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  1. #1
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    Default Seriously lost - please help!!

    Ok. Our entire story.

    DD is 2y 8m. She has never been a great sleeper.

    One year ago her father and I separated. I live at home with my Mother now, in a 4 bedroom home with my 2 brothers (19 & 21) and my brothers girfriend. DD and I have no choice but to share a bedroom, and a bed.

    Her father and I have 50/50 shared care. At his house she has her own room and bed, etc. He has every single thing that we had in our house, everything I have I had to scrounge for, or buy second hand. I have no means to get a house of my own and have tried sharing and it beyond didn't work.

    DD is still sleeping awfully. We have a rough routine which is fine, but varies when she doesn't "go along" with it. Which is most days. Dinner is roughly 6pm, shower at 6.30ish, quiet play until 7.30ish then bed.

    Her father has her Wed night through until Saturday/Sunday afternoons (alternates each fortnight).

    My problem is, at LEAST one night out of every block, we have a night of hysterical whinging/crying/refusal to sleep until at least 11pm. It gets as bad as every night some weeks. This week has been good - until tonight.

    Half of my issue is my f***ing mother, who decides coming in and trying to parent DD will make things better. I'm so damn sick of it but there IS NO TALKING to this woman. No reasoning, no "Maybe thats not the best approach", no "Hey, back off". I'm the one to blame, it's my fault DD does this because I let her.

    My main question is WHAT DO I DO? When she is hysterical and upset, what do I do? I don't agree with, or feel right, locking her in the bedroom screaming because she HATES having the door shut. I also can't just let her run around because she will NOT just wear herself out, she would go all night if I let her.

    She works herself up to the point of almost vomiting. I'm at a loss. I'm at the point where I'm honestly beginning to believe maybe she'd be better off if I just gave her to her father full time because that's what an awful job I am doing.

    ETA: I don't live with my OH, we're in a long distance relationship.

  2. #2
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    oh hugs, hun don't be too hard on yourself... have you tried putting a lamp on or night light in the room? or even one of those pillow pet night lights? they are cute, they light up with stars all over the ceiling... what about story book in bed then explain it's bedtime after story time? does she have a special bear she sleeps with?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    oh hugs, hun don't be too hard on yourself... have you tried putting a lamp on or night light in the room? or even one of those pillow pet night lights? they are cute, they light up with stars all over the ceiling... what about story book in bed then explain it's bedtime after story time? does she have a special bear she sleeps with?
    Thanks for the reply!

    I do leave the door open with the hallway light on so she has plenty of light. SHe has 2 "Raa Raa's" that she sleeps with (just 2 toy lions) every night. We've tried books, etc, but it seems to just hype her up. We normally watch nursery rhymes or play educational games quietly then she has some milk then in to bed. Some days its amazing and she'll go to sleep perfectly, then random nights with no apparent cause, she just refuses to sleep. I don't known whats upsetting her, but something is definitely getting to her because she really upsets herself.

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    that sounds really hard.

    Is she still having a day sleep?

    Have you tried keeping a rough food diary, maybe something in her diet is affecting her on these days?

    Can you lie quietly next to her (with the door shut so your mum cant get involved!) until she is deeply asleep and then sneak out?

    Does she do this at dads house?

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    Can you speak to your ex and see what her sleep is like there? See what her bedtime routine is like there are well and you can try to keep it consistent accross houses?

    As for your mum if it were me I would tell her I appreciate her providing a home but you are the parent and having someone else step in confuses the messages your daughter is getting. Also, you don't want your mother to have to take on the extra workload. If she continues to but in call her out on it "Mum, I've got it covered, please go make yourself a cuppa." If she tries to pull the "it's my house my rules" card then that is just being a control freak so I would tell her to F off and try your best to get your own place (surely with government assistance you can either get a 1-2 bedroom government house or private rental?)

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 27-03-2013 at 05:51.

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    Firstly speak to her dad & find out about her sleep patterns with him. It may simply be that she feels comfortable there because all of her things are there etc.

    We went through the same thing when we moved with our son. We moved quite a distance with him & it screwed him up for a long time. I don't want to scare you but you need to know you aren't alone but it also maybe something that isn't going to resolve overnight.

    Our son only settled when we moved into a new house (so old house up north, then into a rental down here that he didn't know, then into our new place). When we were looking at our new place, we brought him with & got him to pick a room, got him completely involved in the process & explained that this is our new place & we will never be going back to our original home up north.

    I wonder if she is getting confused.

    Maybe your ex can give you some of the things that make a place "home".

    But I think you need to get into some accom if your own, for the both of your sakes & go from there.

    In the meantime just settle her with love & care.

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    Have you tried going to bed when she does?

  8. #8
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    Thanks all - the food diary might be a good idea. She did have a couple of little Easter eggs last night.

    She sleeps wonderfully for him, but I'd just gotten her in to a routine when I left so I think she's still comfortable there.

    Unfortunately laying with her doesn't work most of the time as she'll think it's play time. Or she'll lay her head on my chest and look like she's about to sleep, then roll over, then roll again, and before I know it she's bouncing on the bed.


 

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