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  1. #91
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    I think people say to leave when they read threads on here because that's what they would do. I know I wouldn't put up with the crap I read on here, no matter how many sides to a story there are!

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  3. #92
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    I really get irritated when people say don't give advice of that the advice given is crap.

    At the end of the day it's a FORUM, if I'm asked for my OPINIoN I will give it based on the facts presented. At the end of the day the op will take on board what she chooses too. Really I can't see what difference it makes if some posters say leave him and some dont. They are just giving their opinion. You know as they were asked to. Rant over.

  4. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Id really rather this didnt turn into an argument. I appreciate everyones opinions and advice. Theres no way i would leave the marriage until we saw a counsillor and really worked on what is wrong with our relationship. I mostly started this thread because i was feeling really hurt and angry and i needed to vent. I did however want advice and opinions from everyone.
    i think though im even more lost about what to do.
    Unfortunately issues like this do become rather contentious.
    I really think you would benefit from talking face to face to some impartial, whether it be counselling, or a pastor from your local church, even your gp. Just for the perspective that it can give you.

    Obviously your husband has some positive traits, otherwise you wouldn't have married him! From what you have mentioned in this thread however, be it "just a phase" or "true colours" his recent behaviour and the way he has been treating you has been unfair. If I was in your shoes I would be angry, upset and confused too.

    A pp mentioned taking some time not being under the same roof. Sometimes, time apart helps both parties reflect on their behaviour together. Even if it was just a couple of nights. Do you have close girlfriends? Could you have a "girlie weekend" with some friends, and use it to get a little bit of space?

    Would your husband agree to counselling? Is he the type who trusts professionals? Perhaps he needs some professional help himself?

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  5. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Id really rather this didnt turn into an argument. I appreciate everyones opinions and advice. Theres no way i would leave the marriage until we saw a counsillor and really worked on what is wrong with our relationship. I mostly started this thread because i was feeling really hurt and angry and i needed to vent. I did however want advice and opinions from everyone.
    i think though im even more lost about what to do.
    Look at the end of the day no one can tell you what to do. We can only give you our opinions.
    However you need to understand that hitting a child because you are angry is never ever ok. You are in an abusive relationship you can believe that or not it makes no different to the actual fact that you are in one.
    Emotional abuse is just as much abuse as physical.
    Clearly your mothers instinct is kicking in you are scared to leave your children incase he hits them.
    You don't want to leave and that's your choice but please understand that as a mother it is your job to protect your children as best as you can. They didn't choose this and they can not make a choice to leave. At the very least keep them safe both physically and emotionally.

  6. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Id really rather this didnt turn into an argument. I appreciate everyones opinions and advice. Theres no way i would leave the marriage until we saw a counsillor and really worked on what is wrong with our relationship. I mostly started this thread because i was feeling really hurt and angry and i needed to vent. I did however want advice and opinions from everyone.
    i think though im even more lost about what to do.
    We had a friend who had PND. Her DH was very unsupportive, he basically told alot of people that he was over the 'in sickness and in health' bit. She moved in with her mum for a while just to have some support, and give him a breather.

    Sounds like you've both had a fair bit on over the past few months. Do u think your DH could be the same, and is just looking for any excuse to give up, and so he takes it out on you?

    Fwiw the couple that I know are still together, she is better and they are happy again.

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    Being a mum is a full time job, it's more stressful than any other job in my opinion. But lot of people doesn't understand that type of stress. No matter how many times I explain to DH how stressed and tired I am he'll just say I am sooking they feel unbalanced that they do all the hard work while we get to stay at home and play with the kids so we should do all the house work, cleaning cooking washing ironing etc.
    I left the kids with DH once, all day by himself hoping he'll understand what I go through everyday, he couldn't cope

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  9. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    DH and i are just NOT getting along anymore. After a big talk last night hes basically said im not doing my job as a SAHM/wife and hes not sure how much more he wants to be with me.

    So what exactly does it mean to be a SAHM/wife??

    He works full-time, 7-5 and helps me with the dishes when im home (i work 4 nights a week).
    I get the kids breakfast ever morning, shower/dress them, do the kindy run, take them out for play dates etc. Then they nap and i have a sit down, watch some trashy tv and have lunch. Then the kids wake up, i usually sweep the floor, tidy a bit. Then if im working i have to start dinner and go to work at 5-530pm. If im home i clear the table, do the dishes help shower the kids, get them ready for bed etc.

    Im not sure what else he expects of me. Do i have to clean, cook, iron while the kids are sleep??

    Im not doing well here. I feel like a failure and DH doesnt love me anymore
    It sounds like you need to find out what it is that he expects of you. Does he want the house to be spotless when he gets home? If so, ask him if he's expected to run absolutely everything and have everything done by himself when he's at work.
    No, of course he doesn't! He's only one person. That's the same way I see being a SAHP. When it was my DH working and me at home I'd do as much as I could without running myself ragged and still ensuring that DS was well taken care of. When DH got home I'd ask him to help out here and there but not a lot. Mostly things like bathing DS so that I could have a shower etc.

    It sounds to me like a cop out. How much more can you do after all, iykwim? My ex before DH once said to me that he was unhappy that I didn't do all of the housework (which I did, slack b@astard did nothing at all) and that he was having a 'hard time being in love' with me because he felt like I should be doing more.
    There was nothing more I could do. It was just an excuse because he wanted out of the relationship but was too much of a coward to say so and wanted to upset me enough that I'd leave.
    More fool him, I was that in love with him that I promised that I'd do better and begged him to give me another chance .

  10. #98
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    So its the weekend (not that i get one) and im expected to get up so DH can sleep in cos he never gets to. The fact that im up at 6-6.30am every morning regardless of if im working or not. This really irritates me. When i want to have a sleep in and he has to get up to the kids (on the weekend) he chucks the sh!ts and say 'i never get to sleep in you have to get up'.
    I mentioned him going to see his dad for a chat (they get along great) about what hes feeling and maybe staying a few days he said 'what?, wheres this coming from?'
    What everything is resolved now??

  11. #99
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    We've solved the sleep in problem here - no one has one. Unless one of us is sick, or has been up with one of the kids all night, we both get up. We don't get this sleep in business once you have kids. We don't tip toe around the house because one person wants a sleep in. We're not at uni anymore. DD1 is nearly 8 and often sleeps in til 8 on the weekends. Once all our kids are older we'll get that time again but for now it's not happening. It's one thing to take the kids out so the other person gets to lie in as a once in a while treat, or because you both get to do it, but it's completely the opposite when it's just expected.

    I appreciate it's different for you as you work nights.

    Sorry not sure what else to suggest for you guys. It's impossible to have a one way conversation with a person if they refuse to acknowledge there's a problem. Short of you telling him you're miserable and want counselling not sure what else to suggest?


 

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