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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default How to keep toxic people out of your life.

    My sister & I had a HUUUUGE fight last night (over my parenting and my DDs behaviour) that ended with me packing the car & driving home (4hrs south)

    Right now. I never want to speak to her again.

    This is not the first time she has disgusted me. We never got along as kids (she used to physically attack me) but once we 'grew up' we tolerated each other in small doses & became good friends.

    I have been thinking about cutting her off for a long time because she's very negative, never has a nice word to say about anyone, calls me for advice-ignores said advice & wants me to pick up the pieces time & time again.

    Emotional vampire sounds about right. The thing is, I am very good at making excuses for her behaviour. Bad upbringing, bad circumstances etc etc but at the end of the day, she is an adult now (29yo) and still refusing to;
    A.acknowledge how she continues to CREATE drama &
    B.Show any real empathy to others

    I feel sorry for her & I DO love her, but at the same time when I get off the phone with her I either feel physically sick, stressed, or really upset & she calls up to 4 times a day!!!

    I've done everything I can think off to get her help, but after years and years of it falling on deaf ears, I think (for my own mental health) I need to cut ties.

    We are not speaking ATM & I have deleted her number from my & DFs phone, but I am worried I will contact her again.

    It's like ending a 27year long relationship. Can't stand her but don't remember a time without her.

    Where do I go from here?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    If you've just had a huge fight, it might not be the right day to decide to cut her out of your life completely. Spend a day or two being furious with her, then let the dust settle, talk it over with your DF and decide what to do. Don't cut her off to punish her - do it to make your life healthier.

    How is your relationship with the rest of your family? Obviously, cutting off your sister will have an impact on the rest of your family relationships, so think through that carefully. One thing I would consider is talking with other members of your family about how you just don't get along with your sister and are thinking about calling it it quits. Make sure they know your side of the story (when she speaks to them, the events might look different from her point of view).

    Having said all that, I think you are wise not to put up with toxic people in your life. It sets a good example for your little girl, and you don't want her being around that sort of negative energy and picking up bad behaviours. I think that, as parents, we sort of have a responsibility to keep our kids in a constructive, supportive environment as much as we possibly can.

    Find some supportive friends that can help you work this through. The whole situation seems quite hurtful and frustrating, so people who are a little bit removed to help you think through it logically could help.

    Hope it goes ok.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Is it just you both? For example do you have family gatherings at Xmas time etc where enough will be forced to see her?

    These are the only times I have anything to do with my A hole of a sister, simply to not upset my father.

    However if she has really upset you (I'm talking absolutely to the core) I doubt you'll contact her again, unless the whole problem becomes less important too you over time.

    I know how you feel though. It really is awful being put in this situation with family members :-(


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