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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post


    My husband has spanked my son and I still love him there isnt anything wrong with a spanking if its warranted.
    Smacking is only ok if both parents agree. Clearly the OP didn't like what happened. Whether anyone else thinks it was appropriate is completely irrelevant.

    At the end of the day looking after your kids after working all day should be a pleasure, not another chore. Yes he might need 15 minutes downtime after work but that's what a car drive or a bus ride home is for. When my DH walks in the door my kids are all over him and so excited - it doesn't wash that they get to switch off from life at home just because they went to work.

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  3. #72
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    OP I think all relationships have their ups and downs. I think some of what your DH has said is unreasonable but believe me, many men say stupid things like this, including mine.

    Mine often tells me I haven't done enough or implies I should have done more. His idiotic comments usually come when he's very stressed financially.

    I hate how strangers always tell women to leave their husbands!! WTF! There are TWO sides to a story an without knowing both sides I find it completely ridiculous for people to tell u that u should leave him.

    I'm not saying at all that what you have told us is untrue, not at all, I just mean there is a lot more to any relationship and the suggestions of counseling would be more beneficial.

    I think you just need to talk it through.

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  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Smacking is only ok if both parents agree. Clearly the OP didn't like what happened. Whether anyone else thinks it was appropriate is completely irrelevant.

    At the end of the day looking after your kids after working all day should be a pleasure, not another chore. Yes he might need 15 minutes downtime after work but that's what a car drive or a bus ride home is for. When my DH walks in the door my kids are all over him and so excited - it doesn't wash that they get to switch off from life at home just because they went to work.
    She does agree with spanking but not on the back thats why I asked if he had tried spanking on the bum but missed.

    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I hate how strangers always tell women to leave their husbands!! WTF! There are TWO sides to a story an without knowing both sides I find it completely ridiculous for people to tell u that u should leave him.
    The rate that it happens here is actually alarming, I think there are 3 or 4 people being told to leave their husbands right now. I know 1 she is being abused and she prob should but seems anytime a partner steps out of line or does something "offensive" thats the answer here. I find it sad because there are two side of the story and lots of people work through a lot of problems and live on to be happy.

  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post



    The rate that it happens here is actually alarming, I think there are 3 or 4 people being told to leave their husbands right now. I know 1 she is being abused and she prob should but seems anytime a partner steps out of line or does something "offensive" thats the answer here. I find it sad because there are two side of the story and lots of people work through a lot of problems and live on to be happy.
    Yip! I see it all the time on BH! I've even been told to before.

    I think a lot of people think they are relationship experts or counselors, but even a good counselor wouldn't tell someone to leave their partner!

    I get that in an abusive relationship it may be best for mum and child to leave but this advice coming from a stranger? Really?

    Every relationship has problems! And these days EVERYTHING is seen as 'abusive' or 'offensive'

    Sorry I'm going off track here. I don't want to derail.

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  8. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    She does agree with spanking but not on the back thats why I asked if he had tried spanking on the bum but missed.
    Regardless of where he was aiming, he hit hard enough to leave a welt in the shape of a handprint. That is NOT a smack.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post

    The rate that it happens here is actually alarming, I think there are 3 or 4 people being told to leave their husbands right now. I know 1 she is being abused and she prob should but seems anytime a partner steps out of line or does something "offensive" thats the answer here. I find it sad because there are two side of the story and lots of people work through a lot of problems and live on to be happy.
    I believe these members are being advised of this because THIS is what the members replying to their threads would do in their situations. Not everyone is happy to live in eternal servitude like some members, some people realise that they are worth more and deserve to be treated with respect.

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  10. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post

    I believe these members are being advised of this because THIS is what the members replying to their threads would do in their situations. Not everyone is happy to live in eternal servitude like some members, some people realise that they are worth more and deserve to be treated with respect.
    I think you are missing my point. No one here knows the exact extent of what the OP is going through. To me it sounds like its only recent behavior which makes me think that something else must be causin him to act like this. It doesn't excuse his behavior with some of the things he's said and done, no, but its also not enough for me or others like me to leave our husbands purely for what could be a MISTAKE on his part.

