Give me your opinion!

[lani_ezara]

What level of involvement in your child's life should your partner have if he is a) Not your childs Father and b) not married to you (is just your boyfriend)?

What is suitable? What is acceptable? What is common?

Any opinions/comments/general advice would be greatly appreciated!

[SairBear]

hello, im not a preofessional on this topic but i thought id share my thoughts. As im kinda playing it by ear atm and will be wtching it for others advice too.

my partner is not my daughters daddy.
it took him a while to get comfortable in the male rolemodel role aka "daddy" role, which is understandable.
It took me a while to get used to it all too.
My opinion is, as long as hes a positive male role model thats all that really matters. What ever suits your situation is the way to go. Communication is the key. With your kids and with your partner. Communicate with your partner about your ideas on parenting so there is no conflicts as that can be confusing for your kids and for u both.

[~MUMMY~]

my boyfriend isnt the father of my 4yr old... and to me at first he did the whole 'friend' thing with my son but now he is seen as a father figure and does everything his dad would be doing .... everything from outings to having the authority to discipline too. they openly tell eachother they love eachother and do respect and love eachother.

[AimeeB]

Hi Well I'm not in you position but I was a child with a single mum and I think that what she did was the right thing(for us anyway)She would go on dates etc but we wouldn't meet the guy till she new something serious might happen(not often,usually when she said she had 4 kids at home they weren't that interested! )In the time she and dad divorced till when she remarried(app 11 years)she only had 2 relationships and the first was with a guy who had no kids.He didn't live with us but he was more of a friend to us than an authority figure.She met her husband about 8 years ago and he had 2 kids that lived with him so he was more like a father figure.I was older by then but my 2 younger brothers lived with them (as did his 2 kids) and they just worked out that if they were married and lived in the same house then mum and her DH were in charge of all of them.I think as long as your little one gets to know them and they are a positive role model and it looks as though it will be a long term relationship then they should take on some kind of parenting role.It depends really on how involved the biologcal parent is also in the childs life.

[Starlet]

I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have.

DF and I have been friends for 6 years, so my kids have known him since birth. We have been together for 2 years now.

When we first moved in together(5 months into our relationship), he was a bit hesitant when it came to discipline(sp?). But I wanted him to not let the kids get away with things because then they knew that they could do what the like if I left them with him because he wouldn't tell them off. We struggled for a while to get to the stage where we were both happy with it(we had a lot of 'your kids and my kids' issues).

He is fantastic with the kids now, he treats them like they are his own kids. They even call him daddy(they do still see their real father, he wasn't around much at all until recently. SO they still call him dad, but they call DF dad too).

So I think it's important for you to decide how much you trust your boyfriend and whether he wants to be an active part of your child's life. I would have done things alot differently if my df hadn't been my friend for so long before we were together.

[MummyCharmzy]

DP is not my sons father but has been there since he was 9 weeks old, now DS is 4 years old and knows him as his daddy.. he has no involvement with his bio father so this is not an issue. DS knows no difference and DP treats him exactly the same as he does his son from previous relationship and our two children together.

On the otherhand, I am not DP's sons mum... I'm his stepmum, he lives with us Sundays - Thursdays though and as of Jan 31st when he starts school he will only be at his mums 6 days out of each 4 week cycle, DP and I are his main carers and I am probably more so as DP works some of the times DSS is here so its me and the kids.

As much as I can I treat him as though he is my own except he calls me by name as I am not his mother. I discipline him the same as I do my DS, I love and nurture him the same when he allows it... he used to be a bit standoffish with me but now is very affectionate with me which is great and tells me he loves me every day and I do to him too of course.

We are a family. If he was only living with us every weekend or every other weekend I think it would be different and I wouldnt treat him so much as my own as the bond wouldnt be there but as it is he is like my own child.

I could not 'not' discipline him... as I said DP is at work some of the time when I am caring for him and of course issues arise where he needs pulling in line and I wont wait until the next day when DP is home to deal with it of course.. I deal with it then and there.

I could also not, 'not give affection' as I can't imagine how that would feel if he sees his 3 siblings being shown love and affection and then he gets none from me!

Oh and DP and I are not married as yet so we are boyfriend/girlfriend although we have been living together for about 18 months now and plan on getting married in just over 12 months.

Long post sorry lol