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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post

    If they love each other then they will work to overcome a problem, but if the problem can't be overcome (e.g., one person no longer wants a sexual relationship), then it may be the case that the relationship has to end. (If neither party can live with the alternative, that is.) It doesn't mean the other person has the right to force the one who doesn't want it to have sex. And, in this instance, their right to say no DOES outweigh the other person's wish for them to say yes.
    Thanks for clarifying.

    A person has a right not to be forced to do something they don't want to do.

    Someone who wants children should not be forced to be childless (in this case, they should find a new partner).

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    Guest654  (07-04-2013)

  3. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    In the same way it's not OK for a man to force a woman to have sex against her will, it's not OK for a woman to force a man to have a baby against his will.

    Despicable.
    Exactly what I was trying to say in a more roundabout (and multiple post) way.

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    αληθη  (07-04-2013),NancyBlackett  (07-04-2013)

  5. #123
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    I dont think people are aware of just how common it is for men to be dishonest, too. My ex told me he was infertile, probably as a means to not have to wear condoms but I do think he did believe it to an extent. I couldn't take the pill because it made me crazy. Of course, when we fell pregnant together it was "my fault" being a woman and all. Now I just give up, and have resigned myself to the fact I'm never having a planned baby with anyone, I can't "just find someone else" to have a baby with. I have spent my life, since age 19, in long term relationships and they just don't want it with me, I cannot afford to give everything up, wait until age 35+ when they are "ready" to have children. I can empathise with just how desperate some people can become. I haven't got endless funds for sperm donation on my own.

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    Annabella  (04-05-2013)

  7. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I dont think people are aware of just how common it is for men to be dishonest, too. My ex told me he was infertile, probably as a means to not have to wear condoms but I do think he did believe it to an extent. I couldn't take the pill because it made me crazy. Of course, when we fell pregnant together it was "my fault" being a woman and all. Now I just give up, and have resigned myself to the fact I'm never having a planned baby with anyone, I can't "just find someone else" to have a baby with. I have spent my life, since age 19, in long term relationships and they just don't want it with me, I cannot afford to give everything up, wait until age 35+ when they are "ready" to have children. I can empathise with just how desperate some people can become. I haven't got endless funds for sperm donation on my own.
    I don't think anyone's saying that it isn't a really hard situation, nor that sometimes people do feel desperate.

    However, forcing someone you're supposed to love into something they don't want to do can never be right either.

    There are lots of situations where someone is unable to get what they want in life (whether that's a relationship, or a child, or whatever), but that doesn't make it right to force the issue, or do something deceitful, when it has such a huge impact on other people.

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    SugarSkull  (07-04-2013)

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    So if a woman finds herself in a position that she only has a couple of kids and wanting more then surely the option of sperm donation would be a far better option then deceit. Unless the whole reason for tricking the man is for him to later pay for a child he doesn't want.

  10. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I dont think people are aware of just how common it is for men to be dishonest, too. My ex told me he was infertile, probably as a means to not have to wear condoms but I do think he did believe it to an extent. I couldn't take the pill because it made me crazy. Of course, when we fell pregnant together it was "my fault" being a woman and all. Now I just give up, and have resigned myself to the fact I'm never having a planned baby with anyone, I can't "just find someone else" to have a baby with. I have spent my life, since age 19, in long term relationships and they just don't want it with me, I cannot afford to give everything up, wait until age 35+ when they are "ready" to have children. I can empathise with just how desperate some people can become. I haven't got endless funds for sperm donation on my own.
    I told DH within two months of first going out what I wanted from the relationship (ie. marriage and start ttc from when im 23 which is now). However, he is 16 years older than me and was ready to settle down when we met and had to wait for me to be 'ready'.

    Thanks for telling your story about your ex...it adds some perspective to the discussion ...everyone seems to be implying that the baby crazy women are at fault. Again, i agree they shouldn't be trapping though.

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  12. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I don't think anyone's saying that it isn't a really hard situation, nor that sometimes people do feel desperate.

    However, forcing someone you're supposed to love into something they don't want to do can never be right either.

    There are lots of situations where someone is unable to get what they want in life (whether that's a relationship, or a child, or whatever), but that doesn't make it right to force the issue, or do something deceitful, when it has such a huge impact on other people.
    I do agree, although I often feel I have been forced into a situation where I won't get the family I want. And I feel I may never recover from it. Either way, there is hurt.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozeymumof5 View Post
    This is us...after 2 kids we decided no more and I told him I'm done with bc so it's up to you, we now have 5 lol. I'm waiting for the mirena but between now and then it's still up to him
    Lol Thanx for the tip. Maybe I should take matters into my own hands...
    It's up to my DH at the moment and he is very laxed about it all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I do agree, although I often feel I have been forced into a situation where I won't get the family I want. And I feel I may never recover from it. Either way, there is hurt.
    I definitely understand that

    And I do empathise with the situation too. I understand the feeling of wanting to do that (trick someone), and the hurt, fear, and desperation behind it, but not the actual carrying out of that action.

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    I would never have a baby to trap someone, but if I had not met DH and wanted a baby I would not have ruled out the idea of trying to get pregnant to a random guy.

    I will never know if I would have carried through with this, but I know that I would have at least considered it.

    I am financially independent so I would never have asked for child support.


 

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