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  1. #1
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    Default Toilet training advice needed

    DD is 2yrs 9mths. I haven't put much time into attempts to TT her just yet, but have had a few sporadic goes that have (so far) made me suspect that she hasn't been ready.

    Today I promised her a special treat if she could go on the potty or toilet (she'll sit on both, but never does anything on them). She immediately sat on the potty and did a wee. Woo hoo! I gave her a treat, and she was so excited that she sat back on and did another wee. All going awesomely!

    Then in the space of about an hour, she did about 5 wees on the floor, and 1 poo on the floor too! This was despite me reminding her to sit on the potty every 5-10 mins, and her sitting on it each time but declaring she didn't need to go. (And then having an accident almost immediately afterwards...) She was very distracted during this period, as she was playing with her toys and in that 'zone'. She also seemed to have lost interest in the potty or treats, and told me she didn't want any treats and she was 'busy playing'.

    So... signs that make me think she IS ready:

    She's very verbal, and can talk/ understand very well.
    She sometimes asks for her nappy to be changed when she's been.
    Long periods of the nappy being dry before she goes.

    Signs that make me wonder if maybe she's NOT ready:

    6 accidents in one hour?!! How is it possible to do that many wees in an hour?
    She doesn't seem to care. After having an accident she will turn to me and say "Never mind, Mummy. It's just an accident." Good that she's not upset/ traumatised by it, but also indicates she isn't at all bothered.
    She can only be motivated by the promise of a reward for a very short time - after which time she seems to lose interest and declares she doesn't want it.
    She's very strong willed and it's hard to get her interested.
    Once she's doing something then she's VERY distracted/ busy and accidents happen.

    Help?!!

    Not sure where I go from here. For how long do I keep trying? I know people say to get rid of nappies completely, but I can't keep clearing up that many accidents all day every day. We're normally out a LOT and I'm trying to make more time at home so we can do this, but I'm worried about persisting if she's just not ready.

    I have another baby due in about 10 weeks, so was hoping we would be all done by then, but am not so sure now!

    I'm really at a loss. Most of the stuff I read is about how not to upset/ traumatise your child while TT. It doesn't say much about children who don't really seem to care too much about TT!

  2. #2
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    Hmm sounds like a tough one GirlX! My only suggestion would be to put it off for another couple of weeks even wait until she's closer to 3. When I first tried my DS around that age he wasn't bothered by accidents either. I decided to give it a little more time and waited until he was past 3 (maybe 3yrs 3 months or so). By then he was much more concerned with accidents and hated having wet pants. That worked for me and he was dry in the daytime in a matter of weeks (nights were different).

    Maybe just continue to remind her to have a go on the toilet or potty and see what happens. I know for my DS his biggest thrill was flushing the toilet!!! The promise of a flush made him go every time.

    Good luck, I know it must be an anxious time with bub on the way. Give her a little time and hopefully she will surprise you!

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  4. #3
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    I'd persist for a few days. The first is always the worst! I'd sit her on the toilet every 15 mins. Doesn't matter whether she goes or not, I'd be popping her on anyways. If the boys did something I'd leave then for longer (say an hour), then go back to every 15 until they went again. Day 2 we'd do every 30-45 mins, then by day 3 it'd be every hour. When the boys were ready, they'd just 'get' it by mid day 2/3. I tried once a month for 3 days for several month (starting at 2) and something just clicked for them both at 2.5.
    The first day there was accidents galore, by day 2 there were half that amount (like a handful or less) and by day 3 they were pretty much dry. After that, apart from the random accident, they were TTD.

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  6. #4
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    I think you have missed the boat to be honest. Your dd is roughly the same age as my dd1 and this time last year we TT dd1.

    There are HEAPS of accidents on the first day. You need to watch her like a hawk and when she pauses to wee - that's when you rush to the loo. Its not the reminding that matters but the actual going. Tell her to hold on as you go to the toilet.

    Every half hour put her on the loo and read her a book till something happens. Then praise and repeat in half hour. I used to sing rhymes to keep dd1 on the loo.

    She is weeing so frequently cos her natural ability to hold urine in her bladder has been overruled by the presence of a nappy.

    I understand that its hard as I too was pregnant when this was all happening. This time round we are starting dd2 now at 9mths cos its so much easier.

    Bright bots in Stafford Brisbane sell great training pants.

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  8. #5
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    Some kids aren't motivated by praise or gifts or whatever and will just do it when they are ready for the reward of doing it and feeling good. Keep exposing her to potty, nickers etc. Ask if she wants to wear nickers or a nappy. after 2 wees (or whatever your number is/when you think she has lost focus) suggest she wears a nappy and you can try again the next day.

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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Then in the space of about an hour, she did about 5 wees on the floor, and 1 poo on the floor too! This was despite me reminding her to sit on the potty every 5-10 mins, and her sitting on it each time but declaring she didn't need to go. (And then having an accident almost immediately afterwards...) !
    Ok. She is ready for TT. Her body knows to go to the toilet as its voiding soon after sitting down. You need to keep her on the toilet long enough for her muscles to relax and let it all out. Start singing or reading those books girl x.

