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  1. #1
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Default 'Comfort crying'

    Sorry, this will be a bit rambly... We took DS (21 weeks) to a CYH Clinic to get some strategies for settling cos at the moment I usually just feed him to sleep and am in desperate need of more sleep overnight. We got into this habit because he was very colicky when he was tiny, and the nurse suggested that letting him suck on something would help him pass gas and ease his discomfort. He wouldn't take a dummy or bottle, so bf it was. He only wakes up twice between midnight and six for a quick feed and falls back to sleep very easily.

    Well, the nurse took one look at him and said 'what have you got in those breasts, double cream?' which put me offside straight away. Then she talked at us with a spiel she's obviously got memorised without asking anything about our situation. Every now and then she'd pause and scream 'who's the boss?' to which we were meant to cry out 'we are!' It was surreal.

    Anyway, she said at CYH they don't advocate controlled crying, but suggested we start 'comfort crying' and quickly said 'you know shh pat, for 60 minutes then 40, then 20, then 10' and didn't go into any more detail.

    I was hoping for more suggestions, because this sounds like moving to more of a routine and I'm kind of philosophically on the feed on demand end of the spectrum. I've totally lost confidence in my choices now, because she made me feel like I've created a fatty fat fat baby who is going to die if I don't stop feeding him.

    I am confused because at home I did a search for 'comfort crying' and it seemed to come up as another name for CIO and controlled crying. Is that right? Then I looked up 'shh pat' and there was no mention anywhere of doing it for 60 minutes. Does anyone know what she can have been talking about?

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    Please don't doubt yourself!!! You sound like your doing a great job and TBH some people say things and don't think about how they will be taken.

    I cant offer advice on controlled comforting.

    Stay positive and good luck

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    I don't think SHE knew what she was talking about. What a quack.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MamaNurture For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (08-03-2013),Eko  (07-03-2013)

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    I had a fatty fat fat baby who fed to sleep and he's now a very happy average sized 2yo who still gets cuddled to sleep and then sleeps 12-14 hours straight. If your baby is breastfed they cannot be overweight.

    If you want to change your DS' sleep habits - sure there are ways of doing it and "shh pat" can be very gentle - eg babybliss method. I have never heard the phrase "comfort crying"

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    Where abouts do you live? Sleep schools are genius for teaching settling techniques and help you work through any worries you may have. That said, sounds like you are doing a great job! My DD is 7 months and is 9.5kg - I let her BF to sleep when she needs and feed her on demand. As mentioned above, you can't over feed a BF baby! That lady sounds like a luny - trust in yourself. So many BF babies seem to feed a lot before bed but are really just using it for comfort - I know my DD does!!! Ps if you're not against dummies, keep trying! My DD rejected it for so long then suddenly one day took it and now loves it (but only for bed!)

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    I had a bf chubby bubby who was just lovely, not overfed...is now a string bean 3 year old so ignore that!
    I used the babybliss patting and shh'ing technique as I couldn't stand hearing her crying by herself. There was no rule on how long you shhh for, just until they were calm (or you lost your voice ha). Took about 5 nights and so hard to not pick them up and feed but it worked for us.
    All the best with it x

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    harvs's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for your supportive advice. I feel much better this morning! Jessbaby, I'm in SA and I had to go to this stupid meeting as a precursor before they refer you to sleep school. I don't think I'll do the sleep school thing, though, as I know that there are others much more in need of the service. I'm just being a little selfish thinking of my sleep and dreaming (ha!) of a good four or five hour sleep one of these days...

    I will look up the other methods that you all suggested and wait til I have a bit more in the emotional tank before I try anything new.

    Thanks again!

  10. #8
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    That nurse sounds useless! besides everything else (such as her awful bedside manner), what's with the 60/40/20 second thing? Time means nothing to a baby. I did sleep school with both my kids, I was taught "responsive settling" which is basically responding to a cry that is anything more than a grizzle, regardless of time. Once you decide to respond, you pat gently until bub calms, then you leave them to sleep (& repeat if you need to) I loved it because it gave results without bub getting upset.

    Whatever you do, I hope you get some sleep soon, its torture!

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    The comment about your breasts...what an embarrassing thing to say! She probably says it to every mother whose baby is over the 50 percentile mark and probably gets the mothers under 50 all stressed out that their babies are undernourished

    As for "comfort crying"...sounds like a contradiction in terms to me. Go with your instincts. You know your baby so much better than someone's who's met him for 10 mins..
    Last edited by jellybeanicecream; 08-03-2013 at 07:48.

  12. #10
    harvs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jellybeanicecream View Post
    The comment about your breasts...what an embarrassing thing to say!
    Actually, the more I think about it the more humiliated I feel by that little comment. I have PND and am super-sensitive, but surely someone in her position should anticipate that a new mother might be in that mindset. Especially when she repeatedly told me how exhausted I look (again, I might have been born with those super dark, super trendy, eye patches) - you'd think she might guess my resilience is low.


 

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