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  1. #1
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    Default Spin off - "I don't keep anything from my partner, no matter what." Right or Wrong?

    So, another thread made me think about this line, and figured I'd start a new thread instead of derail.

    So... do you agree with the statement, "I don't keep anything from my partner, no matter what?" Do you think it's good to tell your partner absolutely everything, or do you think that telling him (or her) absolutely everything you find out about other people (particularly when they've said it to you expecting you to keep it to yourself) is quite wrong?

    I mostly tell DP everything... but if, say, a friend confided in me that she was a victim of sexual assault, I wouldn't be running off to DP to tell him that. I figure that's such a deeply personal thing, and it would have taken her a fair bit to share that with me... who the hell am I to decide that my partner deserves to know that bit of info about her?

    Or even to a lesser degree - your kids confide in you, and ask you not to tell the other parent. In some situations, it makes sense that you'd tell the other parent... but sometimes... well, I am still annoyed that my mother told my father that I had my period. I was 11 and had already had my boobs and pubic hair since 8. It was just another thing I was annoyed about happening prematurely.

    Fair enough if she told and he kept his trap shut and I never knew he knew... but instead, he waltzed in to the loungeroom a few minutes after I had told her and said, "So... I hear you're a woman now. Make sure you take care of that properly."

    I could have died, and from that moment, I knew I could never trust my mother so stopped confiding in her. It's such an innocent thing, but it meant a lot to me at the time, and her blowing my trust could have been horrible had something serious wrong happened to me in the years to come where I would have needed to tell her.

    So, I guess, I basically tell DP most things... but if it's very personal, or I know that this person is seriously trusting me, I don't tell him. He doesn't even know about DD's "boyfriend," (she's 7... and from what I can gather, he doesn't even know he's her boyfriend... lol. But still, she's trusting me with this secret and asked me specifically not to tell DP... so I haven't... just because I realise doing so, and him letting slip, might mean she realises she cannot trust me in future and I'll miss out on being there for her when she actually needs me).

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  3. #2
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I tell DP everything. And if I tell someone who is partnered something, I expect they'll tell their partner too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    I tell DP everything. And if I tell someone who is partnered something, I expect they'll tell their partner too.
    I agree with this. My DH is one of the most tight lipped people I know so I have no fear of him ever sharing something ive shared with him.

    I dunno, ive never really had anyone tell me something that I felt I shouldnt tell DH. I have some things that happened to me in my past that took me awhile to share with DH but generally I tell him everything.

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    When I was in a relationship I wouldn't tell my other half everything. If for example someone told me a secret I would keep it as long as it doesn't affect that person.
    Thats the point of a secret. If my friend is going through something I would not run home and say "omg guess what happened to so and so".
    I feel that if someone has put their trust in me and confided then it's my responsibility to keep that secret. I would NEVER break someone's trust unless it was life or death/child abuse/suicidal.
    I personally only have a few people I share things with generally I don't share my own secrets with anyone. I have seen so much happen to people because a wife ran home and opened her mouth to a husband.
    If you share things with your partner then that's fine but you should always make a person telling you a secret aware of that. Don't swear you won't tell your partner anything and then go do it... Seriously what kind of friend is that. Just be honest.

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    Generally I tell him everything. Even something like my friend telling me that they had been sexually abused I would need to use him to debrief.

  9. #6
    αληθη's Avatar
    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    Depends on what it is. Usually I'm useless with dp and blab most things to him BUT in the two examples in your OP I read, I would not think to tell him about a friends sexual assault (like what he's not even good friends with my friends why would I?) and if it were something my kid told me to not tell dp, depending on the severity then Id probably not tell unless I accidentally let slip say if something prompted it and I was super tired and not thinking etc. but I wouldn't tell him on purpose.
    But I do tell him pretty much everything cause I don't really see the point in not saying things I want to talk about


    Sent from my talky stick

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    I tell DP everything. And if I tell someone who is partnered something, I expect they'll tell their partner too.
    Same here.

    I've had this discussion with several friends too, and we've all said the same.

    I do trust DH with the information I tell him though. He would never (and had never) acted insensitively with it, and if I were married to someone in whom I didn't have that trust then it may be a different matter.

  11. #8
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Whatever works for you I reckon - I generally tell DH everything except teh things he completely not interested in that have no baring whatsoever on our life - like stuff I talk about online/mothers group etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    I tell DP everything. And if I tell someone who is partnered something, I expect they'll tell their partner too.
    This is me too.

  13. #10
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    And what Rainbow said!


 

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