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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    You aren't to blame for what happened. Neither may they be. I bet the words you said are playing over and over in her head right now though... So I would stay away for a while. Don't make their loss about your guilt.
    I agree. This has nothing to do with you. they will be in hell right now and probably have no memory of the conversation. Don't make it about you. By your own admission you don't know these people so let it go and it's a hard lesson for next time.

    Seriously - getting into a FB fight - I am sooo glad I cancelled my account years ago.

  2. #12
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    While I agree with you about smoking with pregnancy, it's probably not your place to comment and especially on Facebook. You dont know her life story and She may have cut down or tried stopping ect after falling pregnant. So have a screaming match on FB wouldn't have solved or changed anything.

    Her loss is something completely out of your control and nothing you said would have changed the outcome of this terrible tragedy. Maybe give them space and send them a message sending your condolences. I don't think an apology to remind them of the FB fight would do anyone any good.

    Goodluck. And may the beautiful angel baby rest in peace.

  3. #13
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    Personally I would leave it and not say anything.
    But then again, how do you know her?? If she was an old friend from the past, leave it, but I'm not so sure if it's someone you'll see again in the future. ( friends gatherings etc)

    Opps sorry, I just re- read your opening post.

  4. #14
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    Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions, if a pregnant woman wants to smoke than that is her decision, I don't think people need to point out to smoking pregnant women that smoking is bad anymore.. I mean really, with all the health warnings out nowadays it's a little hard to miss (it is on the packets they smoke for gods sake) but who am I to know what goes on in their lives.
    Personally I would never of said something to the Facebook stranger in the first place, if she was my best friend or sister then I might voice my concern but certainly not to a stranger or mutual friend.

    The lady was about to be induced, if she had been smoking her entire pregnancy I think it was a little late for you to start the whole anti-smoking campaign, did you really think a Facebook fight with her partner over her recreational activities whilst in labour was going to help improve her unborn child's health...
    Perhaps sending her a private inbox message with some information to quit or how to overcome her addiction for once bub was born would have been a better approach, and I'm sure it would have left you feeling differently now.

    Personally if I was you I would not contact her and learn from this mistake.
    to not ridicule others choices, especially a strangers, in future.

    It is however impossible for your opinion to have caused any harm to the child.
    It wasn't your fault this happened, and it might have not been the mothers smoking that caused it either.
    Just lay the whole experience to rest, let the family mourn and remember to voice your opinions and concerns more delicately in the future.

    *edited for typo*
    Last edited by Liddybugs; 24-03-2013 at 22:38.

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  6. #15
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    How do you even know her status was meaning she has continued to smoke?? Her post may have been indicating she has done the right thing for 9 mths and can't wait for one after bub arrived.....

    But no you didn't jinx it, it's a horrible situation and you contacting them now would be for your benefit, not theirs. I'd leave it OP & try to forgive yourself.

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  8. #16
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    I wouldn't want to be reminded of that conversation after losing my child, no matter how or why it happened. How heartbreaking for them.

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  10. #17
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    You didn't cause this. But this was the wrong thing to do to someone about to go through birth, when you need to be in the best frame of mind possible.

    I also would have interpreted it as meaning she can't wait til the baby is born so she can smoke, but perhaps I'm naive. Apparently 1 in 4 pregnant women smoke according to the results of a study I saw somewhere (news?) a few months ago.

    It is a horrible thing to happen. But you didn't contribute to the little bub passing away.

  11. #18
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    And I agree don't message her.

  12. #19
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    I agree with those who have suggested that you refrain from contacting the mother and the father.

    As much as you would intend otherwise any message that you send now may seem hollow and it may cause more sorrow and anger for them and it would not alleviate any guilt that you feel.

    I do not think that you should feel any guilt and there is no way that your words caused the child's death.

    I think that you have probably learned something from what has happened and that you may think before commenting on things in the future, and perhaps that is a good thing as we all can do with thinking about giving out opinion before actually voicing it.

  13. #20
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    I don't get why people are 'friends'' with people on facebook they don't really know.. ? Personally OP, I would just leave it be. You didn't jinx her. Don't be too hard on yourself.


 

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