she would feel if she didn't want another child and he was pricking holes in the condoms! Bet you all hell would break loose
    Tbh...my dh is also my bestfriend, and if it meant that much to me I'm sure he would seriously consider having another child even if he didn't want another. I'm a very lucky lady to have him

    People shouldn't be deceiving their partners like that...whether its the man or woman. If they disagree they should discuss it, be open about their feelings and if they still cant resolve it then they should probably get some counselling or seriously consider whether they are right for each other.

  7. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantingtostart View Post
    Yes I absolutely would. I have always went into a relationship saying I want a large family. If a decade later when we're married and my time is running out, my husband has a change of heart, why wouldn't I?
    Bc a relationship should be about honesty? Each to their own I guess but it's a terrible thing to do, and frankly the minority that actually do this, give men an excuse to duck and weave where he just didn't use contraception got her pg, and is now claiming she 'trapped' him when she didn't. In short these women are paying for the tiny percentage that actually really do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    The compulsion to procreate isn't exactly rational, otherwise we would all stop at two.
    I completely get that. After almost 2 years ttc, I think about it daily, my thoughts constantly revolve around how desperate I am for a baby. I still wouldn't deceive my husband though.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlotchedTabby View Post
    Yes, i agree that you shouldn't deceive your partner. But you shouldn't sacrifice your dreams because its not compatible with your partner's wishes. It could lead to resentment and destroy your relationship anyway.
    If my husband had stayed at his initial decision of only wanting 2, I would have been gutted. But I would have accepted it. If it was a case of he wanted none, I may have moved on. A woman whose partner doesn't want any/more kids has options like moving on. Finding a new partner, accessing donor sperm.

    My thinking is that if you have a couple firmly deadlocked on this subject, their relationship *may* not last anyway. So my thoughts are, cut your losses (and yes I know easier said than done) bc if you trap him he's probably going to walk anyway, and may not have contact with the child. All I know, is if it was me, I'd rather the former than the latter.

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  9. #136
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    Ethically, I see it as comparable with a man forcing a woman to have an abortion against her will.

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    I knew someone who was trying to do this with her husband. Her husband very wisely got the snip, and she was still telling me after the fact that "he isn't confirmed infertile yet" so still had a glimmer of hope that she would get pregnant.
    I'm no longer friends with her, thankfully. The whole situation was messed up. I felt very sorry for her, but I also judged her very much for it.
    Their relationship won't last. He already doesn't appear to want to spend much time with her at all.

  11. #138
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    Don't do to others hat you do not wish to be done to you.

    If you were to deceitfully fall pregnant, and see no problem, then you must see no problem in your partner having a vasectomy without your knowledge.

    Same same. Absolutely no difference.

    Would you like that?! Your partner never telling you he has had it done and there for your attempts at having a hold are failed because he kept something so vital from you?!

    Now vice verse that scenario.

  12. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by mama and her little bear View Post
    I wouldnt rely on just ONE form of birth control that could be easily dodged if I absolutely dead set didnt want another child.
    Thats true...i've always told dh that even with a condom i'm prepared to fall pregnant despite it...if i wasn't happy with this chance then i wouldn't dtd (with just a condom) at all.

    My philosophy is if you dtd there is always a chance of pregnancy.

  13. #140
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    I feel sorry for any baby born out of someone actually doing this. I mean, either the dad steps up and is a good father, in which case he is saddled with a lifetime of emotional and financial responsibility that he didn't want. OR, he does a runner, in which case the child is saddled with a lifetime of "dad didn't want me/isn't around". Either way, someone loses. I don't know, this might be just me, but a huge part of being a mother (for me) is to put the wellbeing of my family as first priority. I couldn't hurt either my husband or my children (born or unborn) just to have things "my way". Seems pretty selfish, imho.

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