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  1. #1
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    Default when to start teaching bub to self soothe

    I am mum to a gorgeous 10 week old who is currently rocked or fed to sleep. just wondering when and how i should start teaching her to fall asleep on her own. i also have a two year old who is a very light sleeper in theroom next to hers so anything involving a lot of crying will be difficult.
    Currently she falls lightly asleep on the boob at night and i just hold her til she's fully asleep. during the day she will happily go to sleep in her swing for hours or the pram for up to an hour. if she sleeps in the bassinet during the day is a night mare with either a very **** nap after being rocked or a lot of crying followed by a short nap.
    Im also curious to those who rock their bubs to sleep if/when does it start to become a problem ie: night waking...
    Id love something that i can start soon and gradually do
    thanks heaps

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    Have you tried putting bub down when the feed is finished and they're drowsy/light sleep? Rather than waiting until deeply asleep?

    My DS2 is 2 weeks old and I already do this. Doesn't work every time, sometimes he needs more comfort so I pick him up again, I never leave him to cry at this age. But there are definitely times where it already works and he self settles - the sooner the better I say!

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    Our settling methods were quite inconsistent in the beginning (0-3months). Sometimes I put him swaddled to cot, he could go to sleep. Sometimes I needed to ssshh. Sometimes DH or I carried him and rocked him in an office chair or patted him while carried till he was very drowsy before transferring to cot. (We were repeating what we did with DS1 and we really did not want that!) Sometimes he napped in the swing, or cot then swing if he woke crying after 30 mins. I always needed to feed him back to sleep if that happened. It's now quite a blur but that was what I remembered.

    Then I thought about the horrible times we had with DS1 when I knew nothing about baby's sleep patterns and just rode it through in the first two years, and I didnt want to go through that again. DS1 catnapped and I remember the sleep-deprived nights and frustration we had with him (Totally not his fault, just that we didnt know as much about babies as now!) I carried and rocked DS1 till he was 18 months and I could not take it anymore, he was so heavy and I had to cold turkey him out of this settling method. I also read about 4 month sleep regression when this bub was about 3 months.

    So I started teaching my bub to self settle when he was about 3 months (mid Jan). I decided that he would nap/sleep in his cot...no carrying/rocking until fall asleep in my arms and transfer. I did not want too much crying so I took a long time, more than a month, to slowly train him. I told myself if he was still stationery, it must be easier. So I always swaddled him, music, cot awake, pat and sshh until he gets drowsy and falls asleep. He had a dummy but soon I found he kept waking for it so I quit it very easily. Massive improvement after quit dummy. If he cries in the cot (either not ready to sleep or overtired) I will pick him up to calm him then put him back to cot, pat sshh till he is drowsy and drifts off. The longest he has cried with me next to him was 20 mins and we have had about 3 times it happened. Most times he is great. So now, 21 March, he never protests when put in cot. He may grizzle, whinge. I will pat sshh a tiny bit and he drifts off. Most times I leave him in cot first and see what he does. He may fall asleep on his own if the timing is right, but if needed, just a bit of pat sshh and telling him to go to sleep works.

    I always had a lullaby tune which I played as a sleep cue.

    I believe it can be done cos it worked for us. However I know every baby is different, some may be more receptive some may not. I read up a lot about other mum's stories and form my own conviction and trialled and errored a bit (but not at the expense of my baby cos I didnt want tears on both of us, that's why it was a very slow process but patience paid off).

    Then I also started teaching him to sleep in his stroller and pram when we are out and it worked too. I would say my LO is able to sleep anywhere ATM and even when we are out, there is no stress. I am seriously not sure if that is self-settling stage cos he still needs a little bit of help here and there but I am happy to help him calm down (provide the opportunity) and let him fall asleep from there. I am definitely a happier mum this time and he is sleeping 14-15 hours a day at this age (5 months). He is also a champion napper. For nights, it is a little unsettled ATM cos he just learnt this rolling over and need more attention.

    I would say the earlier the better to train but each to her own, every mother has her own opinion.