    I just think some are very unforgiving.

    Just because your partner/DH makes a mistake or acts like a tool on occasion doesn't make him a bad person all round and also doesn't make the wife (partner etc) weak for not leaving.

    No one is perfect but it seems like a lot of women expect their husbands to be. They are human too.

    I'm just saying I think it's unfair to tell an upset possibly vulnerable woman to leave her husband / partner when you don't know the full story.

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  12. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Do you think that all working parents go to work at stressful jobs for more money because they like stress? No its because they want to provide their family with nice things, it works both ways



    Sounds like you guys have a lot of stressful things going on did his attitude change when all this started? Did he mean to smack her on the bum?



    My husband has spanked my son and I still love him there isnt anything wrong with a spanking if its warranted.



    Dont think of it like your obeying him, dont let people rile you up into thinking this way if you wanted to clean up then it was done because you wanted it to be done. Maybe when you go to work you can leave a list of things you didnt get to that day and maybe ask him to try to get to them after the kids are in bed.

    Something has to work, counseling or talking I dont think all these pleas for you to leave him is right something else is going on
    IMO spanking is not OK under any circumstance. But, there is also a massive difference between a "smack" on the bottom...and a slap across the back of a child that leaves a clear red hand print. I would not love a grown up who felt the need to use/threaten physical violence upon a small child because they weren't getting their own way. Especially, as he hit the child because he was angry at his wife and not at the child.

    This man belittles her, her children are scared of him, she said she was worried about leaving them alone with him when she works incase he over reacts and really hurts them, he insults her, he is not supportive and does not help around the house, he puts her down on the basis of having bi polar and uses that to gain advantage, he demands sex regardless of how she feels about it....so, my question of "what do you love about him?" is very very warranted.

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  14. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I think you are missing my point. No one here knows the exact extent of what the OP is going through. To me it sounds like its only recent behavior which makes me think that something else must be causin him to act like this. It doesn't excuse his behavior with some of the things he's said and done, no, but its also not enough for me or others like me to leave our husbands purely for what could be a MISTAKE on his part.

    I just think some are very unforgiving.

    Just because your partner/DH makes a mistake or acts like a tool on occasion doesn't make him a bad person all round and also doesn't make the wife (partner etc) weak for not leaving.

    No one is perfect but it seems like a lot of women expect their husbands to be. They are human too.

    I'm just saying I think it's unfair to tell an upset possibly vulnerable woman to leave her husband / partner when you don't know the full story.
    So what any time someone posts on here details of serious relationship issues and takes the time to go into detail of all the things their partner does that are abuse or upsetting we just say "have counseling" ??

    I agree with Hugsbunny - people are going to a lot of trouble explaining what they would do. If people didn't want that advice why would they post in the first place?

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    I guess to what extent of behaviour people see as forgivable/unforgivable is down to the individual. posters reply based on the information they've been given. OP went into quite a bit of detail over a long period of time.. things that are always 'expected' etc plus some very alarming incidents/behaviours that point to an abusive controlling and unbalanced relationship.

    Some might suggest counselling and that might work for OP. But there are going to be people who see this as a detrementle relationship which is more dangerous and damaging than counselling is worth. Its not one short term behaviour but an entire dictation of morality and expectation on top of some seriously emotionally and physically abusive ongoing behaviours.

    People are going to say it. Not everyone is going to put marriage before safety or a partnership before someones wellbeing.

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    Id really rather this didnt turn into an argument. I appreciate everyones opinions and advice. Theres no way i would leave the marriage until we saw a counsillor and really worked on what is wrong with our relationship. I mostly started this thread because i was feeling really hurt and angry and i needed to vent. I did however want advice and opinions from everyone.
    i think though im even more lost about what to do.

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