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  1. #1
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    Default Tell me about controlled crying

    I know this can be an emotive topic but I'd like to hear from people who have used it. What exactly does it involve? Did it work for you? And for the anti-CC people, why do you object to it?

    DS is 7.5 months and has slept through since a couple of months old, self-settled without any "training", never had a dummy and always woke up smiling in the mornings. A run of unfortunate circumstances meant that at six months he started waking - vaccination side-effects, growth spurt, starting solids, rolling, a cold, first two teeth, some travelling - everything all combined at once and we ended up giving him a dummy when we couldn't settle him any other way. He's now waking crying many times per night (8 times last night) and looking for the dummy which I don't want to keep having to put back in. It's driving me crazy and DH and I are both a wreck. He also nearly always cries when he wakes now. I'm at my wits end and looking at CC as an option.

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    I am anti-CC but I really feel for you! It must be really awful having your bubba wake up crying in the night. We have been extremely lucky with our little girl that she is a great night sleeper, never wakes up crying, but I believe this is partly due to the fact that I bedshare with her, so when she wakes in the night, she just rolls over to me and I feed her back to sleep in a matter of minutes. She generally wakes between 3 and 6 times a night, but I never feel sleep deprived because I don't actually have to get up or wake up properly. As for CC, i am against it because I believe that babies cry for a reason, and if your bub cries in the night it means they want you, for a cuddle or a feed or a nappy change. They never "lie" when they cry, they are communicating and I believe it's important to reward communication, rather than punish or ignore it. Babies are so helpless and rely on us completely for all of their needs, so I believe we must meet those needs whenever we can. (And let's face it, babies have pretty simple needs). I don't think crying out for a parent who isn't there is good for a baby, I think it creates trust issues, which apart from feeling crummy for the baby, can have implications later in life.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to InWatermelonSugar For This Useful Post:

    Amiedoll  (28-03-2013),Sarelou  (28-03-2013)

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    i tried it but it didn't work... my dd worked herself up so much that she would vomit, shes now 4 and still wakes constantly thru the night.. i hope you find something that works tho. what about a night light with music?

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    I followed a book called The Sleepeasy Solution. Like you, I was at my wits' end when my amazing sleeper started waking every 1.5-2 hours for a dummy.

    Things that I learnt about controlled crying:
    - It's not easy.
    - all authors who write about it claim it is the quickest method to teach a child to self settle. That may be the case, but I will tell you that the minutes that you sit outside your baby's room, not going in as they are crying, are the longest minutes you will experience.
    - you need to be committed to it. It is totally unfair on your baby, yourself and your partner if you start it for a couple of days, then give up. There is no point putting yourself through the first couple of nights which can be so so hard, if you don't follow it through to completion.
    - it's not a foolproof way for your baby to sleep peacefully for the rest of their childhood. My bub now self settles within minutes of being placed in his cot wide awake, but as of the past week, we are struggling with bedtime again and also with early wakings. 2 weeks ago he was sleeping 11-12 hours straight through the night.
    - you need to be 100% certain that there is nothing else contributing to their waking/crying. Even though we checked nappy, temperature, hunger, bedding before popping bub in on those first few nights, I found myself questioning whether he really was crying for a need to be met.

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    Oh and I forgot to say - all the best if you decide to go with it xxx

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    I think that's too young... I think when they are older then you can do some sleep training and it annoys them but doesn't distress them. It's all very dependent on the particular child too.

    At that age I would be feeling that there's a particular factor causing them to wake so better to respond (ie pain from teething, brain undergoing change due to crawling, etc)

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    Didnt work for us. He was 13 months old.

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    I did control crying with the twins, and I've haven't done it with the other two. It is difficult, and I was lucky because we had a nanny at the time to help me through, it is hard listening to your baby cry, not to mention having to go in, pat their bum and then walk out again - not sure if I would have been able to do it if I was on my own as I had another newborn who needed me too.

    It was hard going, but it was worth it for us, it isn't for everyone. The only reason we decided to go down that route, was because one of the twins screamed 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and If we hadn't done it, I would never had any time with my other newborn and my other child.

    They both sleep really well now, and my youngest who I didn't control cry at all, still gets up and decides its play time at 2 in the morning.

    I agree with PP though, make sure you know there are no other reasons why your bubs is crying, wet, hungry etc etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    I don't support it (but understand and sympathise when people feel the need to do it). I personally don't think it is optimal for longterm good mental health for babies and think it does damage to the mother/infant bond as well as going against our natural instincts. Biologically I believe there is a good reason why it is such a hard and difficult thing to do to our children emotionally and physically.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I think that's too young... I think when they are older then you can do some sleep training and it annoys them but doesn't distress them. It's all very dependent on the particular child too.

    At that age I would be feeling that there's a particular factor causing them to wake so better to respond (ie pain from teething, brain undergoing change due to crawling, etc)
    I'm anti CC as I know the nights I've cried to sleep as an adult were not restful nights at all. I'm especially against CC under 12mths old. My dd1 woke 1-3 hrly overnight from 6-9mths so I do understand your pain.

    Is co sleeping an option? I find both my girls sleep marvelously when in our room.

    Have you tried putting loads of dummies in the cot? I keep 4-6 dummies in the cot and dd2 can find them easily overnight. You can get glow in the dark ones too!

    Good luck

  12. #10
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    I did CC of sorts with my 1st child when I was at my wits end...I didnt actually leave the room, but I didn't pick her up, just did shush/pat sitting next to her cot. When she cried I patted, when she stopped crying I removed my hand. It was terribly hard for the first couple of nights, but it worked. I really felt I HAD to do it, as I had tried everything else and simply couldn't go on as I was. She slept beautifully after, she didnt "sleep through" but when she woke it was because she needed something, not just because I wasn't holding her ever 1-2hrs.

    With subsequent bubs I started gently teaching to self-settle away from me MUCH earlier (about 6wks). There was no crying or distress, and it is the best thing I ever did! None of them have slept through from an early age, but I don't expect that - I just wanted to be able to get a block of 3-4hrs sleep a night!


 

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