+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013

    Default Any step - step parents??


    New to this group, but think its time I look for some support.

    I have been with my husband for 6 years, and he has a step daughter from his previous marriage. Whilst she isn't biologically his, he was with her mother from when she was 18 months, and she never net her bio dad, so my husband was the only "father" she knew. When they separated (she was 7) it was agreed that he would continue to be that father figure for her.

    The separation did cause some strain on my husbands ability to parent his daughter. As he has no legal rights, when he did something that didn't suit her mother, she would at times choose not to allow his daughter to visit.

    So then there is me, I suppose technically the step step parent?? Fair to say I didn't (and still don't?) have a clear role in this girls life. She doesn't need a mother, (already has one of those!), and now that I'm a parent myself (3 and 1 year old boys) I am even less inclined to say how this girl should be parented. I think how I would like it if someone else (apart from my husband and I) tried to control my boys upbringing. She (now 14) already has 2 parents, and even though one of them is my husband, I feel like I need to be respectful of their roles, and not over step.

    But... (And isn't there always a but?) I do have opinions on how she acts in front of my children at my house. Yes, she is a teenager, and I can see that compared to our house, her mothers is much more appealing. She is the youngest, and there she is very free to do as she wishes (friend living with her, parties, drinking, walking on the streets late at night etc).

    With a lack of formal visitation arrangements it is fair to say that over the last 6 months her visits are becoming less and less frequent.

    I think we are at a point that if we don't change something she will stop coming. Possibly this is a combination of things including different parenting styles at both homes, the lack of formal arrangement of visitation, the lack of formal rights for my husband as he is not her "real" dad, and of course, the fact that she is now a teen!

    Has anyone else been in a "step step" parent role? if so, what are some of the challenges you have faced? I want to be able to support my husband in his parenting role, without taking over from either him or the mother.

    What sort of relationship can I aim for with his daughter, if not a parent/child??

    Any other advice (from anyone in the blended family situation)?

    Thanks in advance for any support you can give.

  2. #2
    TrulyBlessed is offline Winner 2009 - Member you would most like to meet in Real Life
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    What her mother has done is just appalling. If he was the girls father figure and wanted that to continue the mother should of made proper arrangements. To me it seems like the mother used it more for convenience then anything else.

    I would talk to your husband about getting rules implemented ESP because you have young children yourself that you also need to think about.

    He needs to also speak to the mother about their parenting style etc. otherwise it's going to get worse.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to TrulyBlessed For This Useful Post:

    2busyboys  (02-04-2013)


Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 16-01-2013, 13:38
  2. What should kids call step parents
    By Clarissa1 in forum Step-parents / Blended families
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 11-12-2012, 22:23
  3. What do your kids call YOUR step parents?
    By tea&toast in forum General Chat
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 18-11-2012, 22:14

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

learn how you can become a reviewer!


forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Hills Swimming Kenthurst
Located in the beautiful suburb of Kenthurst and boasts a heated 25m pool. We conduct world-leading Baby and Parent Classes, Preschool Classes, School Age and Squad Training. Our classes are small, our service personal and our quality of the highest.

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!