    If you are worried about waking your light sleeper (My DS1 is 7YO who is a light sleeper), try tackling naps first...it's also not so tiring day time. I did that then go onto tackling bed time.

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    With my first I rocked to sleep till she was 4 months old. I loved the cuddles and never thought to put her in her cot awake. I don't have time to do that now with 8 week old #2 so I put him in his cot awake all the time, even when I don't see 'tired signs' usually to keep him safe whilst I deal with a toddler tantrum! I've come back and most times he is asleep. During night feeds I too am aware of trying not to wake the house as DD is a light sleeper, so I put him in his cot but rest my hand on him and shhh a bit till he is asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2TwoDSs View Post
    Our settling methods were quite inconsistent in the beginning (0-3months). Sometimes I put him swaddled to cot, he could go to sleep. Sometimes I needed to ssshh. Sometimes DH or I carried him and rocked him in an office chair or patted him while carried till he was very drowsy before transferring to cot. (We were repeating what we did with DS1 and we really did not want that!) Sometimes he napped in the swing, or cot then swing if he woke crying after 30 mins. I always needed to feed him back to sleep if that happened. It's now quite a blur but that was what I remembered.

    Then I thought about the horrible times we had with DS1 when I knew nothing about baby's sleep patterns and just rode it through in the first two years, and I didnt want to go through that again. DS1 catnapped and I remember the sleep-deprived nights and frustration we had with him (Totally not his fault, just that we didnt know as much about babies as now!) I carried and rocked DS1 till he was 18 months and I could not take it anymore, he was so heavy and I had to cold turkey him out of this settling method. I also read about 4 month sleep regression when this bub was about 3 months.

    So I started teaching my bub to self settle when he was about 3 months (mid Jan). I decided that he would nap/sleep in his cot...no carrying/rocking until fall asleep in my arms and transfer. I did not want too much crying so I took a long time, more than a month, to slowly train him. I told myself if he was still stationery, it must be easier. So I always swaddled him, music, cot awake, pat and sshh until he gets drowsy and falls asleep. He had a dummy but soon I found he kept waking for it so I quit it very easily. Massive improvement after quit dummy. If he cries in the cot (either not ready to sleep or overtired) I will pick him up to calm him then put him back to cot, pat sshh till he is drowsy and drifts off. The longest he has cried with me next to him was 20 mins and we have had about 3 times it happened. Most times he is great. So now, 21 March, he never protests when put in cot. He may grizzle, whinge. I will pat sshh a tiny bit and he drifts off. Most times I leave him in cot first and see what he does. He may fall asleep on his own if the timing is right, but if needed, just a bit of pat sshh and telling him to go to sleep works.

    I always had a lullaby tune which I played as a sleep cue.

    I believe it can be done cos it worked for us. However I know every baby is different, some may be more receptive some may not. I read up a lot about other mum's stories and form my own conviction and trialled and errored a bit (but not at the expense of my baby cos I didnt want tears on both of us, that's why it was a very slow process but patience paid off).

    Then I also started teaching him to sleep in his stroller and pram when we are out and it worked too. I would say my LO is able to sleep anywhere ATM and even when we are out, there is no stress. I am seriously not sure if that is self-settling stage cos he still needs a little bit of help here and there but I am happy to help him calm down (provide the opportunity) and let him fall asleep from there. I am definitely a happier mum this time and he is sleeping 14-15 hours a day at this age (5 months). He is also a champion napper. For nights, it is a little unsettled ATM cos he just learnt this rolling over and need more attention.

    I would say the earlier the better to train but each to her own, every mother has her own opinion.

