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  1. #1
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    Default *Trigger topic* feeling really bad about something i said.

    So long story short, a woman(I didn't know personally) on my Facebook has 3 kids (they were taken away), was pregnant. She was to be induced. She posted a status update " can't wait for a f$@king smoke" she was at the hospital waiting to be induced later that morning.
    I am very against smoking while pregnant. (I'm sorry but I just am)
    So I commented "I think there is nothing more disgusting than seeing a pregnant woman smoking even more so while they're at the hospital being induced".

    Now forgive me if im wrong BUT wouldn't you have thought you might have seen a "I can't wait to meet my baby boy" status?

    So this turned in to a slinging match with her partner and I. Him saying things like "go spend time with your kids, I bet you don't know who the fathers are" and him calling me names and what not and me saying things like "how can you even put your own unborn child's health at risk"
    The kids were in bed as it was 8pm and I am married to the father of all my kids, and I don't actually know this man.

    Well I recently heard that their baby passed away just after birth. I don't know what it was from as I blocked them shortly after this incident.

    I feel terrible. No one no matter how or who they are deserves that. Ever. I just can't imagine it. I just gahhhh!
    Immediately I felt so much disgust in myself! Now I just feel terrible. I can't even imagine how that would feel.

    I'm not looking for a pity party but more just reassurance that I .... I don't know, that I didn't jinx it, as awful as that seems.

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    If you feel bad then maybe instead of coming here for reassurance you should contact the parents and apologise to them for both their loss and the things that you said.

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  4. #3
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    OP I think it's completely natural to feel as you do, but no you didn't jinx this baby.

    It is such a horrible thing for anyone to go through and I am sure the last thing on their minds are your words.

    Try not to beat yourself up.

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  6. #4
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    You didn't cause this. In all honesty I imagine your comments are the far from their mind right now. Give them space and leave it be.

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    I don't think that they would be thinking about you or what you said at all right now.

    Just take it as a very hard lesson in minding your own business and not being so judgemental.

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    While it sounds as though it was a fairly ugly FB convo, you are in no way responsible for this tragedy. I personally wouldn't try to make amends, just try and let it go.

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  11. #7
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Id send her a message offering my condolences and would be making up some excuse (family problems, extra stress, PMS if need be) for feeling the need to say the un-needed comments in the first place.

    ETA: Actually, the more I read other peoples points about not contacting them, the more that option seems to make sense. I change my advice to just letting it go and taking it as a lesson learnt.
    Last edited by London; 24-03-2013 at 23:30.

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    I don't really understand why people
    comment on people's status updates when they don't know the person.

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    Meh I am going against the crowd. You said what you thought was right - smoking while pregnant is dangerous. I personally wouldn't say something for fear of the mud slinging you got bit I respect that you had the nerve to. You said the truth and nothing insulting. Now if you said something along the lines of "I hope something happens to your baby" then absolutely you have every reason to feel bad but you didn't say that.

    You didn't jinx it - its just very sad. If you feel like you need to ease your conscience or you feel the need to apologise maybe send a "sorry it got heated before however I was really sad to hear of your baby boy"

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    You aren't to blame for what happened. Neither may they be. I bet the words you said are playing over and over in her head right now though... So I would stay away for a while. Don't make their loss about your guilt.

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