Hi, I am going to try to keep this short
I feel SO stressed! I feel like I am drowning, feel like I am about to have a break down!
I have 2 Online stores and between DH and I, we have 3. Its our business and our only income and its pretty much our full time job. More than full time I reckon! We also have 2 beautiful kids, 1 just turned 2 (so not really 2 under 2 anymore), the other is 5 months old. Both are mummys boy and girl.
My 5 month old girl is super clingy, as long as shes awake she wants mummy and no one else, she'll scream the house down until I cuddle her. Sometimes she might be distracted and will be content by herself for a bit, but if she sees me walking pass her or etc she'll start crying straight away. My 2 year old boy is at his naughty 2s. Tantrums everyday about anything and everything. He screamed for an hour today because I opened his yogurt for him! Hes also a mummys boy, he gets jealous when I cuddle his sister. So through out the day its either my 2 year old screaming or my 5 month old screaming.
I try to do work with all the screaming going on. Pretty much cant get anything done! Today I have made a total of 5 mistakes, sending parcel to wrong people, sending someone items twice, forgotten to send someone items, couldnt find the items in the house etc. I am just so angry at myself for making those silly mistakes. So I try to work at night, but I get so tired at night! after they both go to sleep it would be 8~8:30pmish then I would sit here in my work room and work till 1am! I am also breastfeeding throughout the night as well and need to be up by 6am, thats when they both wake up! I am just exhausted! I feel guilty even watching Grimm and MKR and Downton Abbey because I feel like I should be doing some work! But if I dont do work at night, the next day i would be swamped and then I would feel so guilty because I would be working all day and not spending much time with the kids. Even if I work at night, I am still swamped the next day!
I havent played with my boy for a long time,even though we are at home everyday, he would just draw in my room or watch TV when hes not whinging. Sometimes we would take my 2 year old to his nanas house. Hes not in daycare yet because we both feel hes too young for it. We need to continue the business as its our only source of income.
So our house at the moment looks like a factory, not only theres dishes from 2 days ago laying there, no more clean cups to use, dirty laundry all over the bathroom floor, toys everywhere, stock all over the house, I cant even see the desk top of my work desk right now. I hate the house looking like this, I cant think straight with a dirty house, but I just dont have the time to do anything! I am even feeling guilty typing away here because I should be doing work or else I am never going to get any sleep tonight! I cant even remember the last time I cooked! I feel so guilty for buying food every night, dont feel so bad eating take out myself, but my 2 year old. i try to cook something for him, but stepping into the kitchen just makes me want to throw everything out!
DH tries to help as much as he can, but I know hes busy too. Hes somehow better at dealing with stress than I can.
I dont know what to do.......really needed to vent.......I dont have anyone to talk to either, my parents are overseas, and my friends are all pretty far from me and none of them are married or have kids or own a business so really cant relate.