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  1. #11
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    I know it's unimportant. I didnt want to say what it was incase she is on here. It's pretty specific but I'm 100% it can be done the next weekend.
    The fact is she said a month ago she would save the date and would come. Now it's just pushed aside.

    I know other people won't think ds is number 1. But this is family. I go to my other brothers kids birthdays. Call them and generally care a lot for them. I didnt think its much to ask that ds aunty cares about him? Some of u seem to think so.. I find that strange.. If we weren't talking always had fights yes I would understand her not carting but as I said we are always nice to her.
    So it's selfish imo

  2. #12
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    Oh and yeh there have been more than 2 occasions she makes excuses to get out of things. Obviously she doesn't like our family but come on make an effort like we all do

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    Maybe her husband (or even you) could ask her why? I avoid my partners family because even though they think they are being nice, they make me uncomfortable and I do not agree with a lot of the things they do. Perhaps she has some similar issues and would rather make excuses than run the risk of offending by saying that.

  4. #14
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    Thanks for the above post. I do think there is something wrong and have asked both her and my brother and both say there is nothing wrong..
    I would hope my brother would say something if there was. I know I would if my dh had an issue with my family..

    It's just sad. I feel hurt which is why I'm being emotional sayin I want to cut her out. I'm over being hurt by her excuses all the time. I'm too sensitive I suppose

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by pisang View Post
    Thanks for the above post. I do think there is something wrong and have asked both her and my brother and both say there is nothing wrong..
    I would hope my brother would say something if there was. I know I would if my dh had an issue with my family..

    It's just sad. I feel hurt which is why I'm being emotional sayin I want to cut her out. I'm over being hurt by her excuses all the time. I'm too sensitive I suppose
    I completely understand that you are hurt, but would it be better for your DS to have people there who want to be there. Instead of people who feel forced into being there.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    how do you know it's something unimportant? what might be unimportant to some is important to others.

    Not something I would cut people out of my children's lives for. If they want to come they can come, if not, it's them who are missing out, but I wouldn't cut them out. I find the reasoning a bit childish. Your brother is still making the effort.
    This. Honestly a one year olds birthday party is more about the parents than the child- who won't even remember the event or likely enjoy a really long day out of routine. It sounds like you are choosing to make a mountain out of this, it's not really necessary & 'cutting someone out' of your life over something like that seems a bit petty. Life is too short, trust me.

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  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathermy View Post
    This. Honestly a one year olds birthday party is more about the parents than the child- who won't even remember the event or likely enjoy a really long day out of routine. It sounds like you are choosing to make a mountain out of this, it's not really necessary & 'cutting someone out' of your life over something like that seems a bit petty. Life is too short, trust me.
    Hi I did say its been more than this occasion.i agree if it was just this then yeh I would be a drama queen!! The thing is wouldn't an adult also realise its important to the parents.. Ds won't remember this but would be nice to have his aunty in the photos. I'm not going to push her to come. Now that she has chosen not to come I don't want her to but it's the hurt I can't get over at the moment

  9. #18
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    She's not your sister though, she is your brother's wife right? To some people that's not really "family", just "in-laws" which can be very different in terms of effort!

    I'd just accept that she's not particularly interested and move on, no point wasting energy on her.

  10. #19
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    This is going to sound really horrible and i apologise, i don‘t mean it to. Its just blunt.

    Maybe she just doesnt care. And its nothing malicious, really. I dont care about some people in my family, not because im mean or horrid but just because we went out seperate ways, so we do our own thing. We care on a based level and thats about it. It registers distantly that i probably should but i just dont. And y‘know what? Thats okay. Cause i dont have to like everybody. Neither do you or anyone else. Maybe she just neither likes nor dislikes you but spending an entire day pandering to an adult who should know better than to think their life and what happens in it is more important than my own is tiring.
    And at the end of the day, its your sons first birthday, not hers, so its not that important really. As you acknowledge that it is for the parents, surely you understand that she shouldn‘t HAVE to attend something she doesnt want to go to simply to mke you happy?

    If you guys were actually close and did everything together, were friends as well as family then i could understand being hurt and upset. But it sounds like you guys are family and not even close family at that, so i dont understand the upsetedness
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  11. #20
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    Thanks for your reply. I understand what your saying.. She probably doesn't care which is why she forgot about saying she was coming.

    Where we are different and I don't understand is that she has parties that I so don't want to go to sometimes. As in at night when all I want to do is feed and bed ds but I make n effort and go because its family and I should go. Now that's in my mind.. I would feel bad if I just arranged something else later instead of going. Now I'm starting to understand she just doesn't care so wouldn't have the same guilty feelings I would if I did the same to her.
    She had a baby shower about 6m ago that we had to travel really far to and I went even though u had finished a long night shift that morning. To me that's what u do for family.

    So yeh from all your replies I'm seeing that she is just different to me. I more likely to consider feelings of my family and she maybe doesn't even think it would cause hurt to just not come. So I see her side if she is innocently thinking like that. Just hurt me as I thought everyone I my family would see the event is a special one and make the effort. All are.. But her. I'm starting to get over it just venting out here so thank you!


 

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