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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    If someone prefaced something with "can I tell you something but you have to promise not to tell DP" I would ask them not to tell me, as depending on what it is, I might not be able to keep it from DP.

    If it was something like your herpes example, sure I wouldn't tell.

    But there are other things I wouldn't keep secret, because they're too much for me to handle myself.

    My friends know, and we all have the same expectation so I can't really imagine myself in a situation where someone asks me not to tell DP something.

    I don't tell her everything. But I can, and would if I needed to.
    This. If someone said they were going to tell me something but that I couldnt tell DH, I would most likely ask them not to tell me, or at least tell me the context of it before so I can have the option.

    Purely for my own mental health reasons. I only have a handful of close friends and all are aware of this, and for the most part are the same.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    If someone prefaced something with "can I tell you something but you have to promise not to tell DP" I would ask them not to tell me, as depending on what it is, I might not be able to keep it from DP.

    If it was something like your herpes example, sure I wouldn't tell.

    But there are other things I wouldn't keep secret, because they're too much for me to handle myself.

    My friends know, and we all have the same expectation so I can't really imagine myself in a situation where someone asks me not to tell DP something.

    I don't tell her everything. But I can, and would if I needed to.
    Same here. If someone asked me not to tell anyone then I would clarify that I had no secrets from DH. None of my close friends would ever ask me to keep something from him, and I wouldn't ask them to keep something from their spouses either.

    For those who've said that they wouldn't volunteer information, what about if your partner asked?

    E.g., "Is Sarah pregnant again?"

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    I Do. I am always open about that fact i don't keep secrets from him.
    I think it's one thing to tell your friend before they tell you you will tell your husband.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    If someone prefaced something with "can I tell you something but you have to promise not to tell DP" I would ask them not to tell me, as depending on what it is, I might not be able to keep it from DP.

    If it was something like your herpes example, sure I wouldn't tell.

    But there are other things I wouldn't keep secret, because they're too much for me to handle myself.

    My friends know, and we all have the same expectation so I can't really imagine myself in a situation where someone asks me not to tell DP something.

    I don't tell her everything. But I can, and would if I needed to.
    I totally am not picking on you, but just knowing what your DP does for a job, it made me wonder... surely she has things that she is SUPPOSED to keep from you... right? Is that different because she legally has to, so it's okay...? But if she just chose to, that wouldn't be cool?

    You know I think you're lovely, but it just made me wonder... so please don't feel picked on!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I think it's one thing to tell your friend before they tell you you will tell your husband.
    I agree it not fair to just assume, you must say so before the secret is told.

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    peanutmonkey  (18-03-2013),rainbow road  (18-03-2013)

  7. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    I agree it not fair to just assume, you must say so before the secret is told.
    Agreed.

  8. #57
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I totally am not picking on you, but just knowing what your DP does for a job, it made me wonder... surely she has things that she is SUPPOSED to keep from you... right? Is that different because she legally has to, so it's okay...? But if she just chose to, that wouldn't be cool?

    You know I think you're lovely, but it just made me wonder... so please don't feel picked on!
    I don't feel picked on

    The only things she can't tell me are names and personal information. And I'm totally cool with that. Everything else is okay, obviously I can't yell it from the rooftops or relay stories to others until certain things have gone through court but she's actually encouraged by her bosses to talk to me (or someone, anyway) to debrief because of a lot of what she sees.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    For those who've said that they wouldn't volunteer information, what about if your partner asked?

    E.g., "Is Sarah pregnant again?"
    DH wouldn't ask. No one I know would keep a secret like that so it's probably not a great example. Maybe if he asked "why did X move out?" I'd tell him that I was told in confidence but was asked not to tell anyone until X was ready to share. Or something like that.

    It's never happened. He doesn't generally want to know.

  11. #59
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    MrJones&Me is offline sometimes as useless as the 'ueue' in queue
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    Some of the stuff I've told my friends...

    If I had found out they'd told their partners...

    I would be beyond devastated

    Seriously, the thought is making me physically ill.

    I might sms them tonight.

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    I don't tell my hubby everything and he wouldn't expect me to.

    for example I know one of our friends was sexually abused and another friend worked in the sex industry for a while. He does not need to know (and in all likelihood wouldnt want to know). I don't think me keeping those "secrets" makes any difference to our relationship whatsoever.

    I also knew his sister was pregnant but didnt tell him. When she announced it my DH could tell straight away that I already knew. He did ask me how long I'd known and why I didn't tell him. I told him I felt it was his sisters news to share when she was ready. He was cool with that.

    I expect he has secrets I don't know about. I've never questioned him about it.


 

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