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  1. #11
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    Oh sweet, I really don't want to say it, but yes I think it is a bit naive
    I think being a young guy, that isn't the father, if he refuses to commit now (or atleast after you lay it out on the table), the normal newborn things are going to scare the sh!t out of him. It will be harder for him to understand that you can't just go to the pub or sit up with him til all hours playing video games.

  2. #12
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    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    Pooey, yeah I get that. Oh well I can be man enough for bub too if I have to x]


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  3. #13
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    You certainly could be a great single Mum ! But you don't have to call it quits yet, atleast have a talk to him and let him know what you expect and whether your feelings align with his.

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  5. #14
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    almai is offline "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
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    Definitely need to talk to this guy about what he really wants. Communication is the key to any relationship.
    Although its nice for you to have someone around at the moment, you'll only get hurt if he leaves after the birth...

    He might be struggling with the idea of raising a baby that isn't biologically his but he also may come round to the idea and if he is there from the beginning and during birth then for him, it could be just as much his baby... Biology isn't everything...
    Maybe he is afraid that fob will come back into the picture and take back what is 'his' and leave 'now DP' with no legal ground to a baby he classes as his?

    It's a complex situation and you just need to talk to each other to work out what you all want... Soon enough a little babe will be thrown in the middle and things will become overwhelming.
    I hope you sort things out and get some clarity. You deserve love and support xxx

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  7. #15
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    He definitely has nothing to fear with fob lol. I suppose it's a bit late to be trying to talk to him about it tonight but I think when I'm back home ill talk about it. We vaguely spoke about it a few months ago but have only gotten closer since (which is where the most of the confusion has come from as that's when he said he didn't want anything to do with bub). Oh well I guess I'll just have to wait and see what he does now. Thanks girls I feel much clearer now that I've been able to blab on about it and sort through it a bit.


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  8. #16
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    Could he be worried that if the babies father does come back into your life he may lose you? Could you write off the babies dad for now agree to not put him on the BC and see if that makes your kinda DP more comfortable? I know that he may be feeling that you liked this guy enough to get pregnant (I know thats not logical but some people think this way) so he may lose you if the ex wants to be involved. There is prob a lot of uncertainty for your kinda DP. He really needs to be a DP or not a DP and you should talk to him and tell him this. Your not a toy he can play with then put in the closet until he wants to play again. This baby will need a father figure not a kinda father figure

  9. #17
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    Hun, you're in a crappy situation and I know first hand how you feel.

    You probably know most of my story by now....just had DS2 after exDH had an affair and left while I was pregnant. For ages I still wanted him back even after the way he treated me. I just didn't want to do this alone.

    I finally realised I'm better off without him - yes life is quite hard for me at the moment with 2 under 2 on my own. But if he had of come back, I wouldn't be happy & he would have not bern much help anyway. I'd never trust or respect him again either. I know that now.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes being on your own is better than being with someone that doesn't make you happy. Your 'kinda DP' is giving you no stability and flat out says he wants nothing to do with your baby. That's not what you or your bubba need in life right now. Tough call to make, but I say walk away. X

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  11. #18
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    Pesca's last paragraph sums up my sentiments.

    But also, there are an awful lot of people in relationships which aren't optimal.

    If your Dp had said openly and honestly that he cannot accept you with your baby then it sounds like there is only one way this relationship is likely to go...unless your Dp experiences a miraculous change of heart.

    This doesn't mean that you need to end your relationship with Dp right now though.

    You can wait till you are ready to end it....or you can wait until it naturally comes to its own conclusion.

    There are lots of different kinds of relationships but I wonder if you are happy to settle with your current Dp for now, even though in the longterm you both recognise that he cannot be the kind of partner that you need him to be. I guess this view/possibility may not be popular with a lot of people, in theory, but it is still an option. Do what you need to do to keep yourself ok...but when the baby comes along it will be a different matter I guess...to be honest though, there is nothing less attractive than a partner who does not think your baby is the most wonderful thing ever!! Goodluck
    Last edited by Albert01; 31-03-2013 at 13:13.

  12. #19
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    He's your on again/off again DP & he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. I don't see there being any stability in this situation for you & bub right now & I think that's what you need to concerntrate on - yourself & bub.


 

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