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  1. #1
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    Default Do I tell hubby???

    Sorry if I am posting in the wrong spot, I don't know what else to do.

    My father has just told me a family secret involving him that would have stayed secret had a drunk uncle not blabbed to my brother. I am still processing this news (possibly stay tuned for THAT post), but the real issue is that my father made me promise not to tell my husband.

    I am definitely a trustworthy person, and secrets stay with me, but with this secret (won't harm anyone), I know how hubby will react if I tell him. His view of my father is already quite negative bc of Dad's life/relationship choices since my mothers' death in 2000. But I feel sick when i think of keeping this news from him (again, it's nothing that affects him personally in any way).

    Any advice, ladies? And my loyalties lie equally btw the two.

  2. #2
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    Sorry that you have been put in this position.

    Me, I would tell DH as we always tell each other everything, no matter what.

    How would your DH react if he found out later on, and that you had been keeping it from him? Perhaps that answer could help in your decision making. Good luck.

  3. #3
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    I don't believe in keeping any secrets from my husband, but I can see how you are pulled in different directions. There are times when I wish I could not tell him things when I know he isn't going to like what he hears, but we both understand that secrets and lacking in communication about anything we are going through either together or apart can damage our relationship.

    In saying that I would not tell my husband without first telling the person involved that I don't keep secrets from him. That's all there is to it. They may not like it but I refuse to carry emotional, mental and/physical burden alone and feel no one should ask that of me.

    Good luck with your decision.

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    Ta Layla! That's going through my head, as well. And we don't keep secrets from each other either.

    I guess I may have to speak to my father, as now, I guess, I am getting angry he has put me in this position. I don't know if I can trust hubby to not treat Dad differently (lots of history between my family n in-laws).

    Secrets beget secrets! Ahhhh!

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    I would also tell DH.

    My DH does tend to react a certain way to some family issues so I just have to think through the way I tell him and just how much I tell him, however we don't keep things from each other so I always share!

    Good luck!

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    Thanks, Nutty!

  7. #7
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    Look, if the secret has NO bearing on your DH, and doesn't impact him in any way, shape or form, other than him finding out means he'll think even less of your Father than he does now, then no, I wouldn't tell him.

    He's not gaining anything by knowing this secret and he's not losing anything either, why make a strained relationship even more strained, for you, your DH and your Father, by spilling the beans?

    I'd keep quiet. You're not keeping anything from your DH, you're not being deceitful or lying, you're just not giving him information that doesn't concern him in the first place

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    It's hard to say without knowing what it is - it may not directly affect your husband, but it could indirectly... such as how you might act now that you've got this burden.

    I mostly take the approach that if people tell me something, they KNOW that my partner will find out. The only time I would not tell him was if I knew he'd do something bad after hearing about it (say a friend was cheating... if my telling him meant he'd go on the attack to my friend, or go tell everyone, or something, I wouldn't tell him), or if it was something that you just don't spread around (perhaps a friend was raped and confided in me. I'd never share that with anyone else apart from maybe a professional psychologist if I had trouble dealing with it myself).

    WHY does your father want to keep it from your husband?

    Is it hard for YOU to go around keeping this to yourself and not being able to discuss it with anyone else?

    I think the answer to those questions would be what would have me choose to keep quiet, or tell my partner.

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  11. #9
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lillynix View Post
    Look, if the secret has NO bearing on your DH, and doesn't impact him in any way, shape or form, other than him finding out means he'll think even less of your Father than he does now, then no, I wouldn't tell him.

    He's not gaining anything by knowing this secret and he's not losing anything either, why make a strained relationship even more strained, for you, your DH and your Father, by spilling the beans?

    I'd keep quiet. You're not keeping anything from your DH, you're not being deceitful or lying, you're just not giving him information that doesn't concern him in the first place
    This is exactly my thinking. If it has no bearing or impact on your dh then I think it doesn't really matter if he knows.

    It's just one of those things that you know, but doesn't really matter if your dh does. You aren't being deceitful or anything by not telling him.


    Sent from my Unicorn.

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    I tell my DH everything so I wouldn't keep it from him if it was my DH. DH is the only person that is always there for me no matter what. It may sound silly but I would sort of feel like I was lying/betraying him. Especially if there was a possibility that he could find out later anyway. It could blow up in your face


 

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