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  1. #1
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    Default Having one of 'those' nights

    I'm not overly sure where to put this but yeah just having one of 'those' nights and mostly just need to blab on about it.
    Most already know my story - knocked up to a guy who ditched us and has made a huge effort to have no communication with me which honestly doesn't bug me as much as my kinda sorta dp (different guy obviously). I'm feeling really crummy about my kinda sorta dp atm. He's my on again off again ex from before fob. The past two years we've been mostly off and arguing heaps until around the same time as fob was around. (A little preface - I left fob before I found out I was pregnant then he made a huge deal about the baby and me ruining his life and plans because I couldn't go through with a termination then he was always changing his mind about whether he wanted something to do with bub or not then after my morph scan at 18 weeks he changed his number, moved and blocked me on fb) I didn't leave fob for now kinda dp but dp and I fell into a really good groove at the same time, probably because I had the context of a guy who was horrible and then dp who really is a great guy just a bit lazy and moody (not really that bad, he suffers from depression so his moods just make him a recluse when he's getting low). He's been really good about my pregnancy but he is so confusing! He's really sweet and nice and generally thoughtful to me and in small amounts will listen to me talk about the baby but he also doesn't want anything to do with the baby so I don't understand why we're both being strung along if he keeps saying he wants nothing to do with bub? I know that the thought really hurts him and honestly I was really stupid/didn't think it was actually going to happen to me or that dp and I would ever be back to such a good relationship as we got to after the fob ordeal (I left him pretty much a couple days after I got knocked up. Sounds kinda bad but yeah so this is all in such a small time frame too). Dp and I live together too and these damn pregnancy hormones are making me crazy about him! I'm kind of clingy (I travel back to my dads often which is a few hours away from where I live with dp in a share house and when I'm gone I'm always missing him/wanting to text him etc. in fact that's where I am right now so perhaps that's why it's one of those nights).
    Dp and I have had a couple conversations of living together in our own place rather than a share house when our current lease runs out next year but then I don't know if he's just saying that or if it's a bit true. We've lived together for three years now although the year before that he pretty much lived at my dads with me as well although he went back to his mums once a fortnight or so (I was still in high school, he had just left and was working) and I think that might be why he is still talking about moving with me because we both know no different?
    I'm also wondering (hoping) he will stay around once baby is born but until then I hate this uncertainty as to whether him and I will get back together or whether he's going to leave as well! ARG. Is consistency too much to ask?! I've been told a lot to distance now from him but I still have that 'what if ' about whether we will stay considering how great he's been and the way I'm seeing things lately? (Meaning I'm not the selfish teenager I was during the majority of our relationship etc as we got together when I was 14, so we were both very young and still growing and now I'm seeing things with a much better perspective and really appreciating him and the extent of everything he does for me?)

    I'm not really sure what I'm expecting in terms of replies or if I've made sense. I'm on my phone and my silly iPhone is too laggy for my typing speed these days (damn you iPhone 4 you're pooeyer than my iPhone 3!)


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  2. #2
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    Hugs, sorry ur in this position.

    Reading your post, the thing that sticks out for me is him saying he doesn't want anything to do with bub-that would really concern me....

    Could u guys do counseling?

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    Being in limbo sucks!

    I think if I was in your situation, I would be laying it all out on the table. Tell dp your plans for the future (for you and bub) as well as your expectations of the relationship. I couldn't cope with an on again-off again relationship with a new baby, so I would either want a solid relationship or nothing.

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  5. #4
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    I hate councilors :/ haha. I understand why he doesn't want anything to do with bub (being the whole complicated ex relationship sort of thing so the idea that I was with another man and carrying that mans spawn) but then his actions are so opposite! He's even come to a baby shop with me before and had a look around just because he thought Id like it.
    I think men are more confusing than women! D:
    I did just give him a call though and am feeling much better but am still so confused with this limbo relationship.


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    Sorry if this offends you, but do you think he won't commit because you're both just hanging onto the past, not really sure if it will even work?

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    I'm not really sure, that's definitely one thought I'm having but then maybe he won't commit because he doesn't know how he will handle the baby? He might just not want commitment either. He's not the easiest to talk to about this stuff, no matter what angle I come at he always gets really defensive and I'm also a bit scared of changing things too because of these wild pregnancy hormones ill probably go crazier than I would with normal hormones... And in my share house I can't just buy a cat and settle with being the crazy cat lady D:


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    I think you would be more relaxed knowing he's committed to you because you wouldn't be stressing so much about whether or not he really wants to be with you, if that makes sense.

    I can understand him being worried about committing to the baby, but I think given the history of your relationship and the fact that you already live together (albeit in a share house, possibly in seperate rooms?) if he isn't willing to commit now, when would he be? Sorry, that's just the way I would look at it for myself, I just think stability is so important for little people and on again-off again would get confusing... Not to mention, your emotions with the uncertainty of it all.

    Haha why do so many people have a dislike for cats?!

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    You've been referring to this guy as your 'kinda DP' for quite some time now... that really wouldn't be good enough for me. Either he's your DP, or he's not. You're just about to have a baby, you need certainty in your life.
    I say cut this 'relationship' off with him, just be housemates for now I guess if that's where you have to be. DON'T move out with him, doesn't sound like that would end well, and that's the last thing you need with a new baby.

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    I really do want stability and to know but I don't think I'm going to know until baby is here in which case I probably won't let him be so confusing with our relationship (I hear I will barely have energy to do normal things let alone worry over my relationships haha ill need that last bit of energy to try and pass next semester of uni). In our share house it's rented by rooms but his room has his computer and he sleeps in mine with me (so that will definitely have to change if he doesn't want to be around with bubs because shell be sleeping in there with me lol).
    I've now forgotten what else you said >__< but yeah I definitely see where you're coming from. Am I being naive thinking he might stay once he sees bubs and stuff? D:

    Haha I don't know cats are amazing! Dad has two at his place and my landlord has a couple as well but one of my other housemates is asthmatic and allergic to them so Hmph can't have one


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  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    You've been referring to this guy as your 'kinda DP' for quite some time now... that really wouldn't be good enough for me. Either he's your DP, or he's not. You're just about to have a baby, you need certainty in your life.
    It's really only this forum where he's kinda dp (everywhere else he's by his first name and not under a real relationship title). Now that I think about it though it does seem a little ridiculous lol. I see where you're coming from too. I suppose I should have another proper talk with him about it but it will probably stay like it is for a while more. It's comfortable while I don't have the baby, but so confusing for once I do have bub that I want to know which way it's going to go if you know what I mean?



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