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  1. #11
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    I don't see the big deal about them babysitting? Did they hurt your children?

    It sucks having uninterested parents, but at least they did babysit.

  2. #12
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    I could almost write this post myself. My mum and I have a similar relationship. We no longer ask her to babysit unless we are absolutely desperate. I'm on edge the whole time worrying if she's lost it with them. And it's really sad because they love her so much and love spending time at her house.

    We get along better if I limit how much time we spend with her and how much she has them when I'm not around. I bite my tongue a lot and *try* to take the things she says with a grain of salt.

    I feel so sad and angry when I see/hear of grandparents who want nothing more than to support and spend time with their grandchildren.

    I should add that my mum lives a 1 minute drive away...she never comes around as she's too busy.

  3. #13
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    My situation with my parents is very similar. Which is why I never ask them to baby sit anymore. They show little interest or patience so I keep my distance and only really see them on special occasions for a dinner or something.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I don't see the big deal about them babysitting? Did they hurt your children?

    It sucks having uninterested parents, but at least they did babysit.
    I'm not complaining about the babysitting, I'm hurt at the disinterest & history repeating itself.

    No they didn't physically hurt my children.

    And it's not like I expect them to look after my children all the time. This is the first time they've had them sleep over in 3.5yrs.

    And the first time in 12mths where I e asked them to look after them.

    Hubby & I have no social life without children & although I would never off load my kids frequently so we can go socialise without Children it would be nice even just to be able to go out for a quick dinner as a couple even once every 3mths or so. It's not like my parents have to travel, they live 500m away.

  5. #15
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    I just feel physically sick over it.

    I wish they realised how much they ****ed me up.

  6. #16
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    I wouldn't ask them to babysit again. I know you want them to enjoy it, cherish it, welcome it, and it's normal for you to do so. But they clearly don't, and you will only end up hurt and frustrated. As they get older your children will feel the resentment, and you can't put them in that situation.

    I would find a babysitter and make a point of using them as regularly as you can afford to. Go out to dinner without worrying about the fallout. Don't rub it in your parents' faces, but don't hide it from them either. If they're used to being held in high regard publicly then they might even feel a little well-deserved shame.

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    I'm in a similar place with my mum. Growing up lets just say she wasn't a good parent. I was always jealous of my mates mums who didn't constantly scream at them, call them names and show complete disinterest in favour of worrying about their dysfunctional relationships with men. Thankfully my mother lives hours away but she came down recently and her treatment of my son was terrible.

    I wouldn't be having her babysit again. No she didn't hit them, but clearly she doesn't want to babysit or enjoy it so why do that to your kids. They will notice, if they haven't already, that your parents have little interest and see them as an inconvenience. I know it's hard bc you get no adult time. My DH's family are completely disinterested as well, so I think in 6 years they have been babysat twice by them.

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    Well they just dropped by to drop off DVDs hubby accidentally forgot to pick up when collecting the kids.

    Dad barely spoke, I could tell her was SUPER ****ed off. And mum had a five minute chat before dad demanded that they leave, they had to go to a charity event for a poor local girl with cancer.

    And I don't mean any disrespect to the girl with cancer but seriously if it was me with cancer my parents wouldn't even be there to help while I had chemo let alone give a fortune!

    FML - they only do things that get them noticed for being "nice, lovely citizens". Well hopefully all their socialite friends visit them in their nursing homes cause I'm to the point I flipping won't.

  10. #19
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    I think it makes sense that you're hurt. I would be too.

    I think though, you've perhaps set yourself up for the disappointment by expecting them to change who they are because you've given them grandchildren. I'm not saying this to be a b*tch and blame you for how you feel... but more, perhaps it would hurt less if you didn't expect this kind of thing from them? They've never indicated that they would be good grandparents, but you've hoped they would be... and I get how easy it is to do, but I feel it's probably like a woman hoping and wishing her immature lazy bf would grow up and start behaving like a responsible adult... it's all good to want that, but if he's never given you any indication that he WANTS to be a responsible adult and stop being immature and lazy, why set yourself up for disappointment by expecting that things "might actually change," this time?

    I don't agree with simply cutting people from your life because they're not 100% who you want them to be - so I won't suggest that. But perhaps accepting that they're just not exactly the type of people you can rely on, or who will get excited at the thought of spending time with their grandchildren etc... it might mean for less heartache in the future.

    My father isn't one I rely on. He bothers me, but he's mostly harmless, so I haven't ever cut him out. He's never done some horrible thing that required "cutting off completely," he's just not the kind of father or grandfather I wish he could be, and is very selfish and annoying... but just accepting that has meant my life is a lot easier. He can still see DD if he so wishes, but I don't go out of my way to organise anything. Nobody is set up for disappointment because I've accepted he is just the way he is, and nothing is going ot change that... and it's kind of let me "let go," of the idea of the person he COULD be and just move on and stop feeling badly about how it IS.

    Anyway, just my suggestion anyway. You kids should grow up fine without them playing an active role in their life. I've never felt anything negative from not having lots of time with my grandparents...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Some people just aren't naturally interested in parenting or kids. I wouldn't ask them to babysit again. I know it's hard not to compare - we live interstate from my parents and inlaws and my parents visit as often as they can whereas my inlaws don't ever visit. I am surrounded by people whose parents and inlaws look after their kids all the time and take them for sleepovers whereas my inlaws have never babysat for us - not once. It's really hard to not be disappointed, but we've just had to let it go as getting frustrated or upset doesn't change anything.

    Sorry you feel this way.
    This


 

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