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  1. #1
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    Default How do I get over the Hurt from SIL

    It's my sons first birthday and we are having a family party on the weekend. Just family.
    I invited everyone a month ago. Told them the day and would be for lunch. Now my SIL has something very unimportant to do on that day so is not coming. I'm so so angry. I can't believe she doesn't think ds first birthday is important. First I was angry now I'm really hurt.

    I don't want ds knowing her. When he was about 8m we had a family gathering and she just stepped over him. Not even a hello as he crawled around. She is so selfish and always has some excuse to get out of being with our family. We have done nothing but be so nice to her. My family is always welcoming.

    Anyway I don't know what to do. By the way she hasn't told me she isn't coming. My brother told my mum. So more disrespect.
    I'm getyibg serious about cutting them out. My brother is ok just a bit thoughtless.. Apparently just shrugged it off and he will come still. So I wouldn't want to never see him again. Just her.
    I don't want my son to know this type of person..and god forbid she let him down like she has me one day.

    What should i do? Just ignore the fact she isn't coming but never invite her to anything again? That's what I'm thinking

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    I havent spoken to my SIL in 2 years. I missed my brothers wedding because of it. Long story short had a bad op from ectopic resulting in losing 1 tube and clamping of the other and her response was "at least you dont need contraception" Havent spoken to her since but have spoken and seen my brother. Makes it hard when my parents know what happened and my mum feels the same as me but my dad cant see what she did wrong.
    My brother knows my views and doesnt push it. I would have a relationship with your brother but not her. I wouldnt invite her to anything. In hindsight she is your DS's aunty.. Im sure others will have different opinions but thats my thought. You can still have a relationship with your brother and not her.

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    how do you know it's something unimportant? what might be unimportant to some is important to others.

    Not something I would cut people out of my children's lives for. If they want to come they can come, if not, it's them who are missing out, but I wouldn't cut them out. I find the reasoning a bit childish. Your brother is still making the effort.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post

    Not something I would cut people out of my children's lives for. If they want to come they can come, if not, it's them who are missing out, but I wouldn't cut them out. I find the reasoning a bit childish. Your brother is still making the effort.
    This. Sometimes we just have to remember that other people aren't as interested in our kids as we are. And yep, that includes family sometimes. Not something i would cut contact over.

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    Sounds like you don't particularly like her, so maybe it's not such a bad thing that she isn't attending? If my brother had a partner I didn't like, I'd probably be happy if she couldn't come!

    I do think it's good that your brother is still attending without her.

    I wouldn't go out of my way to cut her out of my life, but I wouldn't go out of my way to invite her to events in the future either.

    Don't waste energy focusing on this - just put it aside and enjoy the company of those who choose to be there for your DS

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    how do you know it's something unimportant? what might be unimportant to some is important to others.

    Not something I would cut people out of my children's lives for. If they want to come they can come, if not, it's them who are missing out, but I wouldn't cut them out. I find the reasoning a bit childish. Your brother is still making the effort.
    Yes I agree with you here. That's how I feel.


    Sent from my Unicorn.

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    I know how you feel, I'm in the same boat but my actual sister.

    Now I'm inclined to think there's deeper issues then these two occasions that would make you want to cut her of completely?

    If not then maye just take a step back and look a true big picture, as special and lovely and wonderful your son is, he just doesn't come number 1 for anyone else other then you and hubby, so to expect your sister in law to put him 1st is a bit to much of a ask. I realise is first birthday is a momentous one and something you will treasure for ever but it's just not the same feeling for everyone else, those who come to share the special day that's great! Those who don't, oh well it's their loss.

    But I really think you need to look at the whole picture and see if there is any other issues you have with her that might be blowing this one up to be bigger then it needs to be?

    I know I have issues with my sister so anything she does becomes a hue issue with me it's like she's under a microscope all the time simply because I'm angry at her for past things....

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    Maybe tall to her directly about how you feel. Give her a chance to respond and tell her how important it is to you that she has a good relationship with your son. Then if she is still not meeting you half way and you still want to cut her out you'd have good reason. I inderstand how youre feeling but she may be oblivious to jow strongly it affects you. Some people aren't intuitively great with kids particularly if they have none themselves.

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    *talk

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    I understand how your feeling about your SIL, but with my own sisters. I don't have a close relationship with them since we have moved out of home in our early 20's. The last time I bothered inviting her to anything was DS's 3rd birthday last May. I was just having dinner & cake at mine for DS and invited family only. My parents turned up but my sisters didnt bother and didn't bother with getting a present for him which I thought would have been nice even if they didnt go. Neither of them let me know they wern't coming. My mum had to tell me that they were tired from work & couldnt be bothered driving 15 mins for an hour or so out of their night. It is hurtful but I haven't cut them out of my life, I just dont bother with their life & have just stopped caring.


 

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