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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    When I was in a relationship I wouldn't tell my other half everything. If for example someone told me a secret I would keep it as long as it doesn't affect that person.
    Thats the point of a secret. If my friend is going through something I would not run home and say "omg guess what happened to so and so".
    I feel that if someone has put their trust in me and confided then it's my responsibility to keep that secret. I would NEVER break someone's trust unless it was life or death/child abuse/suicidal.
    I personally only have a few people I share things with generally I don't share my own secrets with anyone. I have seen so much happen to people because a wife ran home and opened her mouth to a husband.
    If you share things with your partner then that's fine but you should always make a person telling you a secret aware of that. Don't swear you won't tell your partner anything and then go do it... Seriously what kind of friend is that. Just be honest.
    My friends are well aware that I have no secrets from my DH and just to clarify I dont rush home and tell him in a gossipy way. I tell him when we chat at night about our day, and I tell him because I have a tendency to get myself worked up over other people's problems and he helps to keep me less stressed and anxious about what I have been told, and reminds me not to let it affect me.

    I would never ask a friend to keep something from her partner/husband.

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  3. #12
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    I share everything he has a right to know about, and he tells me everything.

    We've actually had this argument many times, as I have a close friend who is in a highly violent/sexual abusive relationship, and I refuse to tell him everything she's told me.

    I also have friends who are in the sex industry, social work and police, and i'm their ear. More then glad to do so, but he has no right to know these things I wouldn't mind if he kept similar things from be

  4. #13
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    I guess I'm a bit like you sassy. I make a judgement call. I know a big secret of dp's sister. She begged me not to tell him. I also know a secret his mum is actively keeping (she doesn't know I know). I have not told DP either of these secrets because: his sister confided in me which had never happened in the nearly 10 years since I have known her. She doesn't want her brother thinking differently of her. as for his mum, her secret might ruin their relationship. Long story short, I am aware of the secret and the risks this secret poses to my family and take adequate care as a result.
    if I were to tell him now, he would be very upset I didn't tell him. He would also be hurt. I am sure he would see my reasons though. I know I should have told him at the time but it didn't seem like the right thing to do at the time.

    They are the only real secrets I have from him. I recently had a small unimportant secret that had no bearing on him and was mostly just gossip. When he found out I knew he was jumped on the "don't you trust me" bandwagon.

  5. #14
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    I am with you, Sassy. I would be quite p!ssed if something I told a friend in confidence was told to their partner. I know plenty of things about my friends that I would NEVER tell DP. It's not his business, and not my place to tell him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    I tell DP everything. And if I tell someone who is partnered something, I expect they'll tell their partner too.
    I agree with this too, I tell my partner everything and I'm 110% confident he tells me everything too, I don't feel it is betraying someone's trust because i know for certain it's not going to go any further.
    I think our relationship works so well because we are so open and honest with each other, We want our kids to be comfortable in talking to us about anything but we are also going to teach them that we don't keep secrets from mum or dad, i think my DP is sensitive enough to know that our daughters might not be happy with him announcing that he heard they are now women so OP I'm sorry to hear your experience wasn't a nice one in that sense.

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    Does everyone who shares everything with their partners make that completely clear to all their friends? I'm actually really shocked by this thread. A secret is a secret, not tell one person.

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  10. #17
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    Just wanted to add, I've never though of it in terms of one of my gf passing along to her dp about me + manfriend trying to concierge, or any trouble we might be having. At this stage, this is quite a private issue for me and I'd be hurt if someone I'd confided in told anyone. So I think done discretion/judgements are in order in a case by case basis

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Does everyone who shares everything with their partners make that completely clear to all their friends? I'm actually really shocked by this thread. A secret is a secret, not tell one person.
    Yes my friends all know and vice versa.

    There is a 'rule' (from past discussions) that whatever we share will be shared with our partners. If I ask them not to tell anyway, they will normally say 'can I tell partner or not'. Mostly its a yes, but if for some reason its a no, then I wouldn't say anything.

    Does that make sense.

    My SIL told me she was pregnant and I wasn't allowed to tell my husband - longest 8 wks of my life!!!!

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    I previously said in the thread you are referring to that I tell DP everything. If I tell somebody something I just assume it will get back to their partner. I trust him immensely.

    I'm not sure what ill do when the girls come to me with "secrets". If it concerns their safety or welfare, absolutely! If its girl stuff then I don't know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Does everyone who shares everything with their partners make that completely clear to all their friends? I'm actually really shocked by this thread. A secret is a secret, not tell one person.
    yes, anyone who knows me and my DP know we share everything, I, like someone else said don't rush home and tell him and when i say we share everything it's not like i keep a journal of my day and tell him when i get home i just mean we don't intentionally not tell each other things, sometimes things come up and sometimes they don't but i never want to feel like i have to not let something accidently slip out.

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