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  1. #81
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I think you are missing my point. No one here knows the exact extent of what the OP is going through. To me it sounds like its only recent behavior which makes me think that something else must be causin him to act like this. It doesn't excuse his behavior with some of the things he's said and done, no, but its also not enough for me or others like me to leave our husbands purely for what could be a MISTAKE on his part.

    I just think some are very unforgiving.

    Just because your partner/DH makes a mistake or acts like a tool on occasion doesn't make him a bad person all round and also doesn't make the wife (partner etc) weak for not leaving.

    No one is perfect but it seems like a lot of women expect their husbands to be. They are human too.

    I'm just saying I think it's unfair to tell an upset possibly vulnerable woman to leave her husband / partner when you don't know the full story.
    Leaving a partner does not have to be for good. Leaving may be for a day, a night, a week. Long enough to try and make the other party realise there really is an issue.

    Many of us have been there. We've tried to make the other party realise but they wouldn't. Leaving MADE them realise. It also allowed us to realise whether we had it in us to keep trying if and when the other person finally woke up to the fact that there were issues.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I'm just saying I think it's unfair to tell an upset possibly vulnerable woman to leave her husband / partner when you don't know the full story.
    I think it's far worse to encourage a woman to stay in a relationship where her partner is treating her badly. The full story could easily be a lot worse than this. The manipulative behaviour that the OP is describing is never okay, no matter what else is going on.

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  4. #83
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    Oops double post

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChickyBee View Post
    I think it's far worse to encourage a woman to stay in a relationship where her partner is treating her badly. The full story could easily be a lot worse than this. The manipulative behaviour that the OP is describing is never okay, no matter what else is going on.
    I wasn't encouraging her to stay, I was simply saying counseling might be a better option since NONE of us know exactly what's going on except for the OP.

    No one can say that they have NEVER treated their partner badly in a particular situation when they themselves were having a rough time.

    NO ONE is perfect... I personally believe in a second chance.

    Anyway it's not about me, I'm just giving my take on things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Leaving a partner does not have to be for good. Leaving may be for a day, a night, a week. Long enough to try and make the other party realise there really is an issue.

    Many of us have been there. We've tried to make the other party realise but they wouldn't. Leaving MADE them realise. It also allowed us to realise whether we had it in us to keep trying if and when the other person finally woke up to the fact that there were issues.
    Yeah I agree with that. Leaving temporarily is another option to show you mean business. I've done it myself before.

    I'm talking about pressure from strangers who dont know either party personally, to break up a marriage.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    So what any time someone posts on here details of serious relationship issues and takes the time to go into detail of all the things their partner does that are abuse or upsetting we just say "have counseling" ??

    I agree with Hugsbunny - people are going to a lot of trouble explaining what they would do. If people didn't want that advice why would they post in the first place?
    I'm simply giving a different take on things. I don't have to agree. It's MY opinion.

    I never said she didn't want advice... That's EXACTLY why I'm looking at it from a different perspective and givin MY advice. Whether she takes yours or mine or the next persons its up to HER.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiplusthree View Post

    People are going to say it. Not everyone is going to put marriage before safety or a partnership before someones wellbeing.
    I wasn't suggesting this either. I don't know if you are referring to my posts but just thought I'd would clear that up.

    Safety comes first of course

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  10. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Id really rather this didnt turn into an argument. I appreciate everyones opinions and advice. Theres no way i would leave the marriage until we saw a counsillor and really worked on what is wrong with our relationship. I mostly started this thread because i was feeling really hurt and angry and i needed to vent. I did however want advice and opinions from everyone.
    i think though im even more lost about what to do.
    I am sure everyone here only wants what is best for you OP. but at the end of the day, only you know all the details, and after all the advice and personal experience stories, only you can decide what is best and how to move forward. Talking to each other openly and honestly and/or counseling may help you to clear things up more. I know it can get very confusing when lots of people give you all different advice. I think we have all experienced that at some stage or another

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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I'm simply giving a different take on things. I don't have to agree. It's MY opinion.

    I never said she didn't want advice... That's EXACTLY why I'm looking at it from a different perspective and givin MY advice. Whether she takes yours or mine or the next persons its up to HER.
    Exactly. Which is what she has been given. Lots of different advice. I don't believe every single person on here has said leave him. I suggested moving out for a day or so. I guess I don't see the need to pass judgment on other people's advice in giving my own.

    But yep not about us so I think the OP has had enough advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Exactly. Which is what she has been given. Lots of different advice. I don't believe every single person on here has said leave him. I suggested moving out for a day or so. I guess I don't see the need to pass judgment on other people's advice in giving my own.

    But yep not about us so I think the OP has had enough advice.
    Umm..? Nowhere did I say that EVERYONE had told her to leave him...

    Also I don't know where I 'passed judgement' I was giving my opinion and then for those who disagreed I was explaining WHY. Exactly what you have been doing in response to MY posts.

    Anyway, off topic. I've said my bit


 

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