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    Default Considering a medical termination

    I'm in a bit of a pickle.I have two sons aged 5 and 7. I also have a 7 month old baby girl. My daughter is to my current partner. We had been dating for about 18 months when we fell pregnant but as the relationship hadn't been serious we were shocked and had difficulty throughout the pregnancy adjusting to the direction our relationship had taken. We separated but were able to happily reconcile about 2 months after the little girl was born.He has a son as well that I babysit in the afternoons every second week so that he can try to pick up more shifts to get us to a place where we aren't struggling financially.I have plans to go back to uni and go back to work.I found out last week that I'm pregnant. There was only one time we weren't perfectly careful and I took the morning after pill just in case. So this is as unplanned as it gets. I am devastated.I have never considered termination but with this pregnancy I am seriously considering it. My list of reasons for having a termination is longer than my list for not but I wonder if my reasons on the list to continue the pregnancy carry more weight as they're ethical and personal belief reasons.I was just so happy the way things were. I don't know if I can handle having more on my plate and setting back my plans with my career any further. I adore my children but I was looking forward to the day where I might be able to get a little bit back for myself. A part of my life where I wasn't just a mother, I was doing something just for me. But on the other hand I never had a good relationship with my family and so wanted to create that bond with my own and this is the opportunity to bring more love into my home.To be completely honest, I do not want to be pregnant. But I'm terrified of how I will feel after having a termination and if the regret will overwhelm me.I don't know how to make this decision

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    That is a pickle. I don't think anyone could tell you to terminate or not terminate- it just doesn't work like that, but could you get in contact with a counsellor to talk through some of these thoughts. I think it's something that you need to work through yourself but a counsellor might be able to help organise your thoughts so you can think a little more clearly.

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    I've had two sessions with a decision making counselor which has been good but as the time medical termination is no longer an option draws near, I keep swinging from one side to the other in spectacular fashion.

    I'm scared of having a big family as I didn't come from one myself. But I'm scared to terminate as well because I have children so I know what I'm potentially giving up too.

    I just wish I knew people that had been in either situation so I could ask how it affected them long term

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    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyMum View Post
    That is a pickle. I don't think anyone could tell you to terminate or not terminate- it just doesn't work like that, but could you get in contact with a counsellor to talk through some of these thoughts. I think it's something that you need to work through yourself but a counsellor might be able to help organise your thoughts so you can think a little more clearly.
    This is good advice.

    Go see somebody to try to organise your thoughts.

    How does your partner feel?

    I feel for you OP, it's a very hard thing.xxx

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    I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult predicament and I can understand why you're having such trouble .
    I agree with SimplyMum. At the end of the day no one else can make the choice for you Be so much easier if they could!

    I guess the only thing I can say is that you have to do what's right for you. No matter what your decision it's something you will live with for the rest of your life and that's a huge decision to make. I really feel for you, I'd probably be just as lost in that situation.


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    He is swinging between the two options as well. Ultimately the decision effects me the most though so he's trying to step back and let me make the decision without being influenced by him. I don't know if that's helping or not at the moment though. The counselors have been really fantastic and have given me really good tips but I don't feel like I've gotten any closer to a decision

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    Quote Originally Posted by earthlyangelic View Post
    I've had two sessions with a decision making counselor which has been good but as the time medical termination is no longer an option draws near, I keep swinging from one side to the other in spectacular fashion.

    I'm scared of having a big family as I didn't come from one myself. But I'm scared to terminate as well because I have children so I know what I'm potentially giving up too.

    I just wish I knew people that had been in either situation so I could ask how it affected them long term
    I had my DD but like you I got some counseling as I was so torn, when it was all said and done she just really said if its such a hard decision to make ( terminate) perhaps that tells you something. But that was me, you may choose different and that's absolutely fine.

    I have never regretted it but the pregnancy was very stressful, felt very right once she was born however

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    My partner just said he doesn't want to have another. All that's done is make me feel even more alone. I feel sick. Maybe I should terminate and just try to move forward. I guess any chance of having a happy little family just went out the window. It's have the baby alone or terminate and hate myself. Neither option sit well with me.

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    If there's anything I've learned in the past year it's this: ultimately, you have to put yourself ahead of your partner. You have to live with yourself forever, and therefore have to be able to cope with the choices you make and the consequences. Sure, consider his wishes but in the end I believe it's your choice, whichever way you choose to go. Good luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Me View Post
    JMO, but if you are swinging between the 2, then you will regret a termination. If you 100% wanted a termination, and would have no regrets, then I don't think it'd be such a hard choice - does that make sense?

    If your best friend came to you in the same shoes you are in, what would you say to her? Are you usually pro life or pro choice with or without conditions there(Ie some people are pro choice when it comes to health related terminations, others are pro choice for social reasons as well)? How would your decision sit with your normal views on the topic?

    These are not questions I expect or feel you should answer on an open forum, just trying to give you some different perspective.

    Best of luck deciding, and do what feels right for you, not what other people thinks is right for the situation.
    Thank you. They're good questions actually.

    I think you're right about regretting it. I'm normally pro choice, especially considering medical conditions. The only time I don't agree with it is when people use it as their only form of contraception. Ridiculous I know but I actually know one woman who does this!

    I wish I could fast forward 5 years and I will have made my decision one way or the other and everything will have settled down!


 

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