    If you are worried about waking your light sleeper (My DS1 is 7YO who is a light sleeper), try tackling naps first...it's also not so tiring day time. I did that then go onto tackling bed time.
    Hi mum2twods, how did u teach to sleep in pram? This is where I have trouble now n struggle to have a life because of it?
    Cheers

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    I don't believe that the majority of babies need to be taught, most were able to do it quite easily in the womb and it is just a matter of becoming accustomed to their new surroundings and being allowed to develop in their own time, instead of a preconceived time frame being placed on them.
    But babies when in the womb are constantly lulled to sleep cos they were carried in fluids and there's always motion cos we move around. But once they are out, it is hard for them to fall asleep on their own in the cot where there is no motion, that's why they like rocking and carrying. That's why they can be taught to self soothe. I also read that when they are about 4 month old, they start to develop sleep associations (though every baby can be different I must reiterate).My MCHN says that often babies sleep in the day in the womb cos mums will be on the constant move and when night comes, mum sleeps and baby starts waking to play. I thought what she said was logical.My DS1 was one example of needing to be settled to sleep (our fault really) till I couldnt take it at 18 months. I had to break that habit of needing to carry and rock to sleep. But of course if I continue to carry and rock him, one day he will learn to self soothe but who knows when. Definitely from 3YO onwards he can fall asleep in his own bed by himself. I am not going to wait that long with DS2 just because physically I cannot take it anymore. I am older and my back cannot take it.
    Last edited by Mom2TwoDSs; 21-03-2013 at 14:29.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stac84 View Post
    Hi mum2twods, how did u teach to sleep in pram? This is where I have trouble now n struggle to have a life because of it?
    Cheers
    I got bub to get a nap in the morning first and then prepare to go out when his next nap was almost due.

    Once at the car park of the shopping centre, I swaddled him (he was 3 months then), popped into pram, cover with large cloth and just wheeled off. The swaddling and motion made him sleep. I found that wo swaddling he kept getting startled and couldnt get to sleep at that age. Eversince, we have been doing that every time he is due for a nap outside, minus the swaddling (he's now 5 months)

    I read your DD doesnt like the car seat (if I rem correctly). Do you have soft hanging toys you can place somewhere in the car where she can see to distract her about the car seat? Cos I think if she starts crying on the way then it's going to be hard to settle her for a nap in the pram.

    I play the same lullaby tune in the car if it is his sleep time.

  8. #8
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    I think in the first 3 months you just have to go with the flow. I'm a big walker so both my boys loved the pram, would sleep anywhere anytime. I have never had to rock either to sleep. The sleep program i read discouraged from feeding bub to sleep but rather feed and keep baby awake then put bub down. I found soothing music was great and used it at sleep times for both boys. And also stick to a routine so sleeptimes are the same time, bub will eventually know when sleep time is. Even if bub doesn't seem tired still put bub down at the same times.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    And also stick to a routine so sleeptimes are the same time, bub will eventually know when sleep time is. Even if bub doesn't seem tired still put bub down at the same times.
    Hi ,

    Do you mean nap times or just bed time? So you set the nap times every day to be at the same time? What if bub sleeps doesnt sleep as long as you want him to?

    For example if a 5 month old sleeps at 11am (your set time) and wakes at 12pm instead of 1pm, and the next set time is 3pm, don't you need to change the next nap to earlier say 2pm so there is 2 hours gap? I find it so hard to set times. i just make sure he has a 2 hour gap between each nap.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom2TwoDSs View Post
    I got bub to get a nap in the morning first and then prepare to go out when his next nap was almost due.

    Once at the car park of the shopping centre, I swaddled him (he was 3 months then), popped into pram, cover with large cloth and just wheeled off. The swaddling and motion made him sleep. I found that wo swaddling he kept getting startled and couldnt get to sleep at that age. Eversince, we have been doing that every time he is due for a nap outside, minus the swaddling (he's now 5 months)

    I read your DD doesnt like the car seat (if I rem correctly). Do you have soft hanging toys you can place somewhere in the car where she can see to distract her about the car seat? Cos I think if she starts crying on the way then it's going to be hard to settle her for a nap in the pram.

    I play the same lullaby tune in the car if it is his sleep time.
    Yea she hates the car. If she's tired enough she'll sleep but not always. I've never tried to swaddle her in the pram. I've only just started to swaddle her actually. I always thought she hated it then one night so sleep deprived I swaddled her n she slept 7-5!! When she was waking every 2-3hrs!! So ill give it ago.
    Sorry op for hacking your thread.


 

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