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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Youngmummy2bee View Post
    Omg he cheated!! I can't believe I messed that up!!

    I was sure that's what you meant, but wanted to be sure.

    I totally appreciate all the reasons at 15 you'd be attracted to a 25 year old. But as a 25 year old - particularly a 25 year old parent, as he was when he met you - a 15.year old is a child.

    Though it's sounds like of the two of you it's HIM who needs to grow up.

    I think if you got away - found yourself as an adult without him you'd never look back.

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  3. #62
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    OP, I know it must be scary. The thought of not being with the FOB, who you've been with since you were 15. I know you want to make excuses, think the best of him, see only the best.
    I know it must be scary, facing the possibility of being a single Mum at the age of 18. I hope you don't think you're not strong enough. Just like I hope you don't think you can't live without him. I hope you don't see us all going "You should leave him, you should leave him, he's no good!" and think we don't know what we're talking about, so you need to ignore us. I hope you don't sit there and think "Yeah, but they don't understand. I love him. I can't leave him. I'm not strong enough. I don't think I can do this, be a single Mum on my own. I'm sure he didn't mean it."
    But the fact of the matter is, we KNOW you're strong enough. We know you can do it. We're here to support you. I don't usually encourage people to leave their partners, and often I've thought people have gone too far when they do it, but this is one of those rare cases when I'll stand up with everyone else and agree, you need to leave. For yours and your babys sake.
    I'm not saying he'll turn physically abusive or anything like that. But the fact of the matter is, the parts that hurt most and the things that take longest to heal are the parts no one sees, your mind and your heart and your soul. You're young, strong, intelligent. You can do it. I don't want you to regret staying with him in ten years, because you didn't think you could do it. I don't want you to lose the person that you are right now, because slowly but surely he's destroyed it. And he doesn't need to say anything, really. Just by hanging out with someone who "jokes" about pushing you down the stairs to kill your child, he's condoning it and acting like it's not important. That you aren't important.
    Him saying if you leave never come back because HE cheated would have been me instantly shrugging and saying "Okay'', packing my bags and going. But it wasn't, and we can't change the past, no matter how hard we try. But the future is still there, and you can change that.
    Currently, if you stay with him, his behavior will degenerate.
    If you leave, you'll have to deal with him for the babys sake, and absolutely no other reason.

    At the end of the day, you are currently 18. The person you are now is not the person you will be in five or ten years. Or even twenty. You'll change and grow, your wants and needs will be far different than they are now. You may stay with him then decide in 10 years that you don't love him, don't want to be with him and hate him. And you've wasted all this time being called a c*nt, ridiculed and living with a man who thinks it acceptable to even joke about throwing you down the stairs to kill your child, and quite possibly you.

    Get in contact with someone who can help you.l Call a hotline if you need to, talk it through with them.

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  5. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Ok so this is what you have told us..

    You are 18 and caring for his 3 kids more than he does
    He cheated on you then emotionally blackmailed you into staying by telling you that you couldn't return if you left
    He's verbally abusive to you
    He hangs out with someone who has made some really inappropriate comments about you and in essence condones it by still having him there
    He's removed all affection and intimacy since you got pg

    If you had a daughter and she wrote those things about her relationship, what would you tell her?
    Really well put. I couldn't agree more.

    Good luck OP

  6. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    OP, I know it must be scary. The thought of not being with the FOB, who you've been with since you were 15. I know you want to make excuses, think the best of him, see only the best.
    I know it must be scary, facing the possibility of being a single Mum at the age of 18. I hope you don't think you're not strong enough. Just like I hope you don't think you can't live without him. I hope you don't see us all going "You should leave him, you should leave him, he's no good!" and think we don't know what we're talking about, so you need to ignore us. I hope you don't sit there and think "Yeah, but they don't understand. I love him. I can't leave him. I'm not strong enough. I don't think I can do this, be a single Mum on my own. I'm sure he didn't mean it."
    But the fact of the matter is, we KNOW you're strong enough. We know you can do it. We're here to support you. I don't usually encourage people to leave their partners, and often I've thought people have gone too far when they do it, but this is one of those rare cases when I'll stand up with everyone else and agree, you need to leave. For yours and your babys sake.
    I'm not saying he'll turn physically abusive or anything like that. But the fact of the matter is, the parts that hurt most and the things that take longest to heal are the parts no one sees, your mind and your heart and your soul. You're young, strong, intelligent. You can do it. I don't want you to regret staying with him in ten years, because you didn't think you could do it. I don't want you to lose the person that you are right now, because slowly but surely he's destroyed it. And he doesn't need to say anything, really. Just by hanging out with someone who "jokes" about pushing you down the stairs to kill your child, he's condoning it and acting like it's not important. That you aren't important.
    Him saying if you leave never come back because HE cheated would have been me instantly shrugging and saying "Okay'', packing my bags and going. But it wasn't, and we can't change the past, no matter how hard we try. But the future is still there, and you can change that.
    Currently, if you stay with him, his behavior will degenerate.
    If you leave, you'll have to deal with him for the babys sake, and absolutely no other reason.

    At the end of the day, you are currently 18. The person you are now is not the person you will be in five or ten years. Or even twenty. You'll change and grow, your wants and needs will be far different than they are now. You may stay with him then decide in 10 years that you don't love him, don't want to be with him and hate him. And you've wasted all this time being called a c*nt, ridiculed and living with a man who thinks it acceptable to even joke about throwing you down the stairs to kill your child, and quite possibly you.

    Get in contact with someone who can help you.l Call a hotline if you need to, talk it through with them.
    Great heartfelt post.

  7. #65
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    I think this is one of the first threads that I have seen where everyone has pretty much agreed, all while being so supportive of the OP. I just have to say, this is why BubHub is a wonderful place

    OP, you are not alone and this thread shows that. We're all here for you

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  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    I think this is one of the first threads that I have seen where everyone has pretty much agreed, all while being so supportive of the OP. I just have to say, this is why BubHub is a wonderful place

    OP, you are not alone and this thread shows that. We're all here for you
    Very true.....

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  11. #67
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    Hey everyone just a quick update as I'm making lunches. I had a big talk to him yesterday and told him I'm going to stay with my cousin for a few days. Kinda caused a argument but he's dealing with it. I'm leaving tonight. Just for a few days. At least it will give me time to think about what to do next.

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  13. #68
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    Good work. Glad you have spoken to him and also glad you're going to get some time out for a few days.

    Hope everything is resolved soon.

  14. #69
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    I'm so relieved to hear that.

    I hope you will continue to be strong and really spend some time thinking about the life you want for you and your baby. What does sometimes happen when women are away from abusive partners (saw this with a friend) is that over a few days they minimize things he said and did, start to miss the sweet side of him they remember from better times, and tell themselves, "He's not so bad...He needs me." Please don't fall into this trap. My friend might still be alive today if she hadn't gone back...not that he is necessarily going to become violent but there are many other ways to give a person years of misery.

    I spent 13 years with a man I met when I was 17 and when I finally got the courage to go through the drama of leaving him (he was not abusive but much older and i'd grown up and what i wanted changed) it was like I was living for the first time. I would have loved to have those years back.

    be courageous now, and you and your baby can make a great life for yourselves

  15. #70
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