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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    I feel the "i tell my DH everything" is a cop out...gives you justification to gossip. If it was relevant to him or your relationship or YOUR news...I would absolutely say tell him the truth...but this is not any of those things from your description.
    I couldn't disagree more.

    Different people's relationships work in different ways. If I were in a new relationship, or with someone I didn't trust, then I would be more inclined to agree with you. But, to me, a marriage means no secrets at all. There is nothing I would deliberately keep from DH, nor him from me.

    I trust that he wouldn't tell anyone something that was a secret, and I trust him to act responsibly with things that I tell him - and the same goes in reverse.

    It's not a cop out at all. I couldn't imagine being in a marriage where that wasn't the case.

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  3. #22
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    Sounds like this secret is huge... and you need support while processing it. How else is your husband going to support you if he doesn't know. "We don't keep secrets from each other" isn't a cop out. Its a foundation of respect and support within the relationship.

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    Guest654  (18-03-2013),peanutmonkey  (18-03-2013)

  5. #23
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    I haven't read all of the responses, but I think it is pretty rough to divulge something to someone and then swear them to secrecy from their life partner, their sounding board, their soft place to land.....It just isn't fair.

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    Guest654  (18-03-2013),MsViking  (29-06-2013),peanutmonkey  (18-03-2013)

  7. #24
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    I would tell my DH, simply because I tell him everything. We have no secrets and I trust him more than anyone else.

  8. #25
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    My ILs have often been a sticking point between hubby and I. He gets defence if I say anything slightly negative about them. He once told me its 'none of my business' as they 'aren't my family'. I was really hurt, as I believe they ARE my family.

    Just as your DH is now a member of your family, and therefore shouldn't be kept in the dark.

    If it were me I'd give dad the heads up that you need to tell hubby.

  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggermum View Post
    Sounds like this secret is huge... and you need support while processing it. How else is your husband going to support you if he doesn't know. "We don't keep secrets from each other" isn't a cop out. Its a foundation of respect and support within the relationship.
    Exactly. There is a difference between gossip between the girls, lil white lies (how much I spend on a dress) and potentially damaging secrets. No, it was not my secret to tell, but the secret itself was something I needed help to talk thru, offload, understand - process.

    So.

    When DH got home from work, he could see that I was devastated, n quickly freaked out while I tried to compose myself (I even had to assure him that everything was fine with me (more or less), Lil Miss C etc., then gave him a run down of the lead up to the confession by Dad, but told him that Dad requested DH not know.

    DH is totally fine with it, and my Dad - accepting that he had a reason to keep the secret. Let me just say: I have an amazing husband. I knew that he always valued trust n integrity, but as I mentioned, I was totally unsure what this meant if he found out I had a secret. So DH does not know the secret, however is aware of the circumstances surrounding 'the reveal'. When I speak to my father next, I will explain this to him.

    Thank you everyone - your words of advice helped greatly to get my jumbled thoughts out and making sense.

    Now to continue 'processing' the secret. Hmmmmm.....

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    jagamoe  (28-09-2013)


 

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