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  1. #21
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    I seriously wouldn't wait for him to leave, I would be out the door.

    Do you want your son to grow up thinking this is the right way to treat women? What would you do of your daughter was in a relationship like this?

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  3. #22
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    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    oh sweetie, he is abusing you.

    You should have sex when you want to...never to meet his need.

    You should feel loved and supported and cherished by your husband.

    You should feel safe and secure and not threatened.

    He is manipulating you and abusing you...please go and get some help. See a counsellor, just for you. See if you can get to a place where you believe in yourself again.

    See if he is interested in counselling.

    What would happen if you tallied up your hours and stopped at 40?
    This. I completely agree.

  4. #23
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    Well you work 4 nights a week so your not a stay at home mom your a working mom and he is a working dad but to me a SAHM does a lot:

    Cooking
    cleaning
    all the care of kids like school runs, sports runs, homework help, getting ready for school ready for bed etc
    laundry
    dishes
    organizes bills etc

    basically anything to do with the house or the kids is the SAHM job or at least it was when I was a SAHM

  5. #24
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    I do everything at home but dp is a very clean person so its not like I have to tidy up after him and I prefer to do it because I can't stand things not being done my way so I've probably dug my own hole with that.

    However....if I worked then jobs would be equally divided and if they weren't I would quit work (only because at the moment we can live quite happily on dps wage, if we were desperate for me to with then obviously I wouldn't). If you are contributing to earning money then you should not have to do everything regardless of how many days you work.

  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by loislane2010He warms up dinner...that ive prepared before hand. Has a shower with DS (2yo) while DD (4 yo) watches a tv show. WHile DD is in the shower he puts the dishes away )believe me that took ALOT of work to get him to do that). Then gets the kids into bed. Then until i get home he pays is PC game or watches tv.

    He has NEVER done a load of washing since ive known him, nor has he WASHED dishes. He doesnt mow the lawn unless i nag him to do it, then it takes 2 months and he gets angry and yells at me. He doesnt garden, clean the gutters etc. He doesnt wash the car/motorbike. He doesnt even put his clothes in the wash, i pick them up off the floor of the bathroom. He wont make the beds/change the sheets. He will however hang a load of washing out...but only if its towels only!! Ive had a shelf for 6 months to be put up in DS's room, its still sitting there!!! Oh and im expected to bake so he has something for lunch (i DO enjoy this, and want to for DD's lunch but not so much when its expected of me).
    Hes actually said the words 'i work 40 hours a week, that should be enough.

    I just dont know what to do. He thinks i dont do enough around the house. I think i do, he thinks he doesn enough around the house, i dont. I feel terribly unsupported and TBH unloved. He is doing a traineeship so we've taken a major pay cut. I HAVE to work just to be able to ay the bills. I want to support him in this traineeship but when i dont get appreciated around the house it very hard.
    I almost WANT him to leave cos it wold be easier with out him. I wouldnt be picking up after 3 people anymore, i wouldnt have to put a smile on my face when hes home, i woldnt feel expected to have s3x every 3 days (cos thats how much he NEEDS, he told me this).


    I just dont know what to do anymore.
    Just in relation of it being easier if he was gone yes its one less person you have to clean up after and yes you wouldnt have to put up with him and his crap but all those little things he does you would then have to do. Maybe you guys can go to counseling where you can be heard.

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    Oh I would be furious. I work nights too and get how hard it is. It's so hard to work all day at home and then have to find the energy to go and start work when most people are finishing.

    It can also put a huge strain on a relationship because there's no down time together.

    Something I read on here years ago still sticks with me - If all he is contributing is money, then it's not enough. I've had to remind my DH of this, there's no way I want my girls growing up watching me do everything. No way.

  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    all those little things he does you would then have to do
    Sounds easier to just get her own little place in strata with a no maintenance courtyard. I've lived with a slacker in the past and it's hard to leave but we only live once, why waste it with someone who doesn't appreciate you and make you feel good?

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  10. #28
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    Hugs OP, to me it sounds like you are MORE than a SAHM... After all you WORK 4 nights a week!!

    Your DH should be grateful! Its a crap load more than I do!

  11. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Sounds easier to just get her own little place in strata with a no maintenance courtyard. I've lived with a slacker in the past and it's hard to leave but we only live once, why waste it with someone who doesn't appreciate you and make you feel good?
    That is true

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  13. #30
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    I think he is making excuses and putting all if the blame on you as a easy way out ....


 

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