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  12. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I think you have missed the boat to be honest. Your dd is roughly the same age as my dd1 and this time last year we TT dd1.
    Thanks for all the answers so far.

    I'm not sure I agree that we've missed the boat, as up until fairly recently she seemed to have no idea that she was about to go. She would always have an accident and then seem really surprised, saying "I did a wee!" Up until today she would insist on nappies too - asking them to be put back on, as soon as we tried putting her in knickers or with nothing on. She's at a playgroup with a lot of other kids the same age as her, and so far only 1 (out of about 15 I can think of) is TT. I know it's definitely possible at a younger age, but I don't think she was ready before.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    Ok. She is ready for TT. Her body knows to go to the toilet as its voiding soon after sitting down. You need to keep her on the toilet long enough for her muscles to relax and let it all out. Start singing or reading those books girl x.
    I agree she's probably ready now though! So you don't think that her going so many times in such a short space of time is a 'bad' sign? I was worried that it meant she was doing lots of little wees (or continuously leaking) rather than holding on and then doing proper ones. It's only recently that her nappies have had periods of being dry during the day, as up until then I think she was pretty continuously leaking (IYKWIM) instead of doing a 'proper' wee, IYKWIM!

    I've tried with her sitting on the potty/ toilet with books, singing, etc., but she got frustrated with it and I read somewhere that it (that technique) wasn't so good if the child didn't 'go' and instead got annoyed by it. I was hopeful today, when she used it twice of her own volition (with verbal prompts by me), but then there were so many accidents straight afterwards that I wasn't sure where to go from there...

    Really appreciate all the advice so far, and open to more!

    I've tried her in knickers she likes previously, but found that she continually wet them and then asked for a nappy back on. So today I thought I'd try her with nothing on the bottom half - which worked until she got distracted with playing!

  13. #8
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    Yep, there'll be lots of accidents for the first day or two, even 6 in an hour. It's normal. Her body just expells urine whenever it's there, she's never had to hold it so her body doesn't know how to. You have to watch carefully and scoop the off race them to the toilet and say something like "UH OH!! HOLD ON!" and then "YAY we made it to the toilet!" sort of thing. Not just wait till there's pee on the floor and say, oh no, nevermind it's just an accident. You've got to watch like a hawk and catch it every single time.

    I never actually made Hayden sit on the toilet for extended periods though, I would ask him if he needed to go constantly, like every 5-10 minutes but never just took him and made him sit there. We only went when he said he needed to or I caught him at it, or just before going out.

    We are a very very busy family here and go out non stop, we are never ever at home, so when you're going to do it you REALLY need to choose a time wisely and devote a few days to nothing but toilet training. My daughter was 3 months old when I started toilet training DS.

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  15. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    Yep, there'll be lots of accidents for the first day or two, even 6 in an hour. It's normal. Her body just expells urine whenever it's there, she's never had to hold it so her body doesn't know how to. You have to watch carefully and scoop the off race them to the toilet and say something like "UH OH!! HOLD ON!" and then "YAY we made it to the toilet!" sort of thing. Not just wait till there's pee on the floor and say, oh no, nevermind it's just an accident. You've got to watch like a hawk and catch it every single time.
    I think that's where I went wrong today.

    I'd assumed that because she did 2 wees (in the potty), then she wouldn't need to go for at least 15-20mins. And then after the first accident - which happened about 5 mins after the 2nd wee on the potty - I thought that there was no way she would need to go again for ages. And repeat. A million times.

    And with the poo, I knew she needed to do one as she'd been giving those signs, but I'd literally got her to sit on the potty about 30 seconds before she did it on the floor. She'd sat there and said she couldn't go, so I said okay, she went back to her train set that she was playing with and it happened. It was almost instant! I just couldn't believe how much could come out in such a short space of time... Need to be more prepared next time!

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    hahah yep, that first day it is CONSTANT like non stop, pee and poo all day long. It's like neverending.

    I don't think you've missed the boat with her age or anything like that, but I do think that for SOME kids earlier is easier than later as their bodies just get used to going whenever wherever and it's harder to change that the older they get. It's just some kids, they're all completely different.

    My kids have been at the COMPLETE opposite end of the spectrum with toilet training. Hayden yes was trained early at 22 months, but he seriously had no idea and I had to really put in an effort. He had no idea how to hold on or feel he was going at all whatsoever, where Mikayla knew at 18 months when she needed to pee or poo and could hold on and wait for the toilet and WANTED to do it.

    Other friends I know's kids get to like 2.5years and say "I don't want to wear nappies anymore" and just all of a sudden are trained as if they always had been.

    Other frieds kids are 4 and they are still not even anywhere near close to being trained.

    Different stroked for different folks, but this method worked for me and I think it will for you and your daughter too, but the first day is tough.

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