+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    2,478
    Thanks
    179
    Thanked
    784
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default What do you do with an unbearable attitude?

    So DD is 4 almost 5 and lately her attitude is just unbearable. She can be so nasty. She just took the iPad of her sister and wouldn't give it back and when I took it off her she started to kick me. She then told me I was "a rude little pig". I put her in quiet time ( our version of time out). Apart from quiet time and losing privileges (like iPad etc) I don't know what to do??

    I took the 3 girls out to a fete and she complained the whole time. In the end I just had to leave and she screamed/cried the whole way back to the car. It's getting to the point where I don't want to do anything with her unless DH is with me to help with her.

    I blame myself a lot for her behaviour because I always felt sorry for her because I wasn't with her dad so felt like I had to compensate so she was quite spoilt. It has backfired on me now

    Will she ever be sweet again??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Penrith
    Posts
    5,261
    Thanks
    1,742
    Thanked
    524
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Subbing!!

    I take things away and use time out too.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,687
    Thanks
    259
    Thanked
    182
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    *hugs*
    I could of written the exact same even the part about not being with her father and trying to over compensate, except my dd is 5 almost 6 and these last few weeks she is horrible.
    We went out for lunch last weekend with 5 of my friends who I havent seen in ages and she just wouldn't sit still, kept complaining etc and even stole food off plates on the sushi train!
    I work 3 - 4 days a week and she spends 2 hours a day after school with my mum or sister so I feel like this is my punishment for being away so long!
    What I have just started doing is just having a serious chat about her behaviour each night, what I liked/ didn't like about our day and what we could of done by making a different choice to make the situation better. I also talk about what we can do on the weekend together if she is good during the week. I have also used the iPad as a positive reinforcement tool that is something she gets if she has been good, not as something that is taken away for bad behaviour.

    Good luck

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Central Queensland
    Posts
    1,713
    Thanks
    147
    Thanked
    423
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    In my experience, the only real successful way to get the behaviour you want is to continue being calm, showing her love/affection but being firm and making it clear what behaviour is acceptable and what's not.

    I think talking about the behaviour is good too, but I would try talking all throughout the day, like at the time.

    I also really value the 'pep talk' at the beginning of the day, preferably before the grumps set in (for either of us). Just things like 'remember when you called me a rude little pig? It made me so sad, and it hurt my feelings. Today when you get angry, try tell me you're angry instead of calling me names. It's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to be mean to people because you're angry' that kind of thing.

    My boy is 4 (and I have a 2y girl, but I'm not at this stage with her yet) and hat works best for him is the natural flow of consequences.

    If you are mean to your friends, they won't want to play with you. (Although reassuring her that you love her, even when you're sad/angry/disappointed with her).

    Good luck getting the best out of your girl today.

    One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn, and something my mum said to me a million times when I was growing was 'remember, when we are most unlovable is when we are most in need of love.'

    She also liked referring to me as a 'victim of my age' when I was being a bi+chy teenager.
    Last edited by Daydream Believer; 24-03-2013 at 09:12.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Daydream Believer For This Useful Post:

    DailyDiversion  (24-03-2013)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Does she get any one on one with you anymore? I have 3 kids and another on the way and have found DD1's attitude can become unbearable when she's not getting enough one on one time with DH or me. It doesn't have to be much - just even half an hour after the younger 2 in bed. Sometimes I think I give her attention but then I realise it's all negative - she's 7 so she can enunciate it and tell me she feels like she's always in trouble, and that helps.

    For us we ask a lot of her as the oldest as she has to help with the younger 2 quite a bit. We still don't tolerate any bad behaviour, but try to balance it with lots of positive attention as well, and I've definitely noticed a link between her treating her sister poorly with feeling like she's always in trouble.

    Hope this makes sense.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Daydream Believer View Post
    I also really value the 'pep talk' at the beginning of the day, preferably before the grumps set in (for either of us). Just things like 'remember when you called me a rude little pig? It made me so sad, and it hurt my feelings. Today when you get angry, try tell me you're angry instead of calling me names. It's ok to be angry, but it's not ok to be mean to people because you're angry' that kind of thing.


    One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn, and something my mum said to me a million times when I was growing was 'remember, when we are most unlovable is when we are most in need of love.'
    We use pep talks a lot in this house - DH gives the girls a pep talk in the morning just as he's going to work and it really helps.

    I like this bit too - this is what I was getting at - when DD1's at her most awful it's usually because she needs us most.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    1,023
    Thanks
    173
    Thanked
    615
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Ugghhh, both my older children went through this at a similar age...all part of the F***ing 4s I reckon! I just tried to be super consistent with my discipline (we used time-out), and also used reward charts and loads of positive reinforcement for good behaviour. Like PP we also had little pep talks, but tried not to go overboard as it sometimes felt all we were doing was talking about their behaviour!

    I also found age 6/7 to be quite trying as well - just so you have something to look forward too
    Good luck!

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    2,478
    Thanks
    179
    Thanked
    784
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Thanks for all the suggestions. I have tried pep talks but usually give up when I see they're not going to have an impact. She more often than not wakes up grumpy even though she sleeps from 7-7. Maybe I'll be more persistent and see how we go. I also remind her that when she says "..." That It hurts my feelings and makes me sad. She will be apologetic at the time but forgets all about it at the next meltdown.

    Considering we have 3 children I think we do spend a significant amount of 1 on 1 time together. I just got back from a 2 hour birthday party where she proceeded to kick me with her skates on while I was trying to get her to leave. We go to ballet and swimming lessons together and i am always the one to pick her up and drop her off at school. She often says things like I don't like my sister I don't care about her etc.

    I'm just feeling so defeated

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,678
    Thanks
    788
    Thanked
    1,847
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    When they are at their worst...they def need the most love!

    Taking her places is not one on one time...you need "down time" together where you spend time doing something together.

    I have not hit this stage with DD yet, DS went through some challenging times about 6 years old though.

    Be consistent, kind and fair as possible.

    Find something the kids can unite on when possible, build the bond between them too.

    have consequences, things that are valuable to her.

    try and focus on rewards where you can...catch her doing the right things and make a fuss.

    mostly, make sure you get some care and some rest...i find my hardest days are the ones where i am exhausted!

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Yeah we don't count activities, parties and school runs as one on one time. With 3 kids I know it's really hard to find time which is why we let her go to bed a little later than the others. It's easier to do now she's older. She'll stay up and watch a nature documentary with us and we talk and cuddle on the couch and she has a little treat. Makes her feel special and makes up for any perceived unfairness during the day.


 

Similar Threads

  1. 11yr old attitude...
    By webby in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-01-2013, 15:22
  2. Stubborn with Attitude
    By bpac in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 03-12-2012, 00:59
  3. Change in attitude/ rudeness by 3yr old
    By Dragonia in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 28-03-2012, 14:44

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Riverton Leisureplex
An Extreme Family Pass at Riverton Leisureplex is the ultimate way to cool off during the summer school holidays. The $30 Pass allows pool and waterslide access for 2 adults and 2 children, as well as a drink, popcorn and an icy pole for each person.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Sudocrem / Infacol
Sudocrem® Healing Cream is a soothing emollient cream which aids and assists in the management of nappy rash, eczema, abrasions, wounds and minor skin irritations. Infacol Wind Drops are an effective method of treating wind in infants.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!