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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by pisang View Post
    Picture this. You go to your SIL party. When u walk in u don't get acknowledged. For the whole night you are told one word from her. Hi. Your baby who yes is your world who u would expect your family members to say hi or give him a rub on the head even to say hi doesn't do a thing. Baby crawling around SIL steps over like he is a dog. Seriously that's me being precious? Far out that's bull. So u let your kids get treated like sh*t and your ok with that?

    Sorry about the others who have Sil issues too. It really sucks
    Ioco yeh I have to learn to get over it and not let it get to me. I'm sure that will happen in time
    I think it's fair to be a little upset by her behaviour. I don't think anyone is disagreeing with that. Just the "cut her out for good," part. At least, to me that seems like quite an overreaction.

    I don't necessarily think she was treating your son like a dog by stepping over him. I would think most people would step over someone who was in their path, since the alternative is to not go to wherever it is they want to go, or step ON them, which obviously isn't going to happen.

    She may have been in a foul mood that evening. If you tried to initiate conversation and she was nasty, then I think fair enough, decide she's a rude cow. If you tried to initiate conversation and she was distant and not terribly interested... that doesn't mean she's horrible, that just means she's perhaps not in the best of moods for whatever reason.

    I'm assuming you just don't really like her... and this is just something else to add to the pile of "why I don't like her." I get that. I have people that I don't like, where any minor thing they do makes me furious. I just can say, as an outsider, based on your OP and subsequent updates in this thread, it doesn't sound like she's done anything so horrible she needs to permanently cut from your lives.

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  3. #42
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    I think you should play the whole situation by ear & not make any rash decisions.

    Can you talk to sil privately & let her know you feel hurt. And take it from there?

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  5. #43
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    I too think some of the replies are a bit harsh.....it kinda doesnt matter if others think its not worth or warrants being hurt by...the OP does tho so really thats what counts imo. OP ....personally i feel a bit the same as you ie its rude...even tho ive probably kinda been that type of 'uninterested' SIL myself in the past...firstly cos i had no kids, then when doing ivf it was too hard to be around thier kids and simply cos ive never really had much in common with my bil/sil....even now i have to admit im much more interested in my blood related neice than i am my dh' nephews...BUT im sure they feel the same way and we always go to all the kids birthdays....so yep i think she sounds rude but who knows why...some things in life u just have to suck it up and go even if its boring etc...i often find dh's family things boring cos i dont have the emotional connection to them...but imo u just go cos its family...u just smile even if bored and you just be civil and polite. So i agree it sucks but i would let it slide.

  6. #44
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    It sounds like a huge over reaction to me. To you your child's 1st birthday is a huge event, to her obviously its not. Just because you view family events as a big deal doesn't mean she is in the wrong for not thinking like that.

  7. #45
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    It is a tricky one.

    Can I assume that they do not have kids? Is it posible that they are trying and she is struggling being around you/children in general?

    I can see both sides.

    DH doesn't have brothers/sisters...but does have cousins and close friends. There have been times where I think they have been annoyed that he will go to things without me (kids parties, weddings etc) either because we are busy and we have to juggle kids or because I am studying or because we cannot get a baby sitter/not willing to pay for one.

    I like his friends and cousins...but, sometimes, I have to grab that time i need...it might seem unimportant to them, me studying or having to run my son around to sporting events...but, to me...it is.

    I have been upset with a particular gf of mine for not showing up for DD's party 2 years in a row...and she is very unpredictable when trying to arrange things...but, it is her and I know that our priorities are very different. I know that we will always be friends though and I am willing to give her some grace as I know that she does not understand that these things are important. She wants a baby and cannot have one...her distance is because it hurts her.

    Now, not saying SIL is ttc...but, I do think that sometimes we expect too much of people and don't understand why they do things. What might be unimportant to you ... might be something she has been putting off and putting off and really just wants to have some time to herself.

    If she is making sure not to stop her partner coming, i would think she is valuing family...and making sure he spends time with his side. I know i do that more than showing up...and that is me making me an effort.

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  9. #46
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    In laws = one word: Arrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!

  10. #47
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    Some replies here are extremely harsh. Even before I had DS I always always always put my nieces and nephews big events FIRST. They are my family and I would do anything for them, this goes for DH sisters kids. I understand that some families aren't as close but I would be severely disappointed if a SIL didn't make an effort for a very special birthday.
    I feel sorry for some of the nieces and nephews of PPs. For them to not be important in their lives it's pretty sad.

    Hugs OP! I hope she makes it up to your little one soon x

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    You mentioned that she had a baby shower 6 months ago which would indicate she has a young baby herself perhaps she is suffering some post natal or has something going on in her own family and your brother respects her by not saying anything? There could be lots going on and your only upsetting yourself by taking it personally. I used to always think the worst of ppl and get wound up over little things but you are only feeding your own anger and hurt when it could be completely innocent. Her and your brother could split tomorrow than would it really matter if she wasn't in the photo?

  12. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    Some replies here are extremely harsh. Even before I had DS I always always always put my nieces and nephews big events FIRST. They are my family and I would do anything for them, this goes for DH sisters kids. I understand that some families aren't as close but I would be severely disappointed if a SIL didn't make an effort for a very special birthday.
    I feel sorry for some of the nieces and nephews of PPs. For them to not be important in their lives it's pretty sad.

    Hugs OP! I hope she makes it up to your little one soon x
    Completely agree! I can't imagine thinking so callously about my own family...

  13. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    It is a tricky one.

    Can I assume that they do not have kids? Is it posible that they are trying and she is struggling being around you/children in general?

    I can see both sides.

    DH doesn't have brothers/sisters...but does have cousins and close friends. There have been times where I think they have been annoyed that he will go to things without me (kids parties, weddings etc) either because we are busy and we have to juggle kids or because I am studying or because we cannot get a baby sitter/not willing to pay for one.

    I like his friends and cousins...but, sometimes, I have to grab that time i need...it might seem unimportant to them, me studying or having to run my son around to sporting events...but, to me...it is.

    I have been upset with a particular gf of mine for not showing up for DD's party 2 years in a row...and she is very unpredictable when trying to arrange things...but, it is her and I know that our priorities are very different. I know that we will always be friends though and I am willing to give her some grace as I know that she does not understand that these things are important. She wants a baby and cannot have one...her distance is because it hurts her.

    Now, not saying SIL is ttc...but, I do think that sometimes we expect too much of people and don't understand why they do things. What might be unimportant to you ... might be something she has been putting off and putting off and really just wants to have some time to herself.

    If she is making sure not to stop her partner coming, i would think she is valuing family...and making sure he spends time with his side. I know i do that more than showing up...and that is me making me an effort.
    Exactly my feelings River Song! You never know what's going on in people's lives, whether its TTC, needing time on you're own for various reasons, not being up for group events for various reasons, etc. I know my depression makes me come off rude sometimes because honestly sometimes the anxiety is so bad I'm just quiet, or it takes me a little while to warm up and feel comfortable and then I'll be chatty once my anxiety subsides. I know I come off rude sometimes but I genuinely don't mean to.

    Everyone keeps speaking of family, that family does things like go to birthday parties if they don't want to. But family should also give each other the benefit of doubt and understand that there may be valid reasons that somebody can't bring themselves to attend something.


 

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