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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    hugs, it must be hard to see your mum acting in a way that makes you question your relationship. I would have been gutted if my mum planned a holiday over my due date...especially if she was supposed to be coming in to be there when DD was born.

    Taking DD to meet someone from the internet...eeekkkk! At least she asked! But yes, some impaired judgement.

    Also, if you don't like her partner...i totally understand not letting DD stay there.

    I would look for compromises. Say you have something on SUnday so if she wants to have her all day and then come back to your house to do bedtime? Maybe you and DH could go out for dinner while she does bedtime...that way, she still gets to do that on her own..but then you and DH get to go home and she can go to her home. It's the best half way point I can think of...and you and DH get to have dinner out...bonus!

    I hope she settles down a little...it does sound like she is operating more in a "young adult" mindset than a mum/grandma...sometimes a new relationship can do that to people...esp if he does not have family responsibilities (and often older single men don't).
    It can be hard and sometimes I feel like the parent in the situation. I was especially hurt by her planning the holiday but I had to let it go and just hope she chooses me and the baby over a trip she can go on any time!

    She honestly didn't realize that taking a child to meet some guy off the internet was wrong, I tried to explain it and she honestly just didn't get it! And she still ended up choosing the guy over looking after DD who she left with my brother. It just feels that nothing is important to her other than herself.

    The compromize is a really good idea actually as I don't want to stop her having a relationship with DD buy just want to be sure she is stable (for lack of better word) before I let her stay overnight again. Thanks so much for your advice, If she really wants to see her granddaughter id hope that she would be happy to compromise. I think im seeing her at some stage today so I'll see what she says. I can imagine that no matter what I say she will just be offended but then it will be her loss I guess!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    From what you've written there's no way I'd allow a sleepover. It annoys me when relatives push for a sleepover and get angry if the answer is no. They're children, not time share apartments or toys. If you feel you don't know the boyfriend well enough, and you don't trust your mother's judgment right now then stand your ground. Don't let someone guilt you into giving them your child for the night.

    I like the suggestion of 'I'm not comfortable letting her go away yet'. You don't need to explain. Just say 'not yet' and change the subject.
    I know what you mean! I feel pressured to let DD stay there because she is guilting me and I really shouldn't have to give more of a reason than "I'm not comfortable with it yet". I'm so bad at standing my ground when it comes to family and my husband is always pulling me up on it and telling me I need to stand up to them and not just go along with things that I'm not comfortable with just to keep them happy.
    I think saying "not yet" then changing the subject is a good idea, hopefully I can actually follow through with it though!! Wish me luck, this will probably start a family war haha!!

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    Last edited by Cinderella82; 10-08-2013 at 21:38.

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    So she just came over and asked about Saturday again and I said I still wasn't comfortable with the idea but she could spend the day with DD etc and she just said she didn't understand and thinks I don't trust her which I said wasn't true I just wasn't comfortable with her going there as I don't really know him and her answer for that was that she knows him and wouldn't let anything happen to her anyway I'm left feeling crappy and guilty silly pregnancy hormones made me ball my eyes out when she left too, I am glad I stood my ground but I still feel really bad, she looked so hurt!

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    Oh big hugs, I'm sorry she's being so difficult

    I think her inability to see this from your perspective and her need to make it all about her are very telling traits. She doesn't sound emotionally mature at all. Understanding this doesn't make your life with her easier, but it might help you to manage your own expectations of her.

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    Big hugs. I'm so sorry she's making this all about her and not accepting your decision gracefully. DH's mum gets like this and his reply to the trust barb is that the more she makes me him feel pressured, the less he trusts her. To him, it's the honest truth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Oh big hugs, I'm sorry she's being so difficult

    I think her inability to see this from your perspective and her need to make it all about her are very telling traits. She doesn't sound emotionally mature at all. Understanding this doesn't make your life with her easier, but it might help you to manage your own expectations of her.
    I agree, it feels like she is the teenager making silly decisions and I'm the rational parent all the time. She left in a bit of a huff yesterday and as she was walking out I asked if she was going to spend the day with DD and she said she would call in the morning and let me know as she had to talk to her boyfriend as they had plans.. how were they going to look after her anyway if they had plans today!?
    I know what you mean about managing my expectations of her though, I guess I just hope that there is some of my old mum in there (she's always been a little bit flaky but nothing like this) I just wish she would realize she needs to help herself and sort out her issues!


 

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