Last edited by littlelove; 22-03-2013 at 09:36.
Wow! Sounds like you're both having a hard time. I also have a sister who likes to argue for the sake of it and some of the things you mentioned here reminded me of her. Although less extreme. I think she needs help and she needs you more than ever. I also understand that you don't want unnecessary stress at the moment but if you ignore her you might feel worse. Especially if you exclude yourself from her wedding. If she's anything like my sister, she will not apologize and admit that she's wrong basically because of the way she has acted. Sometimes people get so caught up in the argument, even if they know they are being totally irrational, they get to the point that they can't apologize because its embarrassing.
I'm not sure advice here will help though. You need to have a calm conversation with her... Otherwise perhaps an intervention if things get any more extreme?!
Oh no what a terrible situation to be in!
If she still wants you to be in her wedding, please be part of it. I was supposed to be one of my sisters bridesmaids but we'd been fighting on and off for years and eventually she called and told me she didn't want me to be part of it. I now regret all the fighting that led to me not being part of her big day, and although I disagree with choices she's made in her life, she's still my sister at the end of the day and I'm sad that I wasn't in her bridal party. I'm not saying you should sweep the issues between you and your sister under the rug but maybe just put on a happy face for that day if you can... Not saying you're in the wrong at all but just giving my perspective as someone who has sort of been through something similar.
If she still wants me to be in her wedding, I would happily still be part of it. I just don't think she will want me to. She's very stubborn, and I guess I'm at the point where I just don't want to always be the one to have to smooth things over, especially when I have already tried to apologise for unintentionally upsetting her and she doesn't want to listen. I must have apologised at least a dozen times last night for the same things.
I've just had heart palpitations, nausea and shortness of breath since last night, and just can't risk losing another baby. I lost my last one due to health issues, and stress for me manifests in a very physical way.
Not a nice position to be in. The only advice I can offer is to try not to let her issues become your issues. She's trying to make how she's feeling at the moment be your problem and it's not. If you remember that and make yourself realise that if you're getting stressed it's because you're taking on her issues, then there really shouldn't be much reason why you still can't talk regularly and be a part of her wedding.
Good luck with it.
Ok I'm going to call it as I see it, your sister is out of line and not seeing things clearly but I do think you are playing into it - sisters tend to do this a little bit.
I think your final txt has come off a little passive aggressive. Maybe, rather than continuing it on and saying you're not going to her wedding - just let it go. By saying that you won't go to her wedding, you are making it about you and continuing a drama in a dramatic way.
Neither of you are being fair to each other and I think you are probably both to blame a little.
If I were you I would go and see her, apologise for fighting with her, hug it out, enjoy the wedding and then look forward to meeting your bubba.
Sister relationships can be really hard.
Ah sisterly fights . I had one super similar over my pregnancy with my sister (however I'm the little sister so it's a little different). I think you reacted fine, you were upset and she was apparently picking on things you never said. I hope she comes around and changes her behavior.
Sent from my talky stick
I really wasn't surprised when you eventually wrote shes 19/20 it definitely shows.
Im in a similar boat with one of my sisters ,but id never make it actually awkward when we see one another (which is maybe once or twice a year anyway) just out of respect for my dad who obviously cannot take sides.
So i think your sister is being a bit juvenile in her responses and it seems she is quite annoyed at other people not taking her side and this is coming out as more anger against you.
I hope she comes round :-(
Thanks everyone! I appreciate your replies.
I've deleted the original post, as I think I've achieved my purpose, got it off my chest and got some perspective. I now just want to move past it all.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply!
Sister relationships can be hard. I barely saw my sister for years and I deeply regret it now (for different reasons than you but it still came down to family conflict). Life is too short to say goodbye to someone you love.
I know you say you are sick if being the one to smooth it over but... Think about your sister, do you love her? Do you like her? Can you think of some good times you have had together or has it always been a bit strained & competitive? It sounds like she really feels unimportant & ignored. Maybe she's not but she feels like it. Or maybe she tends to be a bit spoiled & self centred? You know her best OP, is it like her to do this?
If you want this to be fixed, you are probably going to have to take the first step, because you said goodbye. Maybe a time out would have been better. I can understand your reaction though, I have a friend that I have had many similar fights over the years.
it sounds to me like you two need to get back to basics. If it were me, I would write a letter saying "I was upset, you took me by surprise, i had no idea you were feeling this way & i didn't mean goodbye...and this is why..." And then I would list all the positive things about your relationship, the things you like & value about her, and that you know she feels the same. you have both been through a stressful time (and I'm very sorry for your loss) and it's easy to lose sight of the basics in all that worry & stress. But at the end of the day, if you love each other, life is to short to waste time fighting. Hope you sort it out
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!