I'm not overly sure where to put this but yeah just having one of 'those' nights and mostly just need to blab on about it.
Most already know my story - knocked up to a guy who ditched us and has made a huge effort to have no communication with me which honestly doesn't bug me as much as my kinda sorta dp (different guy obviously). I'm feeling really crummy about my kinda sorta dp atm. He's my on again off again ex from before fob. The past two years we've been mostly off and arguing heaps until around the same time as fob was around. (A little preface - I left fob before I found out I was pregnant then he made a huge deal about the baby and me ruining his life and plans because I couldn't go through with a termination then he was always changing his mind about whether he wanted something to do with bub or not then after my morph scan at 18 weeks he changed his number, moved and blocked me on fb) I didn't leave fob for now kinda dp but dp and I fell into a really good groove at the same time, probably because I had the context of a guy who was horrible and then dp who really is a great guy just a bit lazy and moody (not really that bad, he suffers from depression so his moods just make him a recluse when he's getting low). He's been really good about my pregnancy but he is so confusing! He's really sweet and nice and generally thoughtful to me and in small amounts will listen to me talk about the baby but he also doesn't want anything to do with the baby so I don't understand why we're both being strung along if he keeps saying he wants nothing to do with bub? I know that the thought really hurts him and honestly I was really stupid/didn't think it was actually going to happen to me or that dp and I would ever be back to such a good relationship as we got to after the fob ordeal (I left him pretty much a couple days after I got knocked up. Sounds kinda bad but yeah so this is all in such a small time frame too). Dp and I live together too and these damn pregnancy hormones are making me crazy about him! I'm kind of clingy (I travel back to my dads often which is a few hours away from where I live with dp in a share house and when I'm gone I'm always missing him/wanting to text him etc. in fact that's where I am right now so perhaps that's why it's one of those nights).
Dp and I have had a couple conversations of living together in our own place rather than a share house when our current lease runs out next year but then I don't know if he's just saying that or if it's a bit true. We've lived together for three years now although the year before that he pretty much lived at my dads with me as well although he went back to his mums once a fortnight or so (I was still in high school, he had just left and was working) and I think that might be why he is still talking about moving with me because we both know no different?
I'm also wondering (hoping) he will stay around once baby is born but until then I hate this uncertainty as to whether him and I will get back together or whether he's going to leave as well! ARG. Is consistency too much to ask?! I've been told a lot to distance now from him but I still have that 'what if ' about whether we will stay considering how great he's been and the way I'm seeing things lately? (Meaning I'm not the selfish teenager I was during the majority of our relationship etc as we got together when I was 14, so we were both very young and still growing and now I'm seeing things with a much better perspective and really appreciating him and the extent of everything he does for me?)
I'm not really sure what I'm expecting in terms of replies or if I've made sense. I'm on my phone and my silly iPhone is too laggy for my typing speed these days (damn you iPhone 4 you're pooeyer than my iPhone 3!)
Sent from my talky stick