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  1. #1
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    Default Having to go back to work :(

    My partner and I have a 4 week old bubba and my partner (who is the birth mother) is staying home for 6 months while I return to work.
    I am having trouble doing this! I know its wrong but I am jealous of my partner cause she gets to spend more time with our little girl, while I am at work. It doesn't help that I don't really love my job, but unfortunately we aren't in the financial position to have both of us staying home.

    I just don't want to miss anything and I am worried I am getting depressed cause I am crying about it often! My partner feels bad and guilty which I don't like but I can't help how I feel. It also doesn't help that there isn't really an end to the situation - it's not like I can quit or that my partner can return to work.

    I guess I was wondering if anyone else out there has been in a similar situation and if so how did you get through it? I also just needed to get it off my chest, in the hope that someone would understand and maybe have some advice.

    Thanks in advance!!

    Nic

  2. #2
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    We're not same sex parents, so i hope you don't mind me replying, but DP hated going back to work. Some things that helped:
    I would take bubs to his office and we would all have lunch together. Lots of photos and phone calls through the day.
    Eventually we moved closer to his ( well actually both of our) work, so he only has less than a 10 minute commute each way- that gave him a whole extra hour at home. Be as hands on when you are home as possible- keep communicating with your DP and make sure neither of you let resentments build up, don't fall into the trap of the primary care giver doing the bulk of the caring, you need to get in there and do things your way.
    Is it possible for you to take some annual leave? Or even unpaid leave, one day a week?

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    Not same sex either but I think this is something that most DP go through.
    I made sure to send little videos and pics through the day.
    We also set up DS routine so that DP feeds him when he gets home then gets his time with him in the bath. I'm not around for that at all. He also puts him to bed. So in the future at least having DP there at night will be very important to him.
    Also when it's time for swimming lessons, that will be DP job. You will miss some things but then so will your partner when they go back. And let's be honest...they don't do much at that age. DS is 6 months and sooo much more fun now! Can't wait for the year mark when he's not just crying about things.
    I had to go back to work when DS was 4 months. I miss him so much but do enjoy my time away from him too!

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  6. #4
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    Hi there!
    My DP & I are experiencing the exact same thing right now. Except I am the birth mother. She has been lucky to have had a bit more time off but she is really struggling with the thought of going back & has been feeling exactly like you. So I have no answers but I can totally sympathize & understand how much you have bonded with your child, you feel as much a mother as your DP & that's an incredibly beautiful thing! We are looking at her working part time hours for a start. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to have the best of both worlds!

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    Thanks so much guys. I didn't think this was a same sex specific situation, and its really nice to know others feel the same. I will just have to suck it up I guess! Plus it's only been three days, I just wanted to know if it would get easier.
    I'm definitely going to get DP to send through photos, even though I'm ridiculously jealous I might not feel as if I'm missing out on anything.
    I can't wait for swimming lessons, that's definitely my role! Plus I do the baths so fingers crossed with a bit more time it will get a little easier.
    we are also tossing up the idea of me dropping a day at work, while DP does that day. Not yet but it's an idea in the future which might just make it that bit easier.
    So glad it's not just me and what I'm feeling is normal!

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    Izka  (06-04-2013)

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    The way you feel is completely understandable. Of course you feel this way...you both love your baby as much. I've always felt sorry for my DH having to go back to work when I had a year with our son, and then got to work part-time.

    I send him funny photos throughout the day, we meet him for lunch, he takes paintings from kindy for his desk, and each night and weekend they have fun things they do just the two of them. Little shared rituals are nice...every weekend, for example, DH takes our three year old to buy the paper and visit the newsagent who knows him very well and saves little toys that come with magazines. They are always going somewhere together and I get a chance to have time to myself, read a book or actually visit the loo solo!

    i think all of the suggestions so far have been great. I am sorry you have to go through this, and hope you find lots of special ways to share time with your baby. She is lucky to have two mums who clearly adore her.
    Last edited by jellybeanicecream; 05-04-2013 at 22:24.

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  12. #7
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    When DS was tiny I would send photos and messages to DH during the day, and he was completely hands on when home. 16 months down the track we now both work four days a week. DS goes to child care three days and we each have a day at home with him. It might be an option for you in the future.

    I know I was always very close to both my parents, Mum stayed home until I was 9 and Dad worked full time, but that didn't change my relationship with the, at all. In fact, as a toddler I was definitely a Daddy's girl. So your little one will love you just as much if you're at home or at work. Good luck with returning to work xxx.

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