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  1. #1
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    Default Family, friends & a child that's 'a bit different'

    DD is being evaluated for a behaviour disorder & I am struggling to cope with the way other people are responding to her.

    There's no denying she's mostly 'out of control', and I seem to be the only one who is able to get her to co-operate without a fuss (most of the time)

    I don't want to excuse her behaviour (and I don't, she gets time out) and without a diagnosis, I don't want to go around saying 'she has x,y,z' but she's only 2.75yo, a diagnosis could be years off! What do I do till then?

    We are on holidays with family at the moment & I've pretty much attached myself to DD to defend/translate to her.

    Dd has gotten in trouble (off relatives) today for so many things, eg not sharing, not following instructions & tantrums, she can and will share/obey without a fuss but only if she's asked in a specific way etc its hard to explain

    To get her to share I have to say 'your turn first, then x turn, then your turn again'.. Can't just say 'x turn' or she has a melt down

    To get her to obey, I have to give her options. Either a or b. eg no swimming, either sand pit or go inside & she'll pick, but if I just enforce 1 thing = melt down.

    My family just roll there eyes at her behaviour & try and tell me what to do with her.

    I am her mother. She's behaves for me (mostly) why do they think they know better?

    How do I get them to understand she's a bit different (not a spoilt brat) & be patient with her? They're really make our holiday hell, DDs screaming a lot because they're imposing behaviours on her in a way she can't cope with/understand

  2. #2
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    No advice but i'm sorry your family isn't more understanding. That would **** me off so bad.

    Just ignore their ignorance as best you can I suppose. I hope someone else here can give you some better advice., hugs

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    Mummy Potato  (31-03-2013)

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    I understand how stressful it must be. My nefew has aspergers and is similar to what you have described. You may find if she is diagnosed people still wont take any notice and will still be judgemental until they have been there and tried 'their way' you will never hear the end of it

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    Mummy Potato  (31-03-2013)

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    I would just say that she's currently undergoing some evaluations, as her brain tends to work a little differently from other children her age, and as such she needs to be dealt with differently.

    I have a non-standard child too. No diagnosis for anything, because most people just don't listen, but it is hard having a kid who doesn;t act like every other child their age.

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    Mummy Potato  (31-03-2013)

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    Gosh it sounds like they're pretty intolerant of what is pretty standard nearly-3 behavior. My DS doesn't share, doesn't listen, has tantrums... That's what toddlers do?? I'm sure that in your case it's a bit more extreme than usual, but i would hope that most people would expect a bit of those behaviours from a child that age.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Gosh it sounds like they're pretty intolerant of what is pretty standard nearly-3 behavior. My DS doesn't share, doesn't listen, has tantrums... That's what toddlers do?? I'm sure that in your case it's a bit more extreme than usual, but i would hope that most people would expect a bit of those behaviours from a child that age.
    I agree!!

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    My nephew has aspergers and sounds very similar to your DD. TBH it's really hard to be around him at times, which breaks his mother's heart and ours too as we get no pleasure feeling that way.

    I'm certainly not an expert on ASD but I know for my sister she accepted that certain social interactions were beyond him until both he and she were able to manage the situation in a controllable way. Holidays with extended family are difficult enough I find with kids who aren't "a bit different" let alone a child who may be ASD. If it were me I would just try and get through it then maybe limit the time with your parent to shorter intervals and visits. It's taken my parents years to accept their nephew isn't "naughty". I realise you don't have a diagnosis yet but download info from the internet if you can now for them to read. I read lots about ASD to get a better understanding of my nephew, as did all our family.

    It's a difficult situation for everyone. In our parents' time there was no ASD, and "different" kids were often isolated and lonely. It's a big shift for their generation.

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    unfortunately, getting people to listen and understand that a child can think differently without looking different...invisible illness/disabilities are very hard for those on the outside.

    My DS has now had testing that shows his logic pathways are just totally different and that he has an auditory processing disorder...it is a relief because, like you...i knew how to work with him but it was hard to make other understand that he was not being "difficult" he often just did not really understand what they wanted.

    The problem my DS had was also that he was incredibly bright and well spoken...years ahead...so people would instantly think that meant everything should be years ahead...so not true!

    Just be prepared to stand your ground. Say to the other adults (when he is not around or is behaving) that appreciating each child as an individual is very important to you and just as you follow their lead when dealing with their kids and respect them as parents, you really need the same respect from them. Explain that DS is still learning social cues and you have some concerns and are getting some tests done...in the meantime, you have developed some really good ways to communicate and would love their support in helping your child behave their best.

    If they cannot respect that...and you...and your child...i would keep your distance. Sad but true

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    Mummy Potato  (31-03-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Gosh it sounds like they're pretty intolerant of what is pretty standard nearly-3 behavior. My DS doesn't share, doesn't listen, has tantrums... That's what toddlers do?? I'm sure that in your case it's a bit more extreme than usual, but i would hope that most people would expect a bit of those behaviours from a child that age.
    To be fair though for a child at that age who has behaviour issues disciplining them can be a minefield and can lead to more tantrums. I have loads of 3 year olds in my life and they usually respond to other adults better than to their own parents (in my experience anyway). My nephew broke of my DD's favourite toys when he was around that age and there was nothing I could do about it (I could see it happening before it occurred) as my sister was adamant he wouldn't respond well to me, and she was right.

    It's not always so much about the toddler's behaviour as managing how other's respond to it, iykwim

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    Mummy Potato  (31-03-2013)

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    hugs, I have a child with autism, and yep I'm the over protective mum and both hubby and I are bad parents with a spoiled child. been there done that- still wearing the t-shirt. So not even the diagnosis helped. In fact I found that strangers are more understanding than family. Deep breaths and come and vent to us.

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    Mummy Potato  (31-03-2013)


 

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