He sounds like a true sociopath.
I wouldn't be having him at my house simply for the safety of your DS. I would even go as far as to think about reporting the parents because clearly something isn't right in that family 'if' he's allowed to do all those things and its having a detrimental effect on him.
Have you asked your ds what he likes in him as a friend? What are the good things about him that he likes?
Maybe he will figure out in his own time that he isn't a friend if he does those things?
Is he in the same class? How do they interact at school/I'm class. Maybe you can suggest another friend to have plY dates with?
He cut his own finger off...?
Run for the hills...
That's such a tricky situation. Have you asked your son why he likes this boy? Why they're friends?
Personally, I wouldn't have him at my house and I wouldn't let my son over his place.. It's hard to keep him away from your son because they go to the same school together but ideally, it's better that your son stays away from him. Hopefully they'll grow apart soon enough.
Umm as the previous poster said..
Run forest run!
I'm really disturbed by this. Everything you've described screams "keep away". You're well within your rights to do so.
I would be cancelling the play date and discouraging the friendship outside of school.
DD1 has a friend who I just don't like one bit. She's incredibly spoiled, really mean to DD2 when she comes over to play, and has a foul mouth which rubs off on DD1 (who's no angel but some of the stuff this girl comes out with is just gross).
I find if I just don't let the play dates happen the friendship is often replaced by other friends. I wouldn't do it lightly but yeah some kids just rub you up the wrong way.
I'd say I have a relaxed parenting style but the things you're describing - no way!
I'm all for encourage children to have their own friends and personalitys and decide who they do and don't like on their own but safety is my number one concern. This child sounds dangerous. If he behaves that way in your own imagine how he is in his own home. If he slams your DS's finger in the door at his house will anyone care or will he be left screaming until you pick him up? I couldn't leave my child in their care knowing what you do.
As far as their friendship goes I wouldn't have contact outside of school but during school time I'd probably leave it...if he treats his friends this way who knows what he does to children he doesn't like (shudder)
I would cancel the play date. I let DS choose his friends but there are kids i wont let come over or him go to their house.
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