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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    Maaann I've been doing it wrong...I don't need a husband, I need a wife!

    Everyone should have one!
    I have had one for three months cause my DH hasn't worked since Dec. It is amazing. He does the cooking and cleaning and daycare runs and everything. I am devastated he is going back to work next week.

    Us women do so much!!!!

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  3. #42
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    Havn't read other replies yet but I wouldn't really define you as a SAHM... In my books you're a working mum.. Are dads that work nightshift SAHD's? Nope theyre working Dads, and honestly I think thats usually given as their reason to be even less up for houseduties etc.. Working nights is supposed to be extremely tiring!

  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiplusthree View Post
    Havn't read other replies yet but I wouldn't really define you as a SAHM... In my books you're a working mum.. Are dads that work nightshift SAHD's? Nope theyre working Dads, and honestly I think thats usually given as their reason to be even less up for houseduties etc.. Working nights is supposed to be extremely tiring!
    It is incredibly tiring! Especially when you take care of kids all day then have to go to work when the rest of the world is watching tv and chilling out. Hats off to you op, 2 shifts a week and I'm spent!

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  6. #44
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    OP - Your husband sounds like he needs a swift kick in the bum. And he CANNOT demand sex!

    But I do think that working opposite shifts can have a detrimental effect on a marriage. For a while DH who is a shift worker and I were working on opp days to avoid daycare. We only got further apart emotionally and I used to get cranky with him as I did way more on my days at home with the girls than he ever did.

    So we put the girls in daycare 2 days a week and its been better for us. We also made a list of what we expect the other to do on the days they are home. I discoverd that DH wanted me to do way less than I was doing and I wanted him to do more. So we compromised. We have a MUST do list, and WISHFUL thinking list.

    MUST DO
    kids fed, looked after and put to sleep at appropriate times
    1 outdoor activity for kids
    dinner cooked
    dishes done
    1 load of laundry done per day, hung out and brought in.
    floors swept/mopped.

    WISHFUL thinking
    another indoor activity for kids
    baking
    cleaning of a room
    extra laundry
    dusting
    ironing.

    That way we knew what the other expected and it saved arguments. I do agree with PP that you do need counselling.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    OP - Your husband sounds like he needs a swift kick in the bum. And he CANNOT demand sex!

    But I do think that working opposite shifts can have a detrimental effect on a marriage. For a while DH who is a shift worker and I were working on opp days to avoid daycare. We only got further apart emotionally and I used to get cranky with him as I did way more on my days at home with the girls than he ever did.

    So we put the girls in daycare 2 days a week and its been better for us. We also made a list of what we expect the other to do on the days they are home. I discoverd that DH wanted me to do way less than I was doing and I wanted him to do more. So we compromised. We have a MUST do list, and WISHFUL thinking list.

    MUST DO
    kids fed, looked after and put to sleep at appropriate times
    1 outdoor activity for kids
    dinner cooked
    dishes done
    1 load of laundry done per day, hung out and brought in.
    floors swept/mopped.

    WISHFUL thinking
    another indoor activity for kids
    baking
    cleaning of a room
    extra laundry
    dusting
    ironing.

    That way we knew what the other expected and it saved arguments. I do agree with PP that you do need counselling.
    thats a great idea. my dp is on shifts and im home but with a newborn so doing a list is a good idea. ill talk to him to see.if he will be up for it.

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  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    OP - Your husband sounds like he needs a swift kick in the bum. And he CANNOT demand sex!

    But I do think that working opposite shifts can have a detrimental effect on a marriage. For a while DH who is a shift worker and I were working on opp days to avoid daycare. We only got further apart emotionally and I used to get cranky with him as I did way more on my days at home with the girls than he ever did.

    So we put the girls in daycare 2 days a week and its been better for us. We also made a list of what we expect the other to do on the days they are home. I discoverd that DH wanted me to do way less than I was doing and I wanted him to do more. So we compromised. We have a MUST do list, and WISHFUL thinking list.

    MUST DO
    kids fed, looked after and put to sleep at appropriate times
    1 outdoor activity for kids
    dinner cooked
    dishes done
    1 load of laundry done per day, hung out and brought in.
    floors swept/mopped.

    WISHFUL thinking
    another indoor activity for kids
    baking
    cleaning of a room
    extra laundry
    dusting
    ironing.

    That way we knew what the other expected and it saved arguments. I do agree with PP that you do need counselling.
    This is a FANTASTIC idea. I'm going to try this too!

    Sent from my GT-N8010 using BubHub

  10. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    i wouldnt have to put a smile on my face when hes home, i woldnt feel expected to have s3x every 3 days (cos thats how much he NEEDS, he told me this).
    Sorry but scares the living daylights out of me.

    Please don't just give in just because he expects or needs it.

    A wedding ring doesn't EVER give him the right to demand s3x.

    Forcing you to have s3x when you don't want to is rape even when your married.

    Your needs matter. You need him to be a real man and step up and be a partner not a dictator.

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  12. #48
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    I agree Rose's idea is a good one.

    OP: sounds like your hubby may be sabotaging the relationship on purpose with his flip floppy complaints. Could the real issue be that he is unhappy about something else/doesn't want to be in a relationship?

  13. #49
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    hmm just read the rest.

    Get out. Now. He sounds like a self rightous hypocritical abusive clown.

    sorry op.

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  15. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    DH and i are just NOT getting along anymore. After a big talk last night hes basically said im not doing my job as a SAHM/wife and hes not sure how much more he wants to be with
    Honestly? After reading all your replies, I'd be asking him if he wants help packing his bags. You are NOT a SAHM. You WORK 4 nights a week, you cook the nights you work and he heats it up and puts away the dishes? Big whoop. I second who ever said he needs a kick up the bum. I'd be kicking it right out the door if my husband said that to me and treated me like yours is